Tag: mental health blog

Will this matter in a year?

When the anxiety was out of control I worried about every little choice I made. I second guessed every interaction I had with people. I was so worried about doing or saying something that would offend someone. The worry could consume my mind for days. Often the only way that I could get rid of the worry was to apologize for whatever I thought I did wrong.

It got really exhausting to be apologizing to everyone all of the time. I learned from a class to take a longer view on my worries. I was taught to ask will this matter in a year? If not I was to let the worry go. Honestly, now that I look back there are only about 3 things that I did during this time that I can even remember now. And only one that I actually needed to apologize for.

The thought “will this matter in a year is powerful?”. It helps to put these huge worries that I had in perspective. It is so easy to allow the anxiety to run rampant and pick up steam and make everything that you are thinking seem so real and to feel like it is going to destroy your entire life. Stopping to think for a minute “Will this matter in a year?” gives you a chance to slow down those thoughts.

You are able to put them in the proper perspective. Yes in this moment it feels as if everything is going to fall apart. But giving yourself the time to slow down and honestly think about the situation will give you the space you need to decide what is true. Is it true that this choice is going to get you fired? Is it true that what you said is going to make the other person not like you? Do you really care if they don’t like you? Is it true that what you just said to your child is going to ruin them for life?

Being able to put it in the perspective of time helps you to see if what happened needs to be addressed or to be let go. I know that just letting go of thoughts is difficult. If you need more help letting go you can read another post I wrote about that here. I know that dealing with an anxiety attack is one of the scariest experiences. Being able to put those thoughts in a different perspective will make a difference.

Where do you want to be in a year? What do you want to be doing? What do you need to be doing now to get there? Focusing on those thoughts can help you to move out of the negative thoughts of the anxiety. You are worth doing the work to move out of the anxiety. You are worth the time and work it takes to conquer this demon. Please tell me, what is one goal that you have for the coming year?

What is a good day?

Hey everybody!

I am sorry that I missed posting on Friday. I am starting over today with posting every Tuesday and Friday. Please keep checking in for new content. I appreciate each and everyone of you for visiting.

I love doing craft projects. I love to look through Pinterest and check out all of the fun projects people are working on. I am pretty good at crochet projects. A few years ago I decided to crochet a mermaid tail for my sister. I couldn’t find a pattern that I really liked and I was having a hard time reworking the pattern I did find. One night while I was looking for a pattern my son saw a pattern for a crocheted shark tail.

So, of course, I had to start that project for him. It is so cute and when it is all finished it looks like the shark is eating you when you are in the blanket. I started working on that one while I was still trying to decide what to do for my sister’s mermaid tail. I had purchased some yarn for the tail for my sister. But it just didn’t work for the tail so I started working on a blanket with that yarn.

Both the shark tail and the blanket are still sitting in my closet waiting to be finished. I do this a lot. I get super excited about a project, I go out and purchase all of the materials I need to complete the project, I start the project then I get bored and it is stored in my closet. I don’t even want to tell you all of the projects I have partly finished in my closet.  But trust me when I say there are more projects in my closet than shoes.

Why do I tell you all of this? Because sometimes I think we link what we accomplish to how good of a person we are. I know that I do. Oftentimes at night I go through everything I did that day. If I accomplished all I set out to do then it was a good day. If not then I need to work harder the next day.

But I don’t always or really ever take into consideration all of the things that I did that weren’t on my list for the day. Was I able to help a hurting heart? A short conversation that took up the time I was going to use to make that doctor’s appointment was an accomplishment.  Taking time to help someone else finish a project was an accomplishment. Even when that means I wasn’t able to finish my project that day.

There is a gentleman that comes into the library. He always has a wonderful story for me and spends a few minutes talking. (Sometimes more than a few minutes but he has the best stories!) Oftentimes when he leaves he says “I smiled again today. Thank you.” I don’t tell you this to brag but as an example that a few minutes to me means a lot to someone else.

How about we change the way we judge a good day? Instead of looking at what we were able to check off our lists we look at the connections we were able to make. Instead of thinking we need to accomplish more to be important. We remember that we are important now, just as we are. Instead of feeling bad because we aren’t as successful as the next person; we remember we are all working hard for what we have. Life is so much more than lists. You matter so much more than any accomplishment you could check off of a list.

P.S. Yes that picture is my closet with my piles of projects!

When to reach out?

Do you ever get overwhelmed with the pain and sorrow in this world? Do you struggle to know how to help family and friends when they are going through difficult times? Does it ever feel like too much? Yes, yes and yes!

I know there are times that feel too much for me. I worry that I won’t be able to offer support or that I by trying to help I will push myself too far. But I am coming to realize that I am stronger than I think and that any small thing that I can do helps relieve pain and sadness.

I worry that when I reach out to help I will say or do the wrong thing and make it worse. I remember reading a story about a woman that felt inadequate to help a friend that was going through a loss. The woman went to the friend’s house to visit but ended up crying with her. When the woman left she felt horrible. She felt like she had made the friend feel worse.

Soon after this she heard from the friend’s daughter that the woman’s visit meant the most to the friend because she was willing to feel the pain, to sit in the friend’s pain. So what can we do when we feel inadequate?

First, know that not saying anything can cause more hurt than trying. Oftentimes when people are going through a difficult time they just want someone to acknowledge that pain. A friend to share the burden can make all the difference.

Second, know that reaching out is about so much more than you. The anxiety made life all about me. As I have been able to grow stronger I have come to realize that people barely think about me. They are focused on and worried about their own problems. Knowing that people are not hyper-focused on my flaws has helped me to be able to reach out more often to others.

Finally, knowing that this life is better lived with others has helped me to reach out. When I get too focused on my own life I get lonely, it gets boring. When I am willing to reach out and make connections not only am I helping others but it also helps me.

I know we can’t solve all of the world’s problems but we can solve some of them. Just by being kind and loving to the people we come in contact with. By reaching out to those people in our lives that are hurting or struggling we can change our corner of the world.