Tag: life coach

Dealing with Travel Anxiety

A few weeks ago I flew to Palm Springs to attend my sister’s wedding. I was excited to see her and my family and to have some sunshine during a very gloomy few weeks here in Idaho. One thing I knew I would have to deal with is travel anxiety. It has been a long time since I flew and even longer since I did it by myself. I was nervous about being on my own but over the weekend I came up with a few tips to help myself and hopefully others when traveling.

One of the most important things to remember about anxiety is that no one else knows you are nervous. Although it feels like the anxiety is shooting out of your body and everyone should be able to tell you are freaking out they really can’t tell. My family are the only ones that have an idea that I am having an anxiety attack. So don’t worry about what other’s may be thinking, it really doesn’t matter anyway.

As much as you can while you are traveling get in some movement. If you have time between flights walk around. Being able to move your body will help to work some of the nervousness out. Plus it is good for you and helps when you have to sit for long periods of time in cramped space.

I always bring way too many things with me to “work on”. I have finally gotten a smaller purse that I can’t carry books and my lunch in. But when I travel I carry a lot of stuff. I have a notebook for writing down thoughts I want to get out of my head. I bring a project I am working on, usually a crochet project. The repetitive motion helps to calm me and I have something besides my own thoughts to occupy me. I always have lotion and essential oils with me. My favorite right now it tangerine. You can see why I usually carry a big purse. Oh and of course something to read. Having a Kindle has drastically reduced the size of my bag.

Finally, when I have gone on long trips I have brought notes with me. I have notes from family and friends that I bring to remind myself that I am loved and that I don’t need to believe the negative thoughts. If you need a letter like this please message me. I would love to send you a letter to help strength you.

The trip was wonderful. The wedding was beautiful. I was able to enjoy myself and I made every flight I needed to. Although it is scary to do something out of my normal routine it is good for me too. It reminds me that anxiety doesn’t control me.

Teens Need Our Help

Our youth are being bombarded with more stress and trauma than at any other time in history. When I was a kid I was bullied but I was able to go home and be safe. Now with cyber-bullying they can’t get away from the bullies. When I was a kid, school and work place shootings were a rarity. Now schools have school shooting drills. When I was a kid pornography was something in magazines you had to be brave enough to buy. Now pornography can be found with a few simple clicks of the mouse.

Our children are facing all of this and more daily but I feel that we are not giving them the tools they need to succeed. Teen suicide rates are increasing but we are too afraid to talk about it. The mentality still is that if we mention suicide people will be more likely to die by suicide. This isn’t true. When I was a Crisis Text line counselor we were taught to ask every texter if they were thinking about suicide. We need to be more comfortable talking about suicide.

As I listed earlier our youth are dealing with things that we never had to handle. They need our help. We need to be more comfortable talking about mental health. Our kids don’t know how to get through hard times. We need to be more comfortable letting our kids be uncomfortable. They need to know that they are strong enough to handle hard times. They need to be given the skills to get through the hard things.

They need to know that it is OK to ask for help. Too often as kids we see adults as being perfect and not having any problems. Kids need to know that we struggle, get help and become stronger. We don’t need to burden them with every bit of our struggle but when they see us seeking help it is easier for them to ask for help.

Our youth need us to listen to them. They need to know that they are important and that they matter. If you are a teen or a parent of a teen needing help I will be putting together a class to help strengthen teens, Comment below or message me and I will keep you updated on the class.

Change is constant…

Change is constant growth is optional.

Today as I was driving to work with my son I was thinking about changes. It seems like this Spring is bringing change to many people. Personally, I have a really hard time with change. I like things to be the same and to always know what is happening.

I avoided change for a long time. To keep my brain straight and life half way manageable I kept everything the same. I have been mostly under control for a while now. I have slowly been venturing out in to things that are a little scarier. I took a class to become a life coach, I have been working to get my national certification and I started a business. (I even have business cards!)

And the biggest scary thing I have done in about 20 years is I gave my notice at work. I have been lucky enough to run a small library. Honestly, it has been my dream job. It it part-time, mostly during the time the boys have been in school. Plus I get to be surrounded by books. But it is time to make a change for myself and my family.

When we choose to make changes it does help to make the changes easier to handle. However, there can still be difficulties in doing life differently. There are a few ways that you can help yourself make the transition easier.

First, remind yourself why you are making the change. When the hard part of the change comes, and it always does, reflect back on why you wanted to make this change. It can be helpful to even write down all of the reasons you choose this path in the first place. Then when it gets difficult you can read over them to remind yourself of the good things that will be coming to you.

Second, keep the rest of your routine as close to normal as possible. The more you can keep on an even keel the easier it is to accept the change in your life. If you decide to live a healthier lifestyle don’t change everything at once. Start exercising and as that becomes a habit begin to work on your food choices. Small changes you can stick to make more of a difference than large changes that don’t last.

Finally, treat yourself with kindness. The change will be difficult and at times it could be upsetting. The more you can be gentle with yourself the easier it will be to accept the difficult times. Remember that no one is perfect and that you are loved no matter what.

If you are facing change in your own life I hope these steps will help. If you are needing more help to face the changes in your life I would love to support you. Please comment below or message me and happy changing!

 

Word of the year

Do you make a word or intention for the year? I have seen this idea grow more popular over the last few years. This year is the first time that I have decided to choose just one word to focus on for the year. Before this year it kind of seemed silly. Why choose one word to focus on?

I know that just 3 weeks into the new year my year has helped to focus my mind, not get overwhelmed and gotten me excited about prospects over the year. My word for the year is create. Have the word create as my focus this year has helped me to realize that I don’t have control of the outcome but I can create a space for good things to happen.

Starting a business, raising a family and serving in my church I can often get overwhelmed with making things happen. But I can’t control other people. I can’t make my kids do what I want them to do. I can’t make people grow their belief in God. But I can create a home where it is easier for my kids to accomplish their goals. In church I can create a safe place for teenagers to explore their faith without judgement or worry. Focusing on creating space that people can explore what is important to them takes the pressure off me to make things perfect for them.

Having a word has helped me to focus my mind. I never ever wanted to start a business. It was too scary to think about, there are too many things I don’t know. But I do know that I can help people, I know that the things I have gone through will help others. Building a business takes time, having a word to remind me that I am creating a place for people to grow and change reminds me of why I started this business.

Finally, focusing on creation gets me excited for all that is possible. There are so many things I want to make, do and share. I love to remind myself that creation is a process and I don’t have to have it all figured out right now. Focusing on building instead of having it all figured out makes the process much more fun.

Is there an idea or feeling that has been calling to you? Is there something that has been on your mind to do or finish? I would love to help you create a way to accomplish your idea. Comment or message me I would love to work with you.

Deadlines don’t Matter

Have you set your New Year’s Resolutions? Do you set goals at the beginning of a new year? What do you think of goal setting?

I sometimes get overwhelmed with goals. It can feel too overwhelming trying to figure out all of the steps to achieve the goal. Also, what happens if I can’t reach the goal in the time I have given myself? Does that mean that I have failed again with a goal? Sometimes I don’t set goals just so I don’t have that feeling of failure.

I follow a woman on FaceBook named Heather Quisel. She was taking about goal setting and achieving your goals. She said that not reaching your goals doesn’t mean that you failed. You can’t know how long it will take to achieve a goal until you start.

She encourages people to have a deadline for a goal so that you give yourself a timeline to work on. However, until you start working you don’t know how long it will take to write your book. You have no idea how long it will take you to make excercise a constant in your life.

I love this idea because it takes all of the pressure off of setting goals. It changes the way I feel about reaching a goal. Instead of putting myself down for not achieving something I know that I can revamp my goal and keep working.

What are your trick and tips for achieving goals? I would love to hear your ideas.

Using Questions to Change Your Life

I love questions! I ask a lot of questions and always have. I think I was one of those annoying toddlers that asked why every 5 seconds. I love to know why. I love to know why something works the way it does, why someone choose the path they choose, I especially love to know why someone thinks the way they do. I have learned that questions can change your life but you have to ask them correctly.

When I am experiencing a panic attack too often the first question I ask is “Why is this still happening to me?” This question doesn’t do anythng to help me stop the panic attack. All it does is make me feel worse because I am frustrated and upset about having a panic attack. If I instead ask, “What was I thinking about before the panic attack started?” I can begin the process of ending the panic attack.

If I am having a problem communicating with a friend I can ask myself, “What is wrong with me?” Putting all of the focus and the blame on my shortcomings. If I instead ask, “What choices am I responsible for that lead to this problem?” The focus is off of my shortcomings and what I think I did wrong and instead focusing on problem solving to fix whatever may have happened.

In these two examples you can see how different questions can be. One type of question we can use to put ourselves and others down. This type of question doesn’t do anything to help solve and problem. They can, however, do a lot to destroy our peace of mind and sense of self.

The second type of question focuses on finding solutions. They also take the focus off being a “bad” person. This type of questions helps us to problem solve and to look at the problem more objectively. Making it easier to find a solution for the issue facing us.

I love questions. But really I love good questions. I love questions that lead me to change and joy. I love when I can help others to change their questions to better serve them. Do you have a negative question you have been asking yourself? How could you change it to a postive question? If you need help I would love to help you, comment or message me and I will help you change your questions!

Be Comfortable with being Uncomfortable

 

I have been thinking about the importance of being uncomfortable. I wrote about this last week, to conquer anxiety you have to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. It is too easy to think that to keep the anxiety at bay you have to keep yourself safe. It is better to just stay where you know nothing bad is ever going to happen.

I have been trying something different this week. I have been putting myself in situations that are uncomfortable. Monday night I drove my husband around on some errands. I know this doesn’t sound that uncomfortable but I never drive when my husband is in the car. I don’t love driving and I worry too much about what people are thinking.

We had a family dinner on Sunday. I often get overwhelmed and leave early when in a big group. There are just too many different things happening. On Sunday I did my best to communicate and enjoy my time with family. Even though it was uncomfortable I tried to focus on making memories.

Why am I trying to put myself in situations that are uncomfortable? Because I think this is my next step in combating anxiety. I am tired of being safe just so that I don’t have an anxiety attack. Being uncomfortable helps me to see that I won’t die. Even though I may have some anxiety I am learning that I have control over it. I have learned that anxiety can’t destroy me so it no longer has as much control over me.

I am on a mission to make myself uncomfortable!

Practice with a Purpose

Last week at my piano lesson my teacher was explaining how I should practice. She said that I should not just play through a song hoping I would figure out the parts I was struggling with. Instead, I should practice with a purpose. Meaning that I should find the parts I’m struggling with and work on those either until I get them or I get too frustrated. Then move on to the next part I need to work on.

She said that when you practice with a purpose you progress faster and you more easily learn to play a song. I have been thinking about this advice for the last few days. I know that there are times in life where I just coast through life hoping that I figure it all out. I keep thinking I will work on that tomorrow. I will understand this better latter. The problem is I never really work on that thing I want to figure out.

When I take the time to “practice with a purpose” I more quickly figure out what I have been struggling with. As I have explained before I have struggled with anxiety throughout my life. The last few years I have learned tricks and solutions that have helped my overcome most of the anxiety. However, the last few weeks the anxiety has been flaring up again. The tricks and tips I have been using in the past weren’t working.

Today as I was working to calm myself down I realized I needed to think about the anxiety in a different way. I have always thought of the anxiety as something to control or get over. Instead, I decided that it was something I would need to get comfortable with for the next few months. I am choosing to make changes and try new things in my life and this will trigger the anxiety. Instead of stepping back from my goals I am going to live with the anxiety and use it as a sign that I am moving in the direction I choose.

I stopped just moving through my day and decided to “practice with a purpose” by understanding what was causing the anxiety to flare. Then choosing to live with the anxiety and not to let it control me. How can you use the “practice with a purpose” idea in your own life? I would love to hear your ideas. Please share them with me here.

Mindset – Scarcity or Abundance?

When my husband and I were first married we lived 9 miles away from the closest grocery store. And it was a small grocery store. We were 26 miles away from the closest Walmart. It took at least 20 minutes to drive round trip, to the little grocery store, if I forgot anything. To make sure I always had all of the groceries I might need I made a weekly list, I checked the staples to see if we were running low. I checked and rechecked to make sure that we had everything we may need for the week. My sister laughed at me whenever she came to visit because our fridge was always packed.

Fast forward almost 20 years. We now live within 3 miles of 2 different Walmart’s. I still make the weekly grocery list and I still worry trying to decide if we need more milk or if it will run out before the next grocery trip. Will I have enough eggs or should I get more?

What does this have to do with mindset? Just like I get stressed about making sure I have enough groceries I don’t always recognize the talents and abilities I have. Instead of focusing on all of the great things I can do I hyper focus on the things I don’t know how to do. I worry that there isn’t enough for me.

I having been learning about the abundance mindset. This is where you believe that there is enough for everyone. There is enough wealth, happiness and respect for everyone. Just like I don’t have to worry and stress about having enough groceries, believing that there is enough for everyone makes a huge difference.

So how do you change your mindset to focus on what is available instead of what you are lacking? One thing is to practice gratitude. Having just come through the Thanksgiving season I have tried to remain focused on all of the wonderful blessings I have been given. Focusing on the things, people and places we are grateful for helps shift our mindset to abundance and opportunity instead of focusing on all the things we lack.

Another way to change your mindset is to focus on growth. Instead of staying where you are find ways to grow your mind, talents or experiences. You can start a hobby just to learn something new. Listen to a podcast or read a book that stretches your mind to the possibilities of life. I personally love David Goggins and the things he teaches. He challenges me mind and my way of thinking.

Being open to trying new things is another way to help yourself grow. This one is probably the hardest for me. I love my world and I love things to be predictable. But there isn’t growth in staying the same. There isn’t a chance to learn if I never try something new. The stimulation that you get from the fear of trying something new helps to propel you forward.

Always being focused on what you are missing only amplifies all of the things you don’t have. To truly grow and change focus on all the possibilities and opportunities you have in your life. And try something scary.

What is My Job?

 

Quick reminder: You are not responsible to make other people happy. It is not your job to make other people feel comfortable. You do not need to be on high alert to be sure that no one says something to offend someone else.

Sometimes we take so much responsiblity on ourselves to make sure that everyone is happy. I have done this most of my life. But when the anxiety become overwhelming the need to control everything really kicked in.

I had to be sure that everyone around me was happy. I had to be sure that no one was mad. Especially not mad at me. But I had to be on high gear to make sure that no one offended someone else. And if that did happen then I had to fix it.

Guess what? That is exhausting! And it is not my job. It is not up to me to make everyone happy. Not even Disneyland can do that! It took me a long time to learn that lesson. It has taken me even longer to learn how to have boundaries.

It is ok to not be responsible for other people’s feelings. In fact it makes socailizing so much more fun. It takes so much less energy for me to be around people now. I don’t have to spend so much time worrying.

Life is hard enough. Take making other people happy off of your responsibility list. Then you can truly enjoy being around people and getting to know them.