Tag: anxiety

Do you like me?

adam-jang-260876-unsplashI have a personality trait that is good but taken too far causes problems for myself and sometimes other people. What is that trait you ask? It is wanting everyone to like me. On the positive side this trait can help me to make other people feel comfortable. On the negative side there is a part of me always worrying about what people think of me. I spend waaayyy too much time worrying about other people.

Another way this trait shows up negatively in my life is that after being around a lot of people I am exhausted. Because part of my brain is always on scan checking for what is upsetting people or what I can do to make others like me at the end of the evening I just want to be alone. Just coming out of the holidays and having some events over this last weekend. I decided I had to come up with some ideas to take care of myself. Read on to find out some ideas I came up with to make sure I don’t leave so exhausted.

The first idea I came up with is to accept that I am a people pleaser. Being around a lot of people is exhausting to me. That is just the way I am, being upset with that doesn’t change the way I am and it just makes me feel worse about myself. When I accept myself I can then focus on taking care of myself.  I can catch thoughts before they spin out of control. I can also remind myself that other people’s happiness is not my responsibility.

Another idea I came up with is to take breaks. I can do this by building some down time into a busy schedule or I can excuse myself from an event when I start to feel overwhelmed.  It is ok to leave the room, the restaurant or house for a few minutes to get my equilibrium back.  One of the best places I have found to go to when I am feeling overwhelmed is the bathroom. No one questions me when I say I have to go to the bathroom, then I can take a few minutes to gather myself.  When I go back to the crowd I feel more relaxed and ready to interact again.

When everything is over and you are on your own again a good cry does wonders.  Psychology Today reported that emotional crying release stress hormones and toxins that can help us to feel better.  In that case I am all in for a few tears to help get the stress out of my body faster.

Finally, I know that I need to take care of myself as much as I can. I know that exercise helps me to feel better overall. When I keep my workout program on tract I feel better and have more energy.  When I eat well I feel better. I am not a perfect healthy eater but when my blood sugar is balanced I have less of a chance of becoming hangry. (Which is good for everyone just ask my boys.)

I worry too much about what others think. I am working to embrace and accept that fact. While I do these steps will help me to deal with the effects of my thoughts. I would love to hear your ideas for dealing with negative thoughts! What do you do when worry overtakes you? Please comment below. I can always use more ideas to deal with life.

Creation is a Key

I am always looking for new ways or ideas that may help in dealing with anxiety and life.  I was reading an article with tips for dealing with people that bring drama into your life. One of the tips was to become a creator. So instead of letting them bring the drama create ways to head off that drama. This started me thinking about anxiety and how creativity can help deal curb the anxious feelings.

Personally when I am stuck in the anxiety I have swirling thoughts about what is wrong.  Worried about what may happen and trying to figure out what I could have done differently. As I have thought about becoming a creator it stops the anxiety. Because a creator is a doer it helps to stop the worry of what I should have done.

There are different ways to become a creator. One way I have started to become a creator is to create the life that I want. I have worked hard to deal with the negative thoughts. I have been working to create the world in my head that I want. The thoughts that I let stay in my head create the world that I inhabit.  I know you have probably heard this before but your thoughts make your life.

Another way to become a creator is to find a talent or hobby that helps you to create your life. What is something that you enjoy doing or maybe you want to learn? Having a hobby or craft that you can focus on when the anxiety comes to call helps to focus your thoughts. It helps to remind yourself that you are more than the anxiety.

I don’t even have to be working on something at that moment for it to help me curb the anxiety.  I usually have a few different projects going at the same time. When I start to feel the anxiety come on or even when I am in the middle of an anxiety attack I use one of the projects to help me focus. I am feeling overwhelmed or I am worrying about something I should have done differently I pick one of the projects I am working on and I start to focus on that. I am working on crocheting a blanket for my husband. I use this one to start thinking about what I need. Do I have enough yarn? When is the next time I can work on it? When do I want to be done with this project? How many rows do I need to do to meet this goal? By the time I have answered a few of these questions I am out of the anxiety loop and I can think clearly.

I have tried a few different crafts. I am not always good at finishing them but they help to focus my mind. I love the feeling of making our home a peaceful place for my family. “The bounds of creativity extend far beyond the limits of a canvas or a sheet of paper and do not require a brush, a pen, or the keys of a piano. Creation means bringing into existence something that did not exist before-colorful gardens, harmonious homes, family memories, flowing laughter.” Dieter F. Uchtdorf

What is one hobby that you enjoy? What is something that you have always wanted to learn? Give it a try, learn to play again, get back to something you enjoy. You are a creator, begin making the life you desire. You are worth every effort!

What piano has taught me about anxiety

I started taking piano lessons a few months ago. I know a little bit about the piano but I am definitely a beginner. I still have to pay close attention to what I am playing. I have learned that the way I play best is by not thinking about anything else. Most of the time I can’t even think about what is coming next, I just have to play what is in front of me.

When I try to think about what is coming I mess up what I am playing at the moment. If I start to think about how many mistakes I have made on the piece I just keep getting worse and worse; especially if I am playing in front of my teacher. If I start thinking about something else I am bound to make mistakes.

We live in a world that encourages even idealizes multitasking. Even as I write this I am eating breakfast, thinking about what we will have for dinner and making sure that the kids get out the door for school. But when I play the piano I can’t do or think about anything else.

Playing the piano gave me an idea for dealing with anxiety. My brain cannot be left alone because it usually wanders into the anxiety playground. I don’t even realize what is going on until I can’t catch my breathe or I start feeling horrible about life.

So the tip that I have learned from piano is this: pay attention to what I am thinking about or to what I am doing right now. I have to keep my brain focused. Not worrying about what other people think of what I am doing. Not worrying about what I will be doing next. Just focus on what I am doing right now.

Multitasking might be the way to do things these days but it just doesn’t work for me or for my mental health. I am learning to slow down. Pay attention to what I am doing and what I am thinking about. (Obviously I am not perfect at this as shown above but I am working on it!) Not only does this help me stop anxiety attacks before they start but I also do better at the task I am working on.

I know single tasking is not what the cool kids are doing these days but I encourage you to try it. Slow down, pay attention to the task or person in front of you. Make them the most important part of this moment and you will be surprised at how your life changes.

Hope Peace and Rest

Last week I was driving along the interstate and saw a billboard that said Jesus offers hope peace and rest.

I have been taught about the rest that Jesus offers for all of my life. For many years, however, I didn’t let myself feel that rest. My worries overtook any feeling of peace or rest that I may have received. I remember multiple times in my closet or next to my bed sobbing and begging for help. I just wanted to feel that peace that had been promised me. I had gotten to the point that I had decided that I would not be able to experience that rest until after this life. Deep down I knew that wasn’t what God had in mind for my life. He didn’t want me to experience that pain for the rest of my mortal life.

Only in the last few years have I realized that I had to give that fear, that burden to the Lord. He wanted to lift it and carry it for me. But he couldn’t just take it away I had to give it away. In the Psalm we are told to “Cast thy burden upon the Lord”. We can get rid of the burden but we have to be the ones to throw it to Him.

How do you do that? How was I finally able to let go of the fear to let the peace and rest of Christ into my life? Practice and faith

The practice in feeling that rest came during my prayers. During my personal prayers I focus as hard as I can on what I imagine God to look like. I slow down my breathing and take the time to clear my thoughts. Sometimes I imagine myself sweeping away everything that may stand between myself and the Lord. Then I start slowly with my prayer. I pay attention to what I am telling God. I make sure that I am being present with my thoughts. I try to act as if we are sitting in my room having a conversation. I focus on that sense of peace and rest that comes during prayer. I imagine Christ standing beside me lifting the burden from my back.

I had to get to the point in my faith that I could trust Christ with my burden. The anxiety made me believe that I had to do everything right and then I could approach Christ for help. As I started to come out of the anxiety through therapy and medication, I was able to start feeling the Holy Ghost guiding me. I could feel the love of Christ. I wish I could have felt this peace more during the anxiety but I am grateful it has come now.

I am not perfect. I don’t always feel that peace. But I know now that it is there for me. I know how to access it. I know that when I give away that burden even for a few minutes I can feel that peace. And that is enough to continue to believe in Christ and to continue to believe in myself.

What am I willing to sacrifice?

Sometimes in life we need to give up something we want right now for something we want even more. Sacrificing is hard and most of the time I really hate it when I am doing it. I have been thinking about sacrifice this week because of my husband. He recently asked one of our boys what they were willing to give up to achieve their goals. This got me to thinking about my goals. Am I willing to move out of my comfort zone to achieve what I want?

Anxiety affected my ability to reach out and connect with other people.  I was so worried about what other people thought of me I couldn’t get past my own thoughts to reach other people. I had so much going on in my brain I had a difficult time slowing down my thoughts enough to be able to hear another person.

Now I am mostly on the other side of those feelings. I can shut down an anxiety attack much quicker. I can slow down my brain enough to listen to what another person is saying. (Sometimes I have to work to do that but I can do it!) But I am still struggling to connect with other people. I recently went to a women’s group and after it was over I stood in the corner like an awkward teenager. I was too scared to reach out to any of the women.

I was too scared to reach out because I still have a portion of the anxiety in my head telling me that I am not good enough.  This lie holds me back from connecting with people because it tells me that the other person wouldn’t want to be my friend. It tells me that I don’t have anything to offer and that I am not good enough to help them even if I did offer. I know these are lies but at times they still control me.

This brings me to my sacrifice. I want to give up my comfort zone to connect with other people. It means I’m going to have to be vulnerable. It means I will have to be uncomfortable. It means I’m going to have to work. it scares me because of the lie. But I am tired of believing the lie and living in it’s shadow.

I am going to start fighting this lie of anxiety by reaching out to others. But I would love your ideas and support. How do you push through when you know you want something but you are sacred? How do you fight the lie of not being good enough?

Photo by Matt Kochar on Unsplash

Learning to live with anxiety

As I write this I am having an anxiety attack.  I have dealt with them for quite a few years. If you have anxiety you know how it feels: your heart starts to speed up, your thoughts go down a dark hole of negativty and you are certain that your heart is going to explode at any second. I have learned a few things about anxiety in the few years we have been buddies. I hope that they will help you not to have to travell the same path I have gone down.

First off, it isn’t going to kill me. I have been extra sensitive my entire life but the full on panic has been part of my life for about the last ten years. Althougth it often feels like it my heart has not yet exploded. The anxiety feels horrible and overwhelming but it isn’t going to kill me. In the middle of a panic attack it is hard to remember this but I promise it is true.

Another thing I have learned is that I can make the anxiety attack worse by the way that I think. When the anxiety starts I have two choice I can think this is horrible it is never going to end why do I have to put up with this why am I not strong enough to deal with life. Or I can think this is going to be a difficult day I really don’t want to do what I need to but I know that I can do it. My thoughts in the first experience lead me further down into the black hole. They make the feelings worse and my thoughts begin to spiral further out of control.  In the second example I am still having a panic attack but it doesn’t have the same control over me. I can stay above the black hole instead of entering in.

I have learned that to stay above the black hole I have to keep my mind busy.  Because of experiencing the anxiety for so long my brain is now accustomed to running quickly all of the time. I have found that I when I keep my brain busy with other things the panic doesn’t have as much space to take over.

Here is an example of what I mean. Most of my worry centers on what other people think of me so I have to make sure I am making the perfect choice all of the time. When I start to fixate on a worry I move those thoughts to an area I can actually change. When I start worrying I will imagine a stop sign and then move my thoughts in another direction. What do my boys need to get ready for school. I can start a list and begin to get things ready. By the time I have finished the anxiety is down to where I can handle it.

The panic attack I was having when I started this post is now subsiding. I know that I will deal with it more today because of what it is centered on. However, I know that I can handle it and not let it get out of control. I have faith in you also. The anxiety is not who you are, it is just a party of you that you can learn to handle.