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The reason I wanted to do this confidence challenge is very selfish.  I have always been a little unsure of myself and very nervous.  But the extreme anxiety I went through a few years ago really stripped me of any strength or confidence in myself.  I had just enough energy to take care of the necessities for myself and my family, nothing more.

Now I am getting better.  I feel like I have more energy to invest in myself and in relationships.  To do that I need to have confidence that I have something to offer others.  That is why I am doing this to regain confidence, to remind myself that I have something to offer in a relationship and to learn.  I am being very selfish in doing this but I also hope that by sharing my story it will help others to know that you can make it through hard times also.  The bad doesn’t last forever and things really do get better.

Day 6 – no advice about confidence but my reason for doing this challenge.

Today’s post is short because we are hanging out at the BSU football game. Go Broncos! (And I’m writing this on my phone.)

Confidence for me means choosing what is good for me instead of feeding my fears. I eat way too much garbage because “it makes me feel better”.  

Today because I’m focusing on confidence on said no to the candy at the grocery store. 

Day 5 is believing in yourself enough to make good choices. 

My mom gave me some advice today about gaining confidence.  First, become a widow and travel overseas.  The travel overseas part I am all for!  Becoming a widow not so much.

 

Then she told me we are all working on stuff so you don’t need to pressure yourself.  Besides if you were confident about everything you would be arrogant and annoying and no one wants to be around that.  That one made me laugh.  I don’t think I will ever be confident about everything so I should be ok!

 

But she had two really good points.  Sometimes we just need to do hard things to become more confident.  I believe that confidence is like a muscle the more we use it and exercise it the bigger it becomes.  That is why I am doing this 30 day challenge!

 

The second thing she reminded me about was to relax.  We are all working on different things and probably will be the rest of our lives.  So there really isn’t a reason to become stressed out about the changes we want to have happen.

 

When I was getting my brain back from the anxiety I realized that I had a choice when stress and anxiety came calling.  I could either get upset and angry that I was having ANOTHER anxiety attack or I could relax into it.  When I started to relax and let life happen the anxiety would go away.

 

Finally, my mom reminded me to have a sense of humor.  Life is too short to be serious about everything.  Take some time to laugh and enjoy all of the blessings you have.

 

Confidence day 3 is a mess of different things but mostly just relax and enjoy life!

Last month my mom and stepdad were coming to visit for a couple of days.  The boys kept asking when my mom and dad would be here.  Every time I would say, “He isn’t my dad!”  Now my stepdad is an awesome person that married into a very crazy family 4 years ago.  He handles us very well and is very patient with the bedlam we bring along when we come to visit.  But he isn’t my dad.  After a couple of days of the boys calling him my dad I was getting frustrated.

 

Our youngest said something about my dad coming to visit, I’m sure trying to get a rise out of me and he got it!  I almost yelled, “He isn’t my dad!!!”  Our youngest then said, “Well he might not be your dad but at least you have someone that loves you and wants to be around you.”  From the mouth of babes right?!  I was very humbled and decided to change my view.

 

He may not be my biological father but he does love my mom, me and the boys.  He does all he can for us and enjoys having us around.  That really sounds like a dad to me!

 

This got me thinking about the way that I look at the world.  Too often I get stuck in one view and it doesn’t change.  This man is my stepdad end of story.  But my youngest taught me that looking at life through a different view gives me so much more than at first I was willing to see.

 

What could change in your world if you were just willing to look at it just a little differently?

I love watching reality TV.  My husband hates it because he says it teaches other people to act that way in real life.  I know that even though it is called “reality”  they make a lot of it up for ratings.  But, anyway, it has been a guilty pleasure.

The last couple of weeks I have been busy and haven’t been watching as much TV.  Before, I would stay up past everyone else saying I just needed some time to myself.  My boys decided a few weeks ago that they wanted to start working out at the gym in the mornings and they needed a driver.  This meant that I needed to go to bed earlier so staying up late to watch TV was no longer an option.  (I didn’t want to leave my kids hanging at 5:30 am)

The last couple of weeks it has been amazing the things I have been able to accomplish.  And I felt so good; not only physically, because I did workout with them since I was at the gym anyway, but mentally as well.  Sunday night my hubby did an overnight work trip so I stayed up late and watched some TV.  Because I stayed up late I didn’t get up Monday morning to work out.  Then because I didn’t work out I decided I should just watch some more TV and relax.  This week is going to be another busy week and this morning was the only one I would have to myself. (That is how I justify my lazy TV time.)

However, as the morning went on I got more and more anxious.  My thoughts and feelings kept spiraling down and I felt horrible.  My energy level was so low I just kept sitting there even though I knew I needed to do other things.  Physically I was reverting to the anxiety ball that I go into when an anxiety attack is coming.  I knew it was because I was sitting around but I didn’t want to move.

Although I always knew intellectually that too much TV was not good for me I never made the connection to how much it affected my mental health until today. I just felt horrible and the longer I sat there the worse it got and the less I wanted to move.  It was a horrible downward spiral that I finally broke by getting up and moving.

Now I am going to be more careful with my TV time.  I need some suggestions for self care that will actually help me relax but not start a downward spiral.  What do you do when you know you need to take care of yourself?  Thank you in advance for your help!

 

Be Yourself,  Everyone else is already taken!

Oscar Wilde

 

Most of my life I have wanted to be someone else.  Someone not so sensitive, someone that everyone likes and someone that can just float through life without any worries.   That is so not me!!  I worry and I worry a lot.  If worry was an Olympic sport I am pretty sure I could take home gold!  I could take home the gold without even training!

Anyway the last few months I have come to realize that actually I really want to be me.  I want to the be the real me that isn’t worried about what other people think.  I have colored my hair some different colors and not been concerned when people  said they didn’t like it.  In fact, I was totally fine with them not liking my hair.

I have started really connecting with my family.  My boys can feel that I am more secure in myself and they are sharing more about what is going on in their lives.  Also, I have less “chatter” in my brain so I can really hear what they are telling me.

Twenty years ago I went on a mission for my church.  As we were getting off one of the flights a woman walked past me and handed me a note.  I have kept it all of these years because I felt she saw something in me that I didn’t see yet.  She wrote “I see in you a warrior of light, and truth, and compassion.  You are the essence of courage and strength.  You are clarity, and truth. There is a brightness in your being that radiates the joy that is you.”  That is me and that is you too!

Be you and I will be me because we are amazing the way we are!  Do we have challenges?  Yes! Are we perfect? No!  Are we loved anyway? Yes! Have an amazing day being you!

Photo credit: Aron Streibel

It is true it does and I really hate the lies it tells.  It tells me that the only way that I can be worthy of love is if I am perfect.  The only way people will love me is if I figure out just what they want and deliver it to them.  These are the two biggest lies my brain tells me.

Because my brain lies to me I have had to learn how to recognize the lies.  How do I do this?  By paying attention to how my body feels.  When I start to feel my body slow down or getting scared I know that my brain is saying something that isn’t true.  Then I combat the negative thoughts my brain is telling me.

When my brain tells me that I have to be perfect to be loved;  I remind myself of all of the people that love me now.  I remind myself that I am learning which is what this life is all about not being perfect.  I remind myself that people have loved me through some very imperfect times.  When my brain tells me that I have to do everything I can to make others like me; I remind myself that I can’t make other people do or feel anything.  I remind myself that even during the time I couldn’t do anything for anyone else there were still people around me that loved me.

Does that change or stop the negative thoughts?  Not always not right away.  I have learned to be very persistent in combating the negative feelings.  Sometimes I have to go over and over the positive until my brain believes me.  And sometimes I have to check in with other people.  The negative only survives if I stay in the dark.  When I bring the negative thoughts to light in my mind or to other people it destroys the negative thoughts.

Don’t stay in the negative.  You and I are both here for a reason.  We have so much to offer and bring to the world.  Don’t listen to the lies your brain tells you!