Last week my husband and I left for work at the same time. We go in the same direction for the first part of our commute. As we were driving my husband pulled into the other lane and passed me and got ahead. As I watched him pull ahead I thought “Should I follow him. If I follow will I be able to get over when I need to move over?”
I then relaxed back into my seat because I remember that I may not get to my destination as fast as my husband gets to his but I still get there. It doesn’t really matter how fast we move. What matters is that we have a destination and that we are moving towards it.
It is too easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing and then to start worrying. Am I doing this right? Am I going as fast as everyone else? Am I going to get to my destination when I should.
I will tell you a little secret though. There isn’t a map, there isn’t a timetable and there isn’t a universal right and wrong of when we should achieve certain things. It is ok to take more time, It is ok take a different path, It is ok to turn around.
Let’s make a deal that we support each other in our goals and desires. How can I support you?
I love switching over the calendar to a new month. Seeing that blank calendar makes me think of all the possibilities the new month may hold.
This month is bringing a new idea to the blog. I have decided that each month will have a different theme for blog and social media posts. Each month will bring different ideas and tips on how to change or improve your life.
February is the month of love so I will, of course, be sticking with that theme. We will be sharing ideas on self love, how to overcome imposter syndrome, and more.
I hope that you will be joining me throughout the month.
I was talking to a little neighbor boy the other day. He is only 8 and had lots of questions about college and jobs. As we were talking I forgot he is only 8. I was telling him about being a librarian and how I cheated becoming a librarian because I don’t have a Master’s degree.
He did not like that I said I cheated so I tried to explain that I wasn’t a cheater I was just lucky. He said I still don’t like that you cheated. I love the honesty of kids. This conversation got me thinking about what I tell myself. Although, I was just teasing about being a cheater it still has an effect on how I think about myself.
What labels do you use to describe yourself? Do you tell the truth when you describe yourself? Have you noticed how you feel when you use positive labels?
Just over 23 years ago I was boarding a plane to live in Washington D.C. for a year and half. I was going to be a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I was a young, naive, scared 21 year old that had never traveled by herself. AND I was in charge of helping another Sister from Mongolia who spoke limited English get there also. To say I was overwhelmed would be an understatement.
We boarded the plane in Salt Lake City having just said goodbye to my family. We changed planes in Denver and then would continue on to Washington D.C. As I was waiting to get off the plane in Denver I woman passed me in the aisle, handed me a note and continued off the plane. I didn’t have time to read the note until we boarded our plane for D.C.
I was then able to read the incredibly kind and loving note this woman gave me. I don’t know who she is and I could not pick her out of a line up of one today. But her note has stayed with me and carried me over rough spots over the last 23 years.
The last line of her note says “Remember that you are a warrior of light, and truth, and love, and the fight? There is no struggle. We just all want to get home. I love you.” How beautiful is that? We just all want to get home.
This is one example of a simple kindness that has blessed my life. I would love to explain to this woman what her simple act has done for me. She probably has no idea what an impact she had on my life. But she saw someone in need and took action.
I love sharing this story because I am not like this. I will see someone in need and hope that someone will do something. But that someone is me. That person has been put in my path so that I can help them. I am not naturally a connector. I might have written a note like this for someone but then I would second guess myself and not give it to them. But as I have rediscovered this note and the love that was shared with me during a vulnerable time I have begun to realize how much a simple act of kindness can change the direction of a person’s life.
Although reaching out to others is not natural for me it is a skill that I learn. I love people I am interested and want to help, I am just afraid. Afraid they will think I am weird, or afraid that they will laugh at me. Fear doesn’t get to run the show anymore. Each day I now look for one small thing I can do to reach out to someone else.
It may be as simple as leaving a comment on someone’s Facebook post. Or looking someone in the eye and saying hello. Or holding the door open for them when it would be easier to just walk on. Life is hard and scary and mean but that doesn’t mean that we have to be hard and scary and mean. We can change the world just by showing kindness in our corner of the world.
There is a children’s song in our church called “Smiles”. I am not sure if this is a song that most people know but it is one of my favorite. The song goes If you chance to meet a frown, do not let it stay. Quickly turn it upside down and smile that frown away. It is one of my favorite songs because it is gives us useful advice for fighting depression and also because I have a really good frown.
When I was a kid one of my teachers loved to sing this song because she said I had the best frown. She loved to sing it because my frown made her laugh. So my frown brought her joy!
The other reason I love this song is because it gives me a reminder of one simple way to fight depression. When depression comes to visit I find every part of my body turning down especially my mouth. Everything about me turns sad. But when I remember this song and try even a fake smile I feel a smidgen better. Is that because I am tricking myself or could there be something more?
“Dr. Isha Gupta a neurologist from IGEA Brain and Spine explains, a smile spurs a chemical reaction in the brain, releasing certain hormones including dopamine and serotonin. “Dopamine increases our feelings of happiness. Serotonin release is associated with reduced stress. Low levels of serotonin are associated with depression and aggression,” says Dr. Gupta.” quoted from NBC News.
I am not making it up, turning my frown upside down helps me to feel better. Dr. Gupta has shown that smiling can help change the way you feel. I can fight against depression just by smiling. Honestly, I will take any small step forward when depression comes to visit. (Just don’t be concerned if you see me smiling like the Joker!)
I am NOT saying that we should just pretend everything is okay and put on a happy face. We must be honest with ourselves and others when depression comes to visit. I am sharing this to give you one more tool in your arsenal when depression comes to visit. If you are anything like me you need every tool you can get to fight off depression.
Join with me in smiling – increase your dopamine and feel better today. If all else fails I will send you a picture of my frown. Guaranteed to make you smile!
As I write this I am having an anxiety attack. I have dealt with them for quite a few years. If you have anxiety you know how it feels: your heart starts to speed up, your thoughts go down a dark hole of negativty and you are certain that your heart is going to explode at any second. I have learned a few things about anxiety in the few years we have been buddies. I hope that they will help you not to have to travell the same path I have gone down.
First off, it isn’t going to kill me. I have been extra sensitive my entire life but the full on panic has been part of my life for about the last ten years. Althougth it often feels like it my heart has not yet exploded. The anxiety feels horrible and overwhelming but it isn’t going to kill me. In the middle of a panic attack it is hard to remember this but I promise it is true.
Another thing I have learned is that I can make the anxiety attack worse by the way that I think. When the anxiety starts I have two choice I can think this is horrible it is never going to end why do I have to put up with this why am I not strong enough to deal with life. Or I can think this is going to be a difficult day I really don’t want to do what I need to but I know that I can do it. My thoughts in the first experience lead me further down into the black hole. They make the feelings worse and my thoughts begin to spiral further out of control. In the second example I am still having a panic attack but it doesn’t have the same control over me. I can stay above the black hole instead of entering in.
I have learned that to stay above the black hole I have to keep my mind busy. Because of experiencing the anxiety for so long my brain is now accustomed to running quickly all of the time. I have found that I when I keep my brain busy with other things the panic doesn’t have as much space to take over.
Here is an example of what I mean. Most of my worry centers on what other people think of me so I have to make sure I am making the perfect choice all of the time. When I start to fixate on a worry I move those thoughts to an area I can actually change. When I start worrying I will imagine a stop sign and then move my thoughts in another direction. What do my boys need to get ready for school. I can start a list and begin to get things ready. By the time I have finished the anxiety is down to where I can handle it.
The panic attack I was having when I started this post is now subsiding. I know that I will deal with it more today because of what it is centered on. However, I know that I can handle it and not let it get out of control. I have faith in you also. The anxiety is not who you are, it is just a party of you that you can learn to handle.
I have been listening to Colleen Coble’s book “Tidewater Inn”. At one point a sister is talking about her brother and says that he was blessed with riches because the Lord knew that those riches would flow through him to bless those in need. This description stopped me and made me think. Do my riches and blessing flow through me to others in need or do I hold on to them so tightly I can’t see them?
I know for a long time I have had a death grip on my blessings. I didn’t want them to get away, I was afraid that there wasn’t enough. I thought I wasn’t enough. I thought if I didn’t hold on tight then my blessings would get away, that I would be left with nothing.
I have come to realize that fear was telling me lies. I have learned that when I squeeze my blessings so tight they can’t breathe it makes them die. When I believe that there isn’t enough, fear makes anything I do have smaller. I have learned that blessings multiply when they are given away.
I am still working on not being so afraid. But little changes are making a huge difference in how I feel. One simple mindset change has been to say I choose to spend my money somewhere else. Instead of saying we don’t have enough money for that thing. It seems small but it feels huge. By making this small mindset change I control how I feel instead of letting fear tell me what to feel.
Blessings are made to flow. They are supposed to flow to us and then out into the world to bless everyone. I have built a dam around my blessings but I am working to take it apart. I want my blessing to again be able to flow.
Today we went hiking to see an arrow. It is kind of a cool story. When the postal service first started to use planes to deliver mail they made cement arrows on the top of the mountains to direct the pilots.
When we got to the top of the mountain I decided to do some immersion therapy. I am really afraid of heights and I want to get over it. So I kept going out to the edge. My mom was not happy about me doing it. She is afraid of heights too.
At one point I was trying to climb over a little chasm. I had gotten across a little bit but then froze. My oldest came up behind me and was cheering me trying to help me get across. He said, “Don’t think just do it. OK maybe that is not the best advice coming from a teenager.”
But sometimes that is the best advice. I know that I way over think anything that I want to do. I worry over any choice that comes up. Sometimes I just need to do it.
Too much thinking often keeps me from doing what I really want. Overthinking kills confidence because I can find any little reason why something won’t work. I often give up before I even try because of overthinking.
When it comes to relationships I assume I have to be perfect. I have to find the one thing the other person wants me to do to be perfect. When I figure this out it means that I will be loved and respected.
I realized today that that I am the only person that thinks I have to be perfect. I don’t have to be perfect to MAKE anyone like me. People love me just the way I am. This thought may seem obvious to most people but it was a life changing fact for me.
Yes I have goals and dreams but I don’t have to achieve them to make people love me. I don’t need to be a perfect Stepford wife to make my hubby love me. I don’t have to be totally fit chick to make my trainer like me. (Seriously, she is so amazing and uplifting. She is all about helping people reach their goals, whether they have to do with health and fitness or not.) I don’t need to be the perfect mom to make my kids love me.
This was such an amazing realization. I can relax and have fun. I don’t have to spend all my mental energy figuring out the one thing I can do for each person to make them like me. Instead I can figure out what I can do to make them feel loved, to feel more confident.
I am amazingly grateful that I realized the truth today.
Day 8 – You are perfect the way you are! You don’t and can’t make anyone love you. Love yourself.
