Category: thoughts

What if?

 

austin-neill-308608-unsplashWhat if someone laughs at me?

What if no one talks to me?

What if my hubby doesn’t come home?

What if I lose my job?

I read somewhere that we should explore all of the What If questions in our life. In the article they were talking about the fun things. Their what if questions were more: what if I get the job? What if I take that class? What if I write that book? What if I start that business?

Unfortunately for too long my what if questions were the first ones you read. I was so worried about the bad things that might happen I didn’t have space in my brain left to think about the good questions. But I am learning that our brains are problem solving machines. So the questions we put to our brains they will focus on and figure out.

By putting so many negative questions to my brain it kept focusing on those questions and figuring them out. I was caught in a negative downward thought spiral. But I had all of my bases covered. I knew what I would do if my hubby didn’t come home. I have planned his funereal more than once. I knew what I would do if I lost my job. I figured out how to handle someone not liking me.

But I also lived in constant negative thinking. And trust me that is exhausting. When you are constantly scanning your life and your brain for the negative you will find it. So how did I change? By fighting against the negative spiral I was in. And trust me it is a fight I still have to contend with to this day.

When I have negative thoughts I scan them for truthfulness. Did I say something mean to my children? If so then I apologize. If what I said needed to be said but the delivery was wrong. Then I apologize. If what I said was correct and said in the way it needed to be said then I let it go. I tie a balloon to the thought and I let if float away.

Once that thought is gone I replace it with a positive thought or experience. Something I am looking forward to doing, something nice that was said to me, anything that is positive. My mind is never empty and if I don’t fill it with positive things the negatives will take over.

Now I focus on positive What ifs instead of the negative ones. I want my brain to figure out how to make the positive What Ifs true. Because of that my life is changing into what I want it be instead of what I am afraid it will be. What is one way that you will change your life into what you want it to be?

What serves you?

If what you’re doing doesn’t serve you; stop doing it. — Rachel Hollis

Such simple advice, right? One thing that I know doesn’t serve me is the way I talk to myself. I am my own worst critic. My hubby was gone over the weekend and when he is gone I watch waaayyy too much T.V.

Saturday night as I was sitting on the couch wasting time I kept trying to talk myself into going to bed. But the way I was doing it was awful. I kept saying things like, “This is such a horrible idea, You are going to be worthless tomorrow. Just go to bed you know you are being a loser.” At first I didn’t even notice what I was telling myself.

But as I started to feel worse and worse I realized what I was doing. I am not sure why I think putting myself down will help me get more done; it doesn’t work. I finally turned off the T.V. and started to bed. As I went I began thinking about the way I talk to myself. It doesn’t serve me.

I am tired of not believing in myself. I am tired of playing small because I am afraid of failing. I am tired of worrying about making other people happy. None of these things serves me.

The only thing I can control is myself. The most important thing I can control are my thoughts. Today I choose to take care of myself. Today I choose to believe in the things I can do. Because that does serve me. Today I choose to speak positively and truthfully to myself. Because that does serve me. Today I choose to be kind to myself. Because that does serve me. Today I choose to push myself a little bit harder. Because that does serve me.

What is one thing that you will give up that doesn’t serve you? What is one thing that you will replace it with that does serve you?

I choose to stand

Like everyone else the last few days some part of my brain has been focused on the tragedy in Las Vegas.

As I was listening to a news broadcast yesterday.  One of the people talking said that the feeling of being safe in your world has been taken away.  That for his children they no longer felt safe.  My kids have not grown up with the feeling of safety other kids do.  Most kids grow up believing that bad things don’t happen. Tragedy and sadness and hurt is something that belongs to other people.

Not my kids.  They know bad things happen.  They know that kids are hurt everyday.  They know that people die everyday.  Now let me be clear my kids live a very protected and sheltered life in most ways.  They have a safe place to live and they know we will do everything to protect them.  They don’t have to worry about where their next meal will come from or if they will have a place to sleep tonight.

However,  my husband is a police officer and a SWAT team member.  They know bad things happen.  They know that when those bad things happen their daddy will go running into the fray to protect everyone he can.  They know that this world is not safe.  Sometimes I feel bad for them because they have not grown up with a feeling of safety that most people take for granted.

But in other ways I am so grateful for the lives they lead.  I am grateful that they know what a true hero is.  They don’t care what sports players, actors or politicians do or don’t do because those aren’t their heroes.  They know police officers, EMTs, paramedics and firefighters.  They know soldiers current and veterans.  They know teachers that give everything to help them succeed.  They know that even when scary things happen there are people that will stand up for what is right.  Those people will stand up and save those that they can, often with their last breath.

Bad things happen and it hurts.  But good things and good people are all around us.  They are their standing up and helping each other.  They are their standing up and saving each other.  They are there standing up and fighting to make this world safe, to make this world fair.  They are there standing up and doing all they can to take care of each other.

I choose to stand.

Friends

People are scary!  Wait didn’t I just write this post?  Oh yea I did.

I wrote that post knowing that there was a women’s group, meeting at my church.  (The women’s group is called Relief Society.)  I knew that I needed to start going to make some friends.  And I had been asked to make cookies.  Perfect excuse to go right?  It was also a get to know you night because there are lots of new people coming so I wouldn’t be the only “new” person there.

All day yesterday all I could think is I don’t want to go.  I made the cookies thinking well I can just drop them off.  Or I can just go for half an hour.  At least if I go I can say I did it.  I JUST WROTE A BLOG POST ABOUT BEING FRIENDLY I HAVE TO GO.

Well, I didn’t go.  The world didn’t crash down.  We had a great night together as a family.  No one called me to ask where I was with the cookies.  It was all good.  Except I felt a little guilty because I didn’t go.  I mean I did just write this great blog post.

This morning I met a fellow “This is my Brave” cast member.  To be honest I thought she just wanted to meet to sell me her product.  I couldn’t figure out why she wanted to get together.  She is gorgeous, accomplished and totally awesome.  Why would she want to get together with me???  Yes these are all of the thoughts I have running through my head.

I really wanted to tell her that I wasn’t coming.  But I didn’t.  And you know what I was totally wrong!!  She just wanted to visit.  We talked for an hour all about life and goals and how we are doing mentally.  It was an amazing hour.

Maybe I can make new friends.  I just need to do it on my terms.

 

 

Thoughts Build a Life

I have been thinking a lot about self care lately.  Part of the reason for that is because it seems like everywhere I turn someone is talking about self care. Is that true for everyone or do I just really need to hear the message?   Another reason I have been thinking about it is because I know that I HAVE to take care of myself.  When I take care of myself the anxiety and depression are so much easier to handle.  So this month I decided that I would share with you some of the ways that I take care of myself.  Look for Self Care Thursday every Thursday in August!

One of the easiest things you can do to take care of yourself is to pay attention to your thoughts.  We have so many thoughts that run through our heads and most of the time we don’t even realize what those thoughts are or how they may affect you.  I know there were times that I would be in the middle of a panic attack and not even know what caused it.

So here is the tip: pay attention to the thoughts in your head.  Especially what you tell yourself about yourself.  This may take some practice if you are not accustomed to paying attention to your thoughts.  But it is a skill that can be learned.

The easiest way to do this is to grab a cheap notebook and pick a time each day that you can take five-ten minutes and write down all of thoughts you have in your head at that time.  It may be difficult at first to hear what you were telling yourself but stick with it!  It will get easier and you will be amazed and what you learn!

Another trick I learned from Jamie Knapp at Illuminate Mentoring (She is awesome!! Seriously look her up she has online classes that are life changing!! Look up Illuminate Mentoring on FaceBook)  Is to get two notebooks one is black the other can be which ever color you like.  Whenever you feel sad, depressed or just not yourself get out your black notebook and write down all of the negative thoughts you can remember.  When you get out all of the negative you bring out the other notebook.  In this other notebook you change each of the negative thoughts to a positive one.

Here is an example because I kinda had a hard time switching the negative to a positive.  A very common negative thought for me is that I must do exactly what others want to make them happy.  I cannot make any mistakes.  Changing that to a positive: I am a worthwhile person and others like me for who I am and they love me and forgive my mistakes.

Can you feel the difference between the negative and the positive?  I know that paying attention to your thoughts will make such a difference in your life.  I know that as I have changed the way I talk to myself my life has been changing.

So go get your notebooks and start taking care of yourself!!! (This is a perfect time to go get new notebooks because you have to buy them for back to school anyway.  Get yourself something cute!  Oh and maybe a new pen or two.  I love school supplies can you tell?)