Category: Testimony

Faith to be Healed

Thanksgiving was a much needed break and time with family. The only downside was coming home with a head cold. Unlike all of the memes that you see about how strong women are when they are sick and how wimpy men are, my house is the opposite. I am a horrible sick person, I am whinny and don’t want to do anything.

To help cut down on the length of the cold I took some NyQuil last night. I hoped that sleeping would give me an edge over the cold. The only bad thing is I am a lightweight when it comes to medicine. I don’t take a lot of medicine so when I do it knocks me for a loop.

I slept well last night but I had some really weird dreams! At one point I remember thinking that if I had faith then God could cure me of this cold in an instant. For the next I don’t know how long I prayed that I would be healed and I thought about what having faith meant.

Did I still have faith even if I woke up still sick? Did I have faith if I wasn’t cured right away? I am still not sure of those answers. I am still sick but I have seen tender mercies that show that Heavenly Father is still watching over me. My husband suggested medicine that would help deal with the symptoms. It has worked great and has helped me to be able to think more clearly.

My son went the extra mile this morning and I was able to get the kitchen cleaned. I don’t know about you but having a clean kitchen always makes me feel better. Probably because I spend so much time there.

So I haven’t been healed of the cold but I have seen that the Lord is watching out for me. Maybe being healed means more than just getting over a cold. What do you think? What does having faith mean to you even if you don’t get what it is you’re praying for? How do you continue to have faith in God when you don’t see the blessing you are wanting? I would love to hear your thoughts.

The Light Will Come Back

This past weekend the General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints was held. This means that we got to have church at home. We got to stay in our pjs and eat and be fed by the spirit. The Prophet, Apostles and Leaders of the church all spoke.

This weekend filled my spiritual cup in a way that has not happened for many years. For years after conference or any church meeting when someone said, “That was so wonderful wasn’t the spirit so strong?” I couldn’t agree with them. I couldn’t feel what they had felt. Usually what I felt was fatigue. Fatigue from trying to hard. Fatigue from wanting to feel that I was doing the right thing but not quite feeling it.

Fatigue from depression and anxiety weighing my heart down in a manner that made it almost impossible for me to feel the spirit. This weekend, though, was completely different. I could feel the Holy Ghost again speaking to me. I could feel the spirit reassuring me that I was on the correct path. I could feel the truth that all I have to do is my best.

So if you are in the position I have been for years. Hold on the light will come back. Take care of yourself. Do what you need to do overcome depression and anxiety. Do the things that make life better for you. Let the judgments of others roll away to the garbage where they belong. Remind yourself that Christ loves you. Remind yourself that you are a child of God.

The light will come back, the peace of the Spirit will return, the joy of serving God will light your life again. Just please hold on!

Good Friday

Today Christian faiths around the world honor the sacrifice that Jesus made for us by dying on the cross. We honor the life that He gave us, the faith and love that was shown to us by this act of love.

Then on Sunday we will celebrate the truth that He lives. He was able to break the bonds of death and be resurrected. I have had Christ on my mind even more because of this special week. I have been thinking about God’s plan for my life and how I can better fulfill it.

In Isaiah chapter 6 Isaiah sees in a vision the Lord and Isaiah is anointed to prophesy. Right after he is anointed he hears the voice of the Lord in verse 8 asking “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Isaiah answers “Here am I; send me.” Isaiah is then directed in what he should do.

I love the phrase “Here am I; send me.”

I love the faith and love that this phrase implies. No questions, no wondering, no worries. Just here I am send me to do thy work. Tell me what to do and I am there, I will do it.

I am not like this.

I am more of the mind that says I understand this is what I need to do but is there an easier way? Are you sure this is what you would have me do? Why is this something I should do? Why is it so hard?

I want to be more like Isaiah. Here I am send me. I want to be more like Christ. Even as he prayed in Gethsemane knowing the pain and suffering that would come he accepted it and did His work. I want my faith to be stronger than my fear.

As I work to that end I will continue to praise God. I will continue to thank Christ. I will continue to build my faith. Here am I; send me.

 

Keep your eye on the Son

If you were to join us at church you would find us at the very back of the congregation. You know the hard uncomfortable seats in the nosebleed section? That is where we are. We sit there for a few different reasons. But there is a consequence to sitting back there. I can see everyone else and there are lots of distractions to what should be my focus at the front.

I love watching people and when you sit at the back of the church it is prime people watching time. The problem is, it is not time to watch people or let my mind wander. This last Sunday I was working hard to pay close attention to what was going on.

During the Sacrament at The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints the bread and water are passed to the congregation by the eleven and twelve year old boys. One of those boys is my youngest son. As I was working to keep my attention where it should be I watched him as he passed the Sacrament.

As I watched him I was able to block out the rest of the people and focus on Christ and what He has given to me. The thought came to my mind “keep your eye on the Son.” I knew the thought meant more than just paying attention to my son. As I keep my eye on Christ and look to Him what other people are doing falls away. As I keep my eye on Him what other people think of me doesn’t matter. As I keep my eye on Him the worries that I have about life become smaller and less of a hurdle.

Life is hard and we are all struggling with things that cause us pain. When I spend my time looking around me I get overwhelmed with my shortcomings. I find myself putting others down in my mind. I find that I am not a very nice person. When I focus my life and thoughts on the Savior I find that I am more compassionate with myself and those around me. Instead of judging those closest to me I share the love and compassion of Christ.

Instead of putting myself down and focusing on the things I do wrong; when I focus on the love of the Savior I am remind of whose child I am. I am reminded that I am loved and saved. I am reminded of how much was sacrificed just for me.

When life gets hard I would encourage you to “keep your eye on the Son”. Don’t focus so much on where you are lacking but on what you were given. I know that changing your focus will make all the difference in your life.

Hope Peace and Rest

Last week I was driving along the interstate and saw a billboard that said Jesus offers hope peace and rest.

I have been taught about the rest that Jesus offers for all of my life. For many years, however, I didn’t let myself feel that rest. My worries overtook any feeling of peace or rest that I may have received. I remember multiple times in my closet or next to my bed sobbing and begging for help. I just wanted to feel that peace that had been promised me. I had gotten to the point that I had decided that I would not be able to experience that rest until after this life. Deep down I knew that wasn’t what God had in mind for my life. He didn’t want me to experience that pain for the rest of my mortal life.

Only in the last few years have I realized that I had to give that fear, that burden to the Lord. He wanted to lift it and carry it for me. But he couldn’t just take it away I had to give it away. In the Psalm we are told to “Cast thy burden upon the Lord”. We can get rid of the burden but we have to be the ones to throw it to Him.

How do you do that? How was I finally able to let go of the fear to let the peace and rest of Christ into my life? Practice and faith

The practice in feeling that rest came during my prayers. During my personal prayers I focus as hard as I can on what I imagine God to look like. I slow down my breathing and take the time to clear my thoughts. Sometimes I imagine myself sweeping away everything that may stand between myself and the Lord. Then I start slowly with my prayer. I pay attention to what I am telling God. I make sure that I am being present with my thoughts. I try to act as if we are sitting in my room having a conversation. I focus on that sense of peace and rest that comes during prayer. I imagine Christ standing beside me lifting the burden from my back.

I had to get to the point in my faith that I could trust Christ with my burden. The anxiety made me believe that I had to do everything right and then I could approach Christ for help. As I started to come out of the anxiety through therapy and medication, I was able to start feeling the Holy Ghost guiding me. I could feel the love of Christ. I wish I could have felt this peace more during the anxiety but I am grateful it has come now.

I am not perfect. I don’t always feel that peace. But I know now that it is there for me. I know how to access it. I know that when I give away that burden even for a few minutes I can feel that peace. And that is enough to continue to believe in Christ and to continue to believe in myself.

Patience is Hard

Patience is hard, sometime it is crazy hard. I want to have what I want NOW. I want to know all the steps in my path NOW. I want to know what I should be doing NOW. Is anyone else like that?

I was listening to the book of Alma in the Book of Mormon the other morning as I was getting ready. Alma 20:29 stopped me in my tracks (metaphorically I really had to get ready for work.) The end of the verse says “nevertheless they were patient in all their sufferings.”

The people that Alma was talking about had been in jail. Their skin was raw from being tied up. They were hungry, thirsty and had probably been beaten. But they were patient. They waited on the Lord to rescue them. They knew that no matter if they lived or died they were on the Lord’s errand.

Maybe I am not so patient because I am not sure I am following the Lord’s plan for my life. How do you have patience and faith in the Lord? How do you know you are on the correct path for your life?

Photo by John Salzarulo on Unsplash

All You Can Do

I have always been told that God will help you after all you can do.  He then steps in and makes up the rest.

I have taken this to mean that I have to fight and scramble and figure out twenty different ways to fix something in my life.  Because there is always MORE I could do.  So what does that mean for me asking God for help?  It didn’t happen; I always felt there was more I could do.

Today as I was thinking about life and this challenge the thought came to me rely on God.  As I thought about what that would mean I remembered an incident from yesterday.  My monkey likes to get snacks before or after gymnastics.  Yesterday we decided to stop at the Maverick after gymnastics and get a snack.  As he was walking around trying to decide what he wanted I also wandered the store.  I was trying to convince myself that I really didn’t NEED a snack.

Then I saw their yummy sugar cookies sitting in the cooler.  So I asked for help.  Heavenly Father I really want that cookie but I know I should be eating better.  Oh never mind, I really want it so I am just going to get it.  So I did and I ate the entire thing and it was delicious.  However,  I wasn’t really asking for help in resisting the treat.

Today as I thought about relying on God for help my prayers changed.  (Now let me just say that eating yummy things is not bad.  My problem is I overdo it.  If one is good 10 is so much better!)  Instead of a passing pretend prayer I have tried to rely more on God.  My request has been different. Heavenly Father, I really want that candy bar but I know it isn’t good for me.  Please fill me up with your love and turn my heart to thee.

I guess the difference really is in the humility of my requests.  I can only rely on Heavenly Father when I am truly humble enough to ask with a sincere heart and then listen to what He is telling me.

Now I understand better what I have been told for so many years.  God will help you after all you can do.  Right now when it comes to candy all I can do is about 2 minutes.  Then I have to call in the big guns.  He fills in the rest – which to me means that He pours love and acceptance into my heart.  He lets me feel the love He has for me.

Day 9 – Believe in God (or a higher power) that He is listening; that he loves you.  Believe that your struggles are not your own to carry.  He will lift and help and carry you.

Confidence – Day 1

Yesterday we were able to attend the open house at the Meridian Idaho Temple for the LDS church.  It was very peaceful even with all of the people there.  I am very grateful for the time I was able to spend there with my family.

I was reminded of who I am.  I am a child of God.  My worries and concerns are actually very small when I remember this fact.  God is there, he loves me.  He wants me to be confident and he wants me to be happy.

I watched Demi Lovato’s documentary “Simply Complicated” at one point she talks about her addictions.  She said that she just had to submit to a higher power to help her overcome.

As I thought about this I realized that I don’t have to try to be anything I am not.  I am already perfectly formed by God.  Because I am loved the way I am I can be confident in that love.  I can be confident in who I am.  When I submit to God and listen to what he tells me I am filled with confidence.  I know in whom I have trusted (2 Nephi 4:19) I know that he will help me.

My first day of finding confidence is a reminder in who I am.  A reminder I needed and for which I am very grateful.

PS If you are interested in visiting the temple I would love to go with you!

I just did a Thing

I did a thing and to most people this thing is not that big of a deal.  To me it is HUGE!

My thing?? I just set my alarm for 5:15am for tomorrow morning!! And I am excited about it! Why is this such a big deal?  Because I have never liked to get up.  In fact when my hubby and I were engaged we were at a family reunion and my siblings were ready to go hiking and I was still asleep.  They sent my hubby up to wake me up.  When my Dad noticed he was gone from the living room he asked where my hubby had gone.  When my sister said to wake up Janna.  Dad said well that engagement is off.

Through the dark days of anxiety and depression sleep was even more precious to me.  I could escape through sleep.  In fact when my oldest was in first grade he would have to come and wake me up for school.  Yep a 6 year old was waking up his mom for school.

Why does all of this matter? It matters because I want you to know that things change.  You will get better.  The days aren’t always hard and the world isn’t always scary.

I am excited to wake up in the morning now because I have dreams and goals.  I still deal with depression and anxiety; some days are just hard.  It does get better.  There is a light.  Life changes for the better.  There are so many people rooting for you and cheering you on.  You don’t even know!

You are loved, keep up the fight!

Photo by Heather Zabriskie on Unsplash

 

Take care of yourself

I wrote this list after a church meeting.  I had been feeling very empty spiritually and a little bit lost.  This meeting was excatly what I needed to get me moving back towards my Heavenly Father.  When I got home I wrote this list to help remind me of what I learned and ways I can take care of myself.

I hope this list helps you also.

Talk kindly to and about yourself.  That means no putting yourself down to others for a “joke”.  No telling yourself you are stupid fat crazy etc.

Let yourself feel things without judgement.  No telling yourself you are useless because you are having an anxiety attack AGAIN!  Just feel it and let it go.

Let the Holy Ghost into your life.  He will tell you who you truly are.  You can know and feel that you are a very special child of Heavenly Father.  Let him talk to you.

Move your body.  Nothing feels better than moving and stretching.

Rest your body.  Ok napping feels better especially after moving and stretching.

Feed your body good things.  Mostly that means healthy foods that feed and help your body.  But sometimes that means feeding your body a treat.

Fill your mind and soul with good things.  Good books, beautiful artwork, sunsets that catch the clouds on fire.

Give of yourself.  Not to the point of exhaustion.  But reach out and help someone.  Listen to your children’s problems or stories even when you just really want to finish that blog post.

Find your people and nurture those relationships.  Sometimes it is hard to find the people you really click with.  But when you do – don’t let those relationships fall to the wayside.