Category: strength

I just did a Thing

I did a thing and to most people this thing is not that big of a deal.  To me it is HUGE!

My thing?? I just set my alarm for 5:15am for tomorrow morning!! And I am excited about it! Why is this such a big deal?  Because I have never liked to get up.  In fact when my hubby and I were engaged we were at a family reunion and my siblings were ready to go hiking and I was still asleep.  They sent my hubby up to wake me up.  When my Dad noticed he was gone from the living room he asked where my hubby had gone.  When my sister said to wake up Janna.  Dad said well that engagement is off.

Through the dark days of anxiety and depression sleep was even more precious to me.  I could escape through sleep.  In fact when my oldest was in first grade he would have to come and wake me up for school.  Yep a 6 year old was waking up his mom for school.

Why does all of this matter? It matters because I want you to know that things change.  You will get better.  The days aren’t always hard and the world isn’t always scary.

I am excited to wake up in the morning now because I have dreams and goals.  I still deal with depression and anxiety; some days are just hard.  It does get better.  There is a light.  Life changes for the better.  There are so many people rooting for you and cheering you on.  You don’t even know!

You are loved, keep up the fight!

Photo by Heather Zabriskie on Unsplash

 

I choose to stand

Like everyone else the last few days some part of my brain has been focused on the tragedy in Las Vegas.

As I was listening to a news broadcast yesterday.  One of the people talking said that the feeling of being safe in your world has been taken away.  That for his children they no longer felt safe.  My kids have not grown up with the feeling of safety other kids do.  Most kids grow up believing that bad things don’t happen. Tragedy and sadness and hurt is something that belongs to other people.

Not my kids.  They know bad things happen.  They know that kids are hurt everyday.  They know that people die everyday.  Now let me be clear my kids live a very protected and sheltered life in most ways.  They have a safe place to live and they know we will do everything to protect them.  They don’t have to worry about where their next meal will come from or if they will have a place to sleep tonight.

However,  my husband is a police officer and a SWAT team member.  They know bad things happen.  They know that when those bad things happen their daddy will go running into the fray to protect everyone he can.  They know that this world is not safe.  Sometimes I feel bad for them because they have not grown up with a feeling of safety that most people take for granted.

But in other ways I am so grateful for the lives they lead.  I am grateful that they know what a true hero is.  They don’t care what sports players, actors or politicians do or don’t do because those aren’t their heroes.  They know police officers, EMTs, paramedics and firefighters.  They know soldiers current and veterans.  They know teachers that give everything to help them succeed.  They know that even when scary things happen there are people that will stand up for what is right.  Those people will stand up and save those that they can, often with their last breath.

Bad things happen and it hurts.  But good things and good people are all around us.  They are their standing up and helping each other.  They are their standing up and saving each other.  They are there standing up and fighting to make this world safe, to make this world fair.  They are there standing up and doing all they can to take care of each other.

I choose to stand.

Friends

People are scary!  Wait didn’t I just write this post?  Oh yea I did.

I wrote that post knowing that there was a women’s group, meeting at my church.  (The women’s group is called Relief Society.)  I knew that I needed to start going to make some friends.  And I had been asked to make cookies.  Perfect excuse to go right?  It was also a get to know you night because there are lots of new people coming so I wouldn’t be the only “new” person there.

All day yesterday all I could think is I don’t want to go.  I made the cookies thinking well I can just drop them off.  Or I can just go for half an hour.  At least if I go I can say I did it.  I JUST WROTE A BLOG POST ABOUT BEING FRIENDLY I HAVE TO GO.

Well, I didn’t go.  The world didn’t crash down.  We had a great night together as a family.  No one called me to ask where I was with the cookies.  It was all good.  Except I felt a little guilty because I didn’t go.  I mean I did just write this great blog post.

This morning I met a fellow “This is my Brave” cast member.  To be honest I thought she just wanted to meet to sell me her product.  I couldn’t figure out why she wanted to get together.  She is gorgeous, accomplished and totally awesome.  Why would she want to get together with me???  Yes these are all of the thoughts I have running through my head.

I really wanted to tell her that I wasn’t coming.  But I didn’t.  And you know what I was totally wrong!!  She just wanted to visit.  We talked for an hour all about life and goals and how we are doing mentally.  It was an amazing hour.

Maybe I can make new friends.  I just need to do it on my terms.

 

 

Go ahead and FAIL

Gymnastics seems to be taking over my life.

For awhile I would go to two different gymnastics classes every Monday.  Now I only need to go to one.  But that class is 2 hours long.  I sit there and watch kids a quarter, yes a quarter, of my age doing things that I have never and will never be able to do.  (I know we should never say never but even as a kid I could’t move like that.  Now that I am considerably older it is not going to happen.)

Anyway,  one of the coaches mentioned that gymnasts mess up 95% of the time. They practice so much to train their muscles to do the correct thing the 5% of the time they are in front of the judges.

It amazes me to sit and watch these kids  for just a fraction of the amount of time they spend each week practicing.  They spend hours doing the same thing over and over again.  Why?  So they can cut down the 95% failure rate.  Because they know the more they practice the less failures they will have.  Because they know the more they practice the bigger the 5% of doing things correctly becomes.

This of course made me think of my own life.  I start something new and I want to be perfect right away.  I don’t want to redo anything or keep trying.  To tell you the truth the only time I argued with my mom is when she wanted me to take out stitches when she was teaching me how to sew.

I don’t have the patience to sit and work and work to figure out how to do something.  However,  I have goals and dreams.  So I may not have patience now it is certainly something that I can develop.  I choose to start now.  Everyday I choose to do one thing that will get me closer to my goal.

Right now that means that I need to learn a lot about the technical side of blogging.  I need to learn how to make changes to my website.  How to add pages and make the content more interesting to look at.

I need to learn about marketing.  How do I use different social media outlets to share my message?  How do I make interesting instagram posts?  Where do people find the awesome quotes from others?  And seriously how do they write such great quotes?

I may keep failing 95%.  But when I work everyday it gives me more of a chance to succeed the other 5% because I am doing more.

And these gymnasts that are on team are seriously ripped!  I want to be the elite gymnast of supporting others to reach their goals!  Do you have an exciting goal you would like help achieving?  I would love to help you.  Contact me for more information.

So much more than fear

I have dreams and goals.  Ideas and visions.  I also have fear.  Lots and lots of fear.

I hear all the time do it scared.  You don’t have to be perfect just go for it. I know, I believe, then I do.

The fear is still there but I feel better.  Dreams and goals are being achieved. Then I decide I just need a day to relax.  And the fear comes back in full force.

Why am I doing this?  Why did I say that?  Why didn’t I believe in them?  Why don’t I have any friends?  And I don’t want to move.  If I do I will shatter I know that I will.

But I move, I start writing.  I start believing in me again.  I hope that I can soon breathe through the anxiety.  I try connecting without overdoing the fear.  But they don’t answer my text.  I know it is because I offended them and they are never going to talk to me again. (OK really they are probably just busy but this is what my fearful brain tells me.)

I share what it feels like because that is the only way that I know how to get rid of the fear.

Breathe, breathe the fear isn’t real it isn’t me.  It is part of me but it isn’t the real me.  I have to learn to live with it.  I thought I had this all figured out.  Maybe I did.  I just need to go back to what I know.

Take care of me, love me, believe in me.  Love is the true me.  Love is always the truth.

Crushing Life Thursday!

I have run for years.  I was never super consistent until about ten years ago when my husband needed to do something to get his blood pressure under control.  We decided to start running.  Now my husband hated running!  But it was cheap (unless you think about the cost of running shoes!) and easy to do since you can just go out your door and do it.

We started really slow; run 2 minutes walk 2 minutes for about half an hour.  We eventually worked up to running races.  I have run half marathons and a full marathon.  My husband and I have run 6 relay races.  And it took me years before I would say I am a runner.  I still don’t claim that title very often.  I had a friend refer to me as a runner a couple of weeks ago and I said “No I run I am not really a runner.”

Why would I say that?  Because I don’t have the look of a runner.  I am not as fast as I think a runner should be.  I just felt that claiming the title of runner means I should be better than I am.  But guess what?  I run so I am a runner.

So often in my life I put down what I do because I don’t feel I am good enough.  I don’t claim all of the amazing things I have done in my life!  I am a runner, I am a mother, I am a blogger, I am a quilter, I am a speaker, I am a pageant girl, I am a joy coach.  I am amazing!

What amazing things do you do that you haven’t claimed?

This month’s is all about you!  I love the back to school time.  Getting to buy new notebooks and pens.  This time of year, more than January, makes me think about what I want in my life.  What do you really want in your life?  What one thing would you love to try but you are a little nervous, ok a lot nervous?  What habits would you like to break or make?

Join me every Thursday this month for Life Crushing Thursday!  Where we will explore different ways to explode our life into what we want!

Take care of yourself

I wrote this list after a church meeting.  I had been feeling very empty spiritually and a little bit lost.  This meeting was excatly what I needed to get me moving back towards my Heavenly Father.  When I got home I wrote this list to help remind me of what I learned and ways I can take care of myself.

I hope this list helps you also.

Talk kindly to and about yourself.  That means no putting yourself down to others for a “joke”.  No telling yourself you are stupid fat crazy etc.

Let yourself feel things without judgement.  No telling yourself you are useless because you are having an anxiety attack AGAIN!  Just feel it and let it go.

Let the Holy Ghost into your life.  He will tell you who you truly are.  You can know and feel that you are a very special child of Heavenly Father.  Let him talk to you.

Move your body.  Nothing feels better than moving and stretching.

Rest your body.  Ok napping feels better especially after moving and stretching.

Feed your body good things.  Mostly that means healthy foods that feed and help your body.  But sometimes that means feeding your body a treat.

Fill your mind and soul with good things.  Good books, beautiful artwork, sunsets that catch the clouds on fire.

Give of yourself.  Not to the point of exhaustion.  But reach out and help someone.  Listen to your children’s problems or stories even when you just really want to finish that blog post.

Find your people and nurture those relationships.  Sometimes it is hard to find the people you really click with.  But when you do – don’t let those relationships fall to the wayside.

Thank you for being a friend!

Thank you is a common phrase.  We say it all the time.  Two very simple words. Simple words that have the power to change your life!

Right now I want you to take a few moments close your eyes and think about all of the things you are grateful for.  Really picture them in your mind don’t just make a list.  Think about why you are grateful for these things or people.  Why are they important to you?  What difference have they made in your life?

How did you feel when you did this?  More or less stress? Did thinking about these things bring a smile to your face?  Did your shoulders relax?  What feelings were brought to your heart?

Gratitude though a simple practice is a great form of self care.

Why?  By cultivating gratitude we are able to really see all of the blessings we have in our lives.  There are so many ways that we can incorporate gratitude into our lives.  Instead of throwing out a quick thank you to someone that helped us;  really focus on them and say thank you.  Is there someone that has really blessed your life?  Write them a letter of thanks.  How great would it be to get something in the mail other than bills?  Focus on the people in your life.  Find one specific thing each day you can thank them for.  (Not just “you’re awesome” find something specific!)

One way that I incorporate gratitude in my life is through my tender mercies journal.  Each night I write one thing that happened that day that I am grateful for or was a tender mercy or blessing from the Lord.  Each night I get to stop for a few minutes at the end of the day to think about the good that has happened.  I tend to focus too much on the negative.  Writing in my tender mercies journal is helping to retrain my brain to focus on the good instead.

And you don’t just have to take my word for how good gratitude is for you.  The Great Good Science center at Berkeley has an entire section focused on gratitude. (They have lots of other stuff too.  I highly recommend this site!)

Start today really focusing on the things you are grateful for.  Because just like a microscope the things you focus on become bigger!

Thoughts Build a Life

I have been thinking a lot about self care lately.  Part of the reason for that is because it seems like everywhere I turn someone is talking about self care. Is that true for everyone or do I just really need to hear the message?   Another reason I have been thinking about it is because I know that I HAVE to take care of myself.  When I take care of myself the anxiety and depression are so much easier to handle.  So this month I decided that I would share with you some of the ways that I take care of myself.  Look for Self Care Thursday every Thursday in August!

One of the easiest things you can do to take care of yourself is to pay attention to your thoughts.  We have so many thoughts that run through our heads and most of the time we don’t even realize what those thoughts are or how they may affect you.  I know there were times that I would be in the middle of a panic attack and not even know what caused it.

So here is the tip: pay attention to the thoughts in your head.  Especially what you tell yourself about yourself.  This may take some practice if you are not accustomed to paying attention to your thoughts.  But it is a skill that can be learned.

The easiest way to do this is to grab a cheap notebook and pick a time each day that you can take five-ten minutes and write down all of thoughts you have in your head at that time.  It may be difficult at first to hear what you were telling yourself but stick with it!  It will get easier and you will be amazed and what you learn!

Another trick I learned from Jamie Knapp at Illuminate Mentoring (She is awesome!! Seriously look her up she has online classes that are life changing!! Look up Illuminate Mentoring on FaceBook)  Is to get two notebooks one is black the other can be which ever color you like.  Whenever you feel sad, depressed or just not yourself get out your black notebook and write down all of the negative thoughts you can remember.  When you get out all of the negative you bring out the other notebook.  In this other notebook you change each of the negative thoughts to a positive one.

Here is an example because I kinda had a hard time switching the negative to a positive.  A very common negative thought for me is that I must do exactly what others want to make them happy.  I cannot make any mistakes.  Changing that to a positive: I am a worthwhile person and others like me for who I am and they love me and forgive my mistakes.

Can you feel the difference between the negative and the positive?  I know that paying attention to your thoughts will make such a difference in your life.  I know that as I have changed the way I talk to myself my life has been changing.

So go get your notebooks and start taking care of yourself!!! (This is a perfect time to go get new notebooks because you have to buy them for back to school anyway.  Get yourself something cute!  Oh and maybe a new pen or two.  I love school supplies can you tell?)

Don’t look down!!!

Sky Trail Navigator Comes to Wahooz

Our family vacation this year was spent at Wahooz!  They have changed a lot since the last time we visited.  One of the changes was the addition of a ropes course.  When I first heard about it I thought it would be a little course with a couple of different things to do.  But the reality was very different, it was huge!  It is two levels the first level is about 20 feet off the ground with different paths going every which way.  It kind of looks like a spider web.  Then there is a second level another 15 feet up.

 

I was so excited to try this out.  I have rock climbed and repelled and it is so much fun!  I thought the ropes course would be something like rock climbing.  My husband and my niece where the first ones on the course and they looked like they were having so much fun.  They were walking around on the different levels no problem.  So we went and got the safety gear on and started up the stairs to the first level.

 

All of the kids scattered to the different paths and were having a blast!  The landing that you come up on has three different paths coming off of it.  I went to step off onto one of the paths and remembered that I really hate heights!  I could step off with one foot but I couldn’t get the other foot off of the landing.

 

My hubby came down to help me.  His first advice was to look ahead to where you are going not where you put your foot right now.  I listened I did but I still couldn’t move.  Finally I decided that I had to move onto one of the paths even if everything in me was yelling at me to get back down on the ground.  I have fought too hard to let the fear win.  So I moved!

 

I decided to go across the path that was a rope that you walk on and a rope that was just above chest height that you could hold onto.  As I worked my way across the path every muscle in my body was tensed.  Every time I moved the ropes would start swinging.  When they would start swinging I would react by moving in the opposite direction.  I was trying to control the ropes but all I did was to make the swinging worse.  I finally got control of myself and the ropes and made it across to the next landing.

 

My husband helped me across the rest of the paths and as I got more comfortable each path was easier and easier.  We spent about an hour on the ropes course and then went and did the other fun things that Wahooz has to offer.

 

Later that day my youngest wanted to do the course again so I went up with him.  This time because I had done it before I was much more relaxed.  Getting my second foot off the platform was still hard but I was able to do it without help this time.  We did end up doing that first path again and I learned something.

 

I learned that if I just relaxed into the swing instead of fight it there was much less swing. I slowed down and enjoyed the journey across.  Especially because our youngest is hilarious and always has something funny to say.  As I finished the course the second time I started to think about what I had learned.  

 

First, my husband taught me that instead of looking at where I am and stressing about how scary it will be to move forward I should look to where I am going.  He told me to look just a little way ahead on the path.  This helped so much when I finally did it because it made the ground blurry and I could really focus on the rope.  But it also took the pressure off of  what I felt I HAD to do right now.  All I had to do was move forward to the point ahead.

 

Too often in life I look at this huge goal I have and it so overwhelming I have no idea how I am ever going to accomplish it.  Aron taught me that I just need to look at the next step while keeping the big goal in mind.  That way I know where I want to get to but I focus on the steps to get there not this huge scary thing I’m trying to do.

 

Second, I learned that when I relaxed into the scary parts it made it much easier.  Instead of tensing every muscle in my body I tried to relaxing into the harness and waiting for the ropes to stop moving.

 

In life there are times that are so hard!  When I was in the middle of the anxiety I reacted to an anxiety attack much like I did the first rope path.  I tensed up got angry and scared that I was having another anxiety attack which made the attack even worse.  As I have learned more about anxiety and how to handle it I have realized that I need to just relax into it.  Now when the anxiety starts I acknowledge it.  I let it take its course through my body and I find something else to do or think about.  Before I know it the anxiety is gone and I didn’t have to suffer.  

 

I know that life is hard and there are times that are just ugly.  But I also know that those times are NOT going to last forever.  Relax into that time when life is hard.  Look to your next step.  Look to what needs done right now then the next right now.  Slow down.  Take care of yourself.  Ask for help from people you trust.  Say no to things you don’t want to do or can’t handle right now.  Know your limits and respect them.  You are OK right now.  You don’t have to do anything to fix you because you are perfect!  Right Now YOU are perfect!  Just the way you are!