Category: strength

Dealing with Travel Anxiety

A few weeks ago I flew to Palm Springs to attend my sister’s wedding. I was excited to see her and my family and to have some sunshine during a very gloomy few weeks here in Idaho. One thing I knew I would have to deal with is travel anxiety. It has been a long time since I flew and even longer since I did it by myself. I was nervous about being on my own but over the weekend I came up with a few tips to help myself and hopefully others when traveling.

One of the most important things to remember about anxiety is that no one else knows you are nervous. Although it feels like the anxiety is shooting out of your body and everyone should be able to tell you are freaking out they really can’t tell. My family are the only ones that have an idea that I am having an anxiety attack. So don’t worry about what other’s may be thinking, it really doesn’t matter anyway.

As much as you can while you are traveling get in some movement. If you have time between flights walk around. Being able to move your body will help to work some of the nervousness out. Plus it is good for you and helps when you have to sit for long periods of time in cramped space.

I always bring way too many things with me to “work on”. I have finally gotten a smaller purse that I can’t carry books and my lunch in. But when I travel I carry a lot of stuff. I have a notebook for writing down thoughts I want to get out of my head. I bring a project I am working on, usually a crochet project. The repetitive motion helps to calm me and I have something besides my own thoughts to occupy me. I always have lotion and essential oils with me. My favorite right now it tangerine. You can see why I usually carry a big purse. Oh and of course something to read. Having a Kindle has drastically reduced the size of my bag.

Finally, when I have gone on long trips I have brought notes with me. I have notes from family and friends that I bring to remind myself that I am loved and that I don’t need to believe the negative thoughts. If you need a letter like this please message me. I would love to send you a letter to help strength you.

The trip was wonderful. The wedding was beautiful. I was able to enjoy myself and I made every flight I needed to. Although it is scary to do something out of my normal routine it is good for me too. It reminds me that anxiety doesn’t control me.

Change is constant…

Change is constant growth is optional.

Today as I was driving to work with my son I was thinking about changes. It seems like this Spring is bringing change to many people. Personally, I have a really hard time with change. I like things to be the same and to always know what is happening.

I avoided change for a long time. To keep my brain straight and life half way manageable I kept everything the same. I have been mostly under control for a while now. I have slowly been venturing out in to things that are a little scarier. I took a class to become a life coach, I have been working to get my national certification and I started a business. (I even have business cards!)

And the biggest scary thing I have done in about 20 years is I gave my notice at work. I have been lucky enough to run a small library. Honestly, it has been my dream job. It it part-time, mostly during the time the boys have been in school. Plus I get to be surrounded by books. But it is time to make a change for myself and my family.

When we choose to make changes it does help to make the changes easier to handle. However, there can still be difficulties in doing life differently. There are a few ways that you can help yourself make the transition easier.

First, remind yourself why you are making the change. When the hard part of the change comes, and it always does, reflect back on why you wanted to make this change. It can be helpful to even write down all of the reasons you choose this path in the first place. Then when it gets difficult you can read over them to remind yourself of the good things that will be coming to you.

Second, keep the rest of your routine as close to normal as possible. The more you can keep on an even keel the easier it is to accept the change in your life. If you decide to live a healthier lifestyle don’t change everything at once. Start exercising and as that becomes a habit begin to work on your food choices. Small changes you can stick to make more of a difference than large changes that don’t last.

Finally, treat yourself with kindness. The change will be difficult and at times it could be upsetting. The more you can be gentle with yourself the easier it will be to accept the difficult times. Remember that no one is perfect and that you are loved no matter what.

If you are facing change in your own life I hope these steps will help. If you are needing more help to face the changes in your life I would love to support you. Please comment below or message me and happy changing!

 

Word of the year

Do you make a word or intention for the year? I have seen this idea grow more popular over the last few years. This year is the first time that I have decided to choose just one word to focus on for the year. Before this year it kind of seemed silly. Why choose one word to focus on?

I know that just 3 weeks into the new year my year has helped to focus my mind, not get overwhelmed and gotten me excited about prospects over the year. My word for the year is create. Have the word create as my focus this year has helped me to realize that I don’t have control of the outcome but I can create a space for good things to happen.

Starting a business, raising a family and serving in my church I can often get overwhelmed with making things happen. But I can’t control other people. I can’t make my kids do what I want them to do. I can’t make people grow their belief in God. But I can create a home where it is easier for my kids to accomplish their goals. In church I can create a safe place for teenagers to explore their faith without judgement or worry. Focusing on creating space that people can explore what is important to them takes the pressure off me to make things perfect for them.

Having a word has helped me to focus my mind. I never ever wanted to start a business. It was too scary to think about, there are too many things I don’t know. But I do know that I can help people, I know that the things I have gone through will help others. Building a business takes time, having a word to remind me that I am creating a place for people to grow and change reminds me of why I started this business.

Finally, focusing on creation gets me excited for all that is possible. There are so many things I want to make, do and share. I love to remind myself that creation is a process and I don’t have to have it all figured out right now. Focusing on building instead of having it all figured out makes the process much more fun.

Is there an idea or feeling that has been calling to you? Is there something that has been on your mind to do or finish? I would love to help you create a way to accomplish your idea. Comment or message me I would love to work with you.

Support during Grief

Grief has been on my mind lately. I have been watching friends and family deal with loss. Grief is hard and can be lonely. Even if someone has had a similar loss, it is never the same. I think that is why it is hard for us to reach out when we see someone hurting. We know we don’t really understand how the other person is feeling.

But reaching out is important because it helps the person suffering. Because this has been on my mind I have come up with a few ideas for reaching out to someone suffering from a loss.

One of the most helpful things I have been told is to talk about the person that was lost. So often we are afraid of hurting the grieving person more that we don’t mention the person they lost. But they are going to hurt anyway, being able to hear other’s memories and experiences with their loved one helps them to keep their memory alive. It helps them know that other people still remember their loved one. It helps them feel less alone or like they need to hide part of themselves.

One of the stages of grief is anger. But it is hard to be angry at someone who is gone, we often feel guilty for being angry. Being a safe place that someone can express all they are feeling will make the grief easier to bear. That means that we are willing to listen as the grieving person talks. Don’t be afraid to just sit and listen. Or just sit and be with the grieving person.

Also, there will be many people that come to offer support shortly after a loss. But don’t forget about the grieving person, remember to check in on them weeks and months after a loss. They often feel forgotten or left behind when the world moves on and they are still grieving.

Finally, don’t set a time limit for when you think they should be done grieving. Grief changes and it isn’t always so intense but it can return as you go through different stages in your life. Let the grieving person express how they feel no matter how long it has been since a loss.

If you or someone you know needs support there are helplines you can reach out to: the Crisis Textline text ‘help’ to 741741 and the grief hotline (800) 448-3000. It is important to reach out to help when you need it. Life is precious love the people around you today.

Look How Far You’ve Come

This time of year it is common to look forward and plan goals for the new year. I always feel this time of year is kind of negative because we are looking at all of the things we haven’t done and put ourselves down because of it. But this year I would encourage you to look back and see how far you have come.

I was practicing piano the other day (I know another piano metaphor – but playing an instrument teaches you so much about life. If I had know this earlier my kids would have been in lessons at a much younger age.) and I realized how far I have come in being able to play. Usually when I sit down to practice I think about how much more I want to learn and all of the things I am doing wrong.

This time though as I was practicing some church hymns I realized how far I have come. I am able to play a hymn without thinking about it too much. Both hands are moving and I am using the pedal. I am able to work the pedal without having to remember to move my foot. These songs that I didn’t think I would be able to play I am playing. I can’t always play when other people are singing but I am getting better.

How often do we do this? We only look at where we want to go not at what we have accomplished so far. I know people say that what we did yesterday doesn’t matter. But it does matter because it shows us what we can do. It shows that we can learn and grow. It shows us how hard we work. It shows us what we are capable of, so we can continue to progress.

As you begin this new year please take a few moments to look back and see how far you have come. Look at all of the thing you have accomplished. I never thought I would be able to overcome anxiety to live the life I have now. As I look back it amazes me to see how far I have come.

What have you accomplished that amazes you? I would love to hear.

How do you want to boss yourself?

I was listening to a podcast about building a business, unfortunately I don’t remember which podcast it was, but the guest was talking about being the boss. She was referencing how we often treat other people differently than we treat ourselves. She asked, “How do you want to boss yourself?”

I have been thinking about this question for weeks. I think this has applications to so much more than just business. How do you want to boss yourself when it comes to your goals? How do you want to boss yourself when it comes to family traditions? How do you want to boss yourself when it comes to your mental health?

I know that I give other people so much more grace than I give myself. If I am struggling with something I am hard on myself. I feel that I must figure things out right away and then do that thing perfectly. As Jeffery Holland has said, “Except for Jesus, there have been no flawless performances on this earthly journey we are pursuing, so while in morality let’s strive for steady improvement without obsessing over what behavioral scientists call ‘toxic perfectionism.'”

Toxic perfectionism is when we get so wound up in being perfect we forget why we are trying to make the change in the first place. It is easy to think that we want perfection or nothing. However, when we have this mindset any roadblock becomes more than we can handle. Instead of an experience to learn from it becomes a failure that we are stuck to.

As we come to the beginning of a new year it is a common time to set goals. Then if we start to falter from those goals we beat ourselves up for not doing better. When this negative self talk begins ask yourself, “Would I talk like this to my best friend?” If not it is time to stop talking like that to yourself. You can be honest without tearing yourself apart. You can evaluate your performance honestly while giving yourself grace. I encourage you to ask yourself, “How do I want to boss myself.” Then make needed changes if you aren’t bossing yourself like you would someone else.

I hope that as you go into this new year you will give yourself grace. I hope that you will let yourself fail and learn from it. I hope that you will love yourself enough to not need to be perfect.

Happy New Year! Here is to 2020!

Practice with a Purpose

Last week at my piano lesson my teacher was explaining how I should practice. She said that I should not just play through a song hoping I would figure out the parts I was struggling with. Instead, I should practice with a purpose. Meaning that I should find the parts I’m struggling with and work on those either until I get them or I get too frustrated. Then move on to the next part I need to work on.

She said that when you practice with a purpose you progress faster and you more easily learn to play a song. I have been thinking about this advice for the last few days. I know that there are times in life where I just coast through life hoping that I figure it all out. I keep thinking I will work on that tomorrow. I will understand this better latter. The problem is I never really work on that thing I want to figure out.

When I take the time to “practice with a purpose” I more quickly figure out what I have been struggling with. As I have explained before I have struggled with anxiety throughout my life. The last few years I have learned tricks and solutions that have helped my overcome most of the anxiety. However, the last few weeks the anxiety has been flaring up again. The tricks and tips I have been using in the past weren’t working.

Today as I was working to calm myself down I realized I needed to think about the anxiety in a different way. I have always thought of the anxiety as something to control or get over. Instead, I decided that it was something I would need to get comfortable with for the next few months. I am choosing to make changes and try new things in my life and this will trigger the anxiety. Instead of stepping back from my goals I am going to live with the anxiety and use it as a sign that I am moving in the direction I choose.

I stopped just moving through my day and decided to “practice with a purpose” by understanding what was causing the anxiety to flare. Then choosing to live with the anxiety and not to let it control me. How can you use the “practice with a purpose” idea in your own life? I would love to hear your ideas. Please share them with me here.

Mindset – Scarcity or Abundance?

When my husband and I were first married we lived 9 miles away from the closest grocery store. And it was a small grocery store. We were 26 miles away from the closest Walmart. It took at least 20 minutes to drive round trip, to the little grocery store, if I forgot anything. To make sure I always had all of the groceries I might need I made a weekly list, I checked the staples to see if we were running low. I checked and rechecked to make sure that we had everything we may need for the week. My sister laughed at me whenever she came to visit because our fridge was always packed.

Fast forward almost 20 years. We now live within 3 miles of 2 different Walmart’s. I still make the weekly grocery list and I still worry trying to decide if we need more milk or if it will run out before the next grocery trip. Will I have enough eggs or should I get more?

What does this have to do with mindset? Just like I get stressed about making sure I have enough groceries I don’t always recognize the talents and abilities I have. Instead of focusing on all of the great things I can do I hyper focus on the things I don’t know how to do. I worry that there isn’t enough for me.

I having been learning about the abundance mindset. This is where you believe that there is enough for everyone. There is enough wealth, happiness and respect for everyone. Just like I don’t have to worry and stress about having enough groceries, believing that there is enough for everyone makes a huge difference.

So how do you change your mindset to focus on what is available instead of what you are lacking? One thing is to practice gratitude. Having just come through the Thanksgiving season I have tried to remain focused on all of the wonderful blessings I have been given. Focusing on the things, people and places we are grateful for helps shift our mindset to abundance and opportunity instead of focusing on all the things we lack.

Another way to change your mindset is to focus on growth. Instead of staying where you are find ways to grow your mind, talents or experiences. You can start a hobby just to learn something new. Listen to a podcast or read a book that stretches your mind to the possibilities of life. I personally love David Goggins and the things he teaches. He challenges me mind and my way of thinking.

Being open to trying new things is another way to help yourself grow. This one is probably the hardest for me. I love my world and I love things to be predictable. But there isn’t growth in staying the same. There isn’t a chance to learn if I never try something new. The stimulation that you get from the fear of trying something new helps to propel you forward.

Always being focused on what you are missing only amplifies all of the things you don’t have. To truly grow and change focus on all the possibilities and opportunities you have in your life. And try something scary.

Mind Reading Part 2

Last week I started a new series about thinking errors with mind reading. If you didn’t see that post you can read it here. We can cause ourselves no end of anxiety when we think we know what other people are thinking. Well mind reading can also cause problems when we think other people should know what we are thinking. (lots of thinking in that paragraph!)

I have had times where I am in the middle of a panic attack and I think it is written all over my face. My head feels like it is about to explode so of course everyone can tell. Surely they can see that I am just about to lose my mind. But guess what they can’t!

Just like I can’t tell what other people are thinking they can’t tell what is going on inside of me just by looking. They can’t tell that I am just about to explode so don’t give me one more thing. Do you know what that means?

That means we have to tell people when we are having a hard time. That means that we have to ask for help. That means that when we are just about to lose our minds we need to talk. I know that reaching out can be the scariest part when you are struggling. But there are people that will listen with love.

We can reach out to our friends and family. People that we know will listen and respond in a kind way. The loved ones that will support us and help as we figure out the next step. You can even reach out to strangers on the internet. I am here whenever you may need help.

But just like everyone else I can’t read minds. So please be brave and say you need help!

 

Falling Down the Stairs

This morning I got up early to go for a run. It was still dark outside but windows were open because it was actually cool outside! So there was some light from the streetlight coming in the window. As I turned to go down the stairs it was hard to see where the first step was.

The way the light was shining I couldn’t really tell where the first step was. For just a fraction of a second I froze because I was afraid. I was scared to take that first step because I wasn’t sure where the step was. I quickly caught myself and remembered I had my phone in my hand. I turned the lock screen on to light my way.

As I was running I was thinking about this experience. I was thought how often we can get scared because we don’t know the first step to take. It might be unclear or scary because we have never been this way. I know that I have done this before. I have chosen to hold back rather than get hurt – physically or emotionally.

But after that first step it isn’t so scary. It might still be hard or dark or uncertain but the momentum is going and the fear is not so overwhelming. I asked myself if I wanted to spend my life at the top of the staircase being frozen by fear. No my answer is no I don’t want to stand there wondering what might have been.

I know I have spent more time than I want to admit at the top of those stairs. But not anymore. From now I on I am going to push forward. I am going to take that first step even when it feels scary. Especially when it feels scary because those are usually the best steps to take.

What is one first step you have been putting off that you are ready to take? I would love to cheer you are in your first steps!