Category: Love Yourself

New Year, New You!

As we start this new year there are advertisements everywhere for ways to make a new you. You can join the gym or weight watchers. You can finally get yourself and your house organized. You can learn a new hobby or quit a bad habit. Although all of these can be good and helpful, all too often all I see is that I am not good enough. (I know that most people running these programs want to help people and improve their lives. It is just the way I look at it that is a problem.) To be good enough I must join or buy their program.

What if instead of falling into the trap of not being good enough this year we start the year knowing we are enough. Nothing we can do no amount of weight we lose will make us feel worthy. (Although I am a big proponent for a healthy lifestyle and do workout with a trainer.)  There isn’t a program we can buy that will fill up what we are missing.

So what is the answer? For me the answer comes in having a firm belief in who I really am. Knowing that I am a child of God. That He created us and he sent His Son to die for us.  Having that knowledge has made all the difference for me. It makes being able to see these advertisements for what they are; helps to build my life but not the foundation to build my life on.

As we begin this year I encourage you to find the basis for what you can build your life on. Take the time to build a firm foundation so that other people’s ideas don’t influence the way that you feel about yourself. Know that you are loved and that you have something unique to offer the world!

The world doesn’t need a new you and neither do you. What is needed is for each of us to just be the real us.  It is my goal this year to be the real me. To share the things I have learned. To help those around. One way I am going to do that is through this blog. I am going to share more of my story and things that have helped me. New posts will be here every Tuesday and Friday. Please come visit often. And remember you are perfect just the way you are.

What piano has taught me about anxiety

I started taking piano lessons a few months ago. I know a little bit about the piano but I am definitely a beginner. I still have to pay close attention to what I am playing. I have learned that the way I play best is by not thinking about anything else. Most of the time I can’t even think about what is coming next, I just have to play what is in front of me.

When I try to think about what is coming I mess up what I am playing at the moment. If I start to think about how many mistakes I have made on the piece I just keep getting worse and worse; especially if I am playing in front of my teacher. If I start thinking about something else I am bound to make mistakes.

We live in a world that encourages even idealizes multitasking. Even as I write this I am eating breakfast, thinking about what we will have for dinner and making sure that the kids get out the door for school. But when I play the piano I can’t do or think about anything else.

Playing the piano gave me an idea for dealing with anxiety. My brain cannot be left alone because it usually wanders into the anxiety playground. I don’t even realize what is going on until I can’t catch my breathe or I start feeling horrible about life.

So the tip that I have learned from piano is this: pay attention to what I am thinking about or to what I am doing right now. I have to keep my brain focused. Not worrying about what other people think of what I am doing. Not worrying about what I will be doing next. Just focus on what I am doing right now.

Multitasking might be the way to do things these days but it just doesn’t work for me or for my mental health. I am learning to slow down. Pay attention to what I am doing and what I am thinking about. (Obviously I am not perfect at this as shown above but I am working on it!) Not only does this help me stop anxiety attacks before they start but I also do better at the task I am working on.

I know single tasking is not what the cool kids are doing these days but I encourage you to try it. Slow down, pay attention to the task or person in front of you. Make them the most important part of this moment and you will be surprised at how your life changes.

Hope Peace and Rest

Last week I was driving along the interstate and saw a billboard that said Jesus offers hope peace and rest.

I have been taught about the rest that Jesus offers for all of my life. For many years, however, I didn’t let myself feel that rest. My worries overtook any feeling of peace or rest that I may have received. I remember multiple times in my closet or next to my bed sobbing and begging for help. I just wanted to feel that peace that had been promised me. I had gotten to the point that I had decided that I would not be able to experience that rest until after this life. Deep down I knew that wasn’t what God had in mind for my life. He didn’t want me to experience that pain for the rest of my mortal life.

Only in the last few years have I realized that I had to give that fear, that burden to the Lord. He wanted to lift it and carry it for me. But he couldn’t just take it away I had to give it away. In the Psalm we are told to “Cast thy burden upon the Lord”. We can get rid of the burden but we have to be the ones to throw it to Him.

How do you do that? How was I finally able to let go of the fear to let the peace and rest of Christ into my life? Practice and faith

The practice in feeling that rest came during my prayers. During my personal prayers I focus as hard as I can on what I imagine God to look like. I slow down my breathing and take the time to clear my thoughts. Sometimes I imagine myself sweeping away everything that may stand between myself and the Lord. Then I start slowly with my prayer. I pay attention to what I am telling God. I make sure that I am being present with my thoughts. I try to act as if we are sitting in my room having a conversation. I focus on that sense of peace and rest that comes during prayer. I imagine Christ standing beside me lifting the burden from my back.

I had to get to the point in my faith that I could trust Christ with my burden. The anxiety made me believe that I had to do everything right and then I could approach Christ for help. As I started to come out of the anxiety through therapy and medication, I was able to start feeling the Holy Ghost guiding me. I could feel the love of Christ. I wish I could have felt this peace more during the anxiety but I am grateful it has come now.

I am not perfect. I don’t always feel that peace. But I know now that it is there for me. I know how to access it. I know that when I give away that burden even for a few minutes I can feel that peace. And that is enough to continue to believe in Christ and to continue to believe in myself.

What am I willing to sacrifice?

Sometimes in life we need to give up something we want right now for something we want even more. Sacrificing is hard and most of the time I really hate it when I am doing it. I have been thinking about sacrifice this week because of my husband. He recently asked one of our boys what they were willing to give up to achieve their goals. This got me to thinking about my goals. Am I willing to move out of my comfort zone to achieve what I want?

Anxiety affected my ability to reach out and connect with other people.  I was so worried about what other people thought of me I couldn’t get past my own thoughts to reach other people. I had so much going on in my brain I had a difficult time slowing down my thoughts enough to be able to hear another person.

Now I am mostly on the other side of those feelings. I can shut down an anxiety attack much quicker. I can slow down my brain enough to listen to what another person is saying. (Sometimes I have to work to do that but I can do it!) But I am still struggling to connect with other people. I recently went to a women’s group and after it was over I stood in the corner like an awkward teenager. I was too scared to reach out to any of the women.

I was too scared to reach out because I still have a portion of the anxiety in my head telling me that I am not good enough.  This lie holds me back from connecting with people because it tells me that the other person wouldn’t want to be my friend. It tells me that I don’t have anything to offer and that I am not good enough to help them even if I did offer. I know these are lies but at times they still control me.

This brings me to my sacrifice. I want to give up my comfort zone to connect with other people. It means I’m going to have to be vulnerable. It means I will have to be uncomfortable. It means I’m going to have to work. it scares me because of the lie. But I am tired of believing the lie and living in it’s shadow.

I am going to start fighting this lie of anxiety by reaching out to others. But I would love your ideas and support. How do you push through when you know you want something but you are sacred? How do you fight the lie of not being good enough?

Photo by Matt Kochar on Unsplash

The Days are Long, but the Years are Short

When the boys were little people would tell me all the time to enjoy this time because they would grow up fast.  They would tell me that they days were long but the years were short. I hated when people would tell me that. Each day seemed like it would never end and it was almost more than I could handle. I didn’t feel like we would ever get past the baby/toddler stage.

Next school year I will have two boys in high school and one in middle school and all I can think is where did the time go? Where are my little boys that loved to play with me? Now I want to tell people with little children the same thing, the years really do go by terribly fast. (I don’t, though, because sometimes I do know how to keep my mouth shut!)

So why am I telling you about my boys growing up? I have come to realize that life moves incredibly fast and because of that we have two choices. We can sit back and think things will never change, until they do. Or we can realize that time does go by quickly so we must use the time we have now.

This life we have is to help us learn and grow. I realize now that if I had the chance to do things over again with my boys I would. I don’t want to have those kind of regrets as they get older. I also don’t want to have those kinds of regrets about my own life.

To combat regrets I am doing scary things. I am setting hard goals that I have no IDEA how I will reach. I want to do things differently with my boys. I want to help you live your best life too. Instead of sitting back and saying “Oh there is time I will do it tomorrow.” I am doing what I can today to make a change. And boy is it fun!

Can you back a car?

I really hate backing into parking spaces. I know that is weird because if I go forward into the spot then I am going to have to back out of the when I leave. But I if I back INto the spot I can’t do it in one try. I am going to have to go forward and back a couple of times to get the car in straight. Why does this matter? Because I hate making mistakes. If I am going to do something I am going to do it right the first time or not at all.  That means I don’t back into parking spaces. It also means that I don’t do a lot of other things.

I started to think about this Sunday when we were parking for church. Aron always backs in because it is easier to get out when church is over. Aron is a really good driver and even he couldn’t just back in and be done.  He did at least one forward after he started backing to get into the spot like he wanted.

This started me thinking about life.  So often I want to know how to do something perfectly before I start. Or I want to know that everything will work out perfectly before I start something new. That just isn’t how life works. I have been kept from trying and working on things because I think I have to be perfect.

So instead of adjusting my journey just a little bit when something goes wrong I completely give up. I tell myself that this path must not be the correct one for me and I quit. That isn’t the purpose of life though. We are here to learn and grow.  I can do that by making some mistakes. I can try new things and then work it out when it may not go the way I want it to the first time. I can spend the time to learn, grow and have experiences good and bad.

Or I can say that I am just a bad backer so I am not going to try. Not anymore, Excuse me while I go practice my backing.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Circles in my mind.

My brain does circles sometimes.  It is not necessarily anxiety but it can turn into that if I let the circles continue.

I get fixated on one thought and I spend every minute trying to figure out how to make that thing work or make that thing make sense.  Today it has been the personality test Strengths Finder.  I was looking at the results today and one of my strengths in a connector.

I have been trying to figure it out because I don’t feel like I am a very good connector.  I like people and I like people to be happy and if someone is having a relationship problem I want to fix it.  But I don’t feel like I connect.

Then I start to wonder if the other strengths are really my strengths.  If this one is off then the other ones could be too.  I have a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology so I feel like I can figure out how to answer these tests so that I get the results I want.  If I do that then how can I trust any of these tests?

Yes I make myself dizzy with all of these questions.  Does anyone else have circles in the brain?

The point?  I have to stop the circles.  I distract myself with work or thinking about the Primary class I am teaching on Sunday.  I write, I play games with the boys.

The truth is the circles are there but I have the choice of stepping out of the circle.  Excuse me while I go get out of this circle.

Blow Past Those Limits

Yesterday I wrote about knowing your limits so that you can take care or yourself.  I know this is so important; you must take care of yourself.

You need to know your limits for another reason.  You need to know your limits so that you can blow past them!  When I was going through the worst of the anxiety there was only so much I could do in a day.  I knew it and I planned accordingly. (Most of the time!)

Those limits stuck in my head for a really long time.  Just a few weeks ago I found myself thinking about the upcoming week and all that I had to do.  I thought can I really accomplish everything?  Am I going overdo it?  Can I really handle all of this?

When I realized what I was thinking.  I had to stop and remind myself that I am not the same person I was a few years ago.  I don’t get so overwhelmed anymore.  I don’t stress so much about what others think. (I still do but I am working on it!) I don’t get tired out so easily.

I decided then that I didn’t want to be held back by those limits anymore.  I didn’t want to be the person that couldn’t do it or would be too overwhelmed.  So I am quitting those thoughts.  I am choosing to push myself a little bit more.  To try a little bit harder.

Guess what?  I can do it!  I am moving forward little by little but I am moving forward.

Day 13 – know your limits so you can blow past them.  Take care of yourself but don’t put yourself so much in a box that you don’t try new things!

Service breeds Confidence

“When we build, when we lift the burden of others, it blesses our lives in ways our trials cannot take away.”  Sharon Eubank

“And as long as I am busy worrying abut their needs, I completely forget to worry abut how they might be perceiving me.” Ruth Soukup

Service, reaching out to others, helping, lifting, giving these are all ways to build confidence.  We have so many ways to connect virtually sometimes I forget that I need to connect in real life also.

When I give of myself, when I let down the barriers I have erected, I feel more confident.  I am happier because I am helping to lift someone else that is struggling.

What are your favorite things to do to serve others?  What are the best ways you have found to connect with family and friends?  What needs do you know of that I could serve right now?

Day 10 – Help me find ways to give service. (Yep today is all about me!)

All You Can Do

I have always been told that God will help you after all you can do.  He then steps in and makes up the rest.

I have taken this to mean that I have to fight and scramble and figure out twenty different ways to fix something in my life.  Because there is always MORE I could do.  So what does that mean for me asking God for help?  It didn’t happen; I always felt there was more I could do.

Today as I was thinking about life and this challenge the thought came to me rely on God.  As I thought about what that would mean I remembered an incident from yesterday.  My monkey likes to get snacks before or after gymnastics.  Yesterday we decided to stop at the Maverick after gymnastics and get a snack.  As he was walking around trying to decide what he wanted I also wandered the store.  I was trying to convince myself that I really didn’t NEED a snack.

Then I saw their yummy sugar cookies sitting in the cooler.  So I asked for help.  Heavenly Father I really want that cookie but I know I should be eating better.  Oh never mind, I really want it so I am just going to get it.  So I did and I ate the entire thing and it was delicious.  However,  I wasn’t really asking for help in resisting the treat.

Today as I thought about relying on God for help my prayers changed.  (Now let me just say that eating yummy things is not bad.  My problem is I overdo it.  If one is good 10 is so much better!)  Instead of a passing pretend prayer I have tried to rely more on God.  My request has been different. Heavenly Father, I really want that candy bar but I know it isn’t good for me.  Please fill me up with your love and turn my heart to thee.

I guess the difference really is in the humility of my requests.  I can only rely on Heavenly Father when I am truly humble enough to ask with a sincere heart and then listen to what He is telling me.

Now I understand better what I have been told for so many years.  God will help you after all you can do.  Right now when it comes to candy all I can do is about 2 minutes.  Then I have to call in the big guns.  He fills in the rest – which to me means that He pours love and acceptance into my heart.  He lets me feel the love He has for me.

Day 9 – Believe in God (or a higher power) that He is listening; that he loves you.  Believe that your struggles are not your own to carry.  He will lift and help and carry you.