Category: Love Yourself

He loves me

Dying by suicide is one of the most painful ways to lose someone. I have written before about how a person gets to the point that they believe suicide is the best way they can help their loved ones. As hard as it is to believe the person thinking of dying by suicide truly believes they are helping their loved ones by leaving.

I have been thinking about things that have helped me to fight back against the monster of suicide. Today I am sharing two things that have made a difference for me. There are many other ways to help and take care of yourself. If these ideas don’t work for you keep looking for the ideas or support that will make a difference for you. It may take time but you are worth the time and effort to love yourself and take care of yourself.

There is the Crisis Text Line. This is a confidential text service that you can use no matter your crisis. The crisis counselors are trained to support the texters in whatever situation they may be in. This is a service you can use if you are in crisis or if you are a friend of someone in crisis. Text ‘help’ to 741741. If you are thinking of suicide text ‘suicide’ and you will be put at the front of the line to talk to a crisis counselor.

Another way I believe can help all people thinking of dying by suicide is to know who they are. Saturday on Instagram I say a post from one of the leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Gary E. Stevens. He was speaking of visiting Brazil and meeting youth of the Church he wrote:

A very important message for youth everywhere is to know your eternal identity as a child of God. Be aware that Satan will try to deceive you about who you are. He is quite fixed on confusing us about that truth. The Lord is saddened when you compare yourself to your peers. The adversary would have you think that you don’t have enough friends or enough “likes” on Instagram. Always remember that the most important “like” is that the Lord loves you.

In fact, He loves you deeply. I invite you to stand in front of the mirror every morning and say to yourself, “I am amazing and awesome. I am a son/daughter of God. He loves me.”

How powerful and how quickly would saying those words to our reflection change the way we feel. I wrote these words on my mirror so that I can remind myself daily whose I really am.

The knowledge that we are children of God, who loves us can help to change the negative and scary thoughts about ourselves. It can change the belief that we aren’t good enough and that we need to die. There have been many times that I have pored out my heart to the Lord weeping and screaming that I just wanted the to pain to end. The answers and the peace didn’t come as quickly as I wanted but they came each day as I choose to stay and fight the pain.

If you are considering dying by suicide please talk to someone. Find a friend, parent, teacher, doctor, or counselor that can help and support you. This world needs you, there is a purpose to your life and you make a difference just by being here. Remember you are a child of God and He loves you.

Quails are stupid!

My in-laws live down a dirt road. Their house and road are surrounded by farm land so there are lots of animals and birds around. This last Sunday as we were leaving there was a quail running in front of us as we drove down the road. This happens all the time during the spring and summer. I have watched these birds for years run as fast as they can down the road in front of the car. As they are running all I can think is, “You can fly you know. You will be out of harms way quickly if you just take off.” Finally as a last resort as the car is coming on their tail feathers they fly off.

On Sunday as we were driving I mentioned again, (because I say it all the time) “Quails are stupid! Why don’t they just fly away? Don’t they know they could be free and safe so quickly?” My husband then said, “You know they are a lot like people. How often do we just run in front of problems or stress when we could fly away?”

I sat there for a minute then said, “Thanks honey, you just wrote another blog post for me.” It is true. We can fly! Each one of us has so much going for us. We have talents and experiences that have prepared us for where we are today. We have the help of a Heavenly Father that loves us and wants us to succeed.

So why do we spend so much of our time running in front of stress and problems instead of flying away? Because of fear. We know what life is like in the middle of the problem but change is scary. We could fly away from the problem by making a different choice but it is scary to think about where that may lead us. Are we ready to make that change? What will other people think of us if we start that business? What will happen if we stop doing all of the favors for everyone?

I understand the fear. I have lived with the fear of change most of my life. But the fear of not changing is now becoming stronger. The fear of never working for my goals is becoming stronger. I am getting close to mid-life now. I have lived long enough to start looking back on my life while I still have time to change. The thought of not going after my goals because of fear is sad. I don’t want fear to be the story of my life.

So I am choosing to change. I am choosing to work on myself to overcome the fear that has kept me captive. I am trying new things. I am taking steps to achieve goals that I have always put off to someday. I have decided that I can fly to my goals and the kind of life I imagine.

I know that I can fly. I am stretching out my wings and it feels good!

Depression is not Laziness!

Sometimes it is difficult to not call yourself names when you are going through a depressive episode. You feel as if you are the laziest person on the planet because all you do is sit. It doesn’t help that people that don’t understand depression may believe you are lazy. They want to know why you can’t just DO something.

The reason is because you are experiencing depression. Depression changes the way you think, feel, and interact with the world. Depression makes you feel like you are continually moving through thick maple syrup. Everything you do takes twice as much effort. Just to think of a plan for the day can take all of your mental effort. And if you are anything like me your brain is still running wild which makes you even more exhausted.

So how do you keep the negative thoughts of depression from taking over?

First, by understanding the truth of depression. It is a sickness in your brain. It is just the same as heart disease or diabetes, it is a sickness. It is not anything that you choose or that you caused. Depression is a consequence of being mortal. It sucks and it is horrible but it is not your fault. You are not broken, you are not lazy, you are nothing but human.

Second, knowing that depression is mean. It will call you names and tell you horrible things about yourself. But don’t listen to it. Depression lies. The horrible things it tells you are lies.  When they come to attack you fight them with all the good things people have told you. Start a box or journal with kind notes that have been sent to you. Write down the kind things that people tell you. Print off or screenshot positive things people have posted to your social media accounts. Then when depression tells you the mean, awful things you can fight them with the truth.

Finally, learn all you can about depression and how it manifests in your life. Encourage the people around you to learn all they can about depression and how to take care of themselves. I am sure that you have heard that knowledge is power. The more you know and the more tools you have the better equipped you will be to fight depression when it comes. Having more tools makes it easier to fight against depression.

I hate depression and I hate the consequences that come from dealing with depression. But I know the harder you fight against it the stronger you will become. The stronger you become the less power depression has over you. Take some time this week to research a new way to fight depression. Give yourself one more way to overcome this monster.

I Am…

Have you ever noticed how often you say I am during the day? I am tired, I am lazy, I am lost. I never really noticed it until I saw a Facebook post last week by a friend highlighting this phrase. She mentioned that when we say I am we are claiming something for ourselves. We are telling our own minds what to think of us.

Are the I am statements you say something you want in your brain? Are your I am statements as negative as mine? I talk a lot about the way we think because the way we thing makes all the difference. The way we talk to and about ourselves determines so much about what we think we are capable of doing.

Pay attention to how these different statements make you feel.

I am exhausted.

I am always making mistakes.

I am a fighter.

I am a winner.

The first two statements make me feel worn down and defeated. The last two statements make me hold my head up and get ready to fight. So what if you are exhausted? Instead of saying I am use I feel instead; exhausted is a feeling, not who you are at your core. Don’t claim things that aren’t who you really are.

I challenge you to pay attention to what you say when using I am. Only use positive thoughts and attributes after I am. Because at your core you are a child of God and that is the best I am.

Sneak Attack

The majority of the time I handle depression well. I take medication that helps control both the depression and anxiety. I have learned to raise my thoughts about depression’s black hole. I have learned that gratitude for my life helps to counter any sadness I may feel.

The bad thing about depression though is that it does sneak attacks. There are times when I am going along just fine and then I get clothes-lined with sadness. I feel like my life is horrible and that it will never get better. I feel like my family would be much better off without me. And I can’t find one small thing to be grateful for.

I have learned that there are going to be days like this. Even though the depression is mostly under control there are days the blackness breaks through. I have learned a few things from these days.

First off, it is ok that I still have these days. I will probably always have bad days. I don’t know that I will ever be able to say that I am cured from depression. But I don’t let it have so much control on those days. I celebrate that I am not on the floor crying even though I feel horrible. That is a win when it comes to depression.

Second, I have learned that I haven’t done anything wrong to make depression come back. The depression can lie and tell you that this all your fault. That you are a horrible person and that is why you feel this way. I have learned that those are lies. Sure my brain chemistry is different but I didn’t DO anything to bring the depression on.

Lastly, I have learned that the bad days don’t last forever. I have learned that on those bad days I don’t push as hard. I rest and I let myself feel whatever it is I am feeling. Because trying to force myself to feel better is too much work. I know that the depression is not going to last forever and I keep moving to make it through this bad time.

If I could change things, if I could wave a magic wand and take away the depression forever I probably would. But that is not going to happen any time soon. I have learned to live with that and to know that I can be happy any way. I hope that you learn that too. That you know your life matters and that it does get better!

When life is HARD.

The other day my youngest son had made some plans that he was fired up about but then they fell through at the last minute. I knew that he was sad about what happened but he was trying not to show it.

As we were driving home I asked him a few different questions to try and get him to tell me how he was feeling. (Sometimes getting an eleven year old boy to talk about his feelings is a challenge.) Finally, he said to me, “Mom are there times when you feel bad about something but you feel bad about feeling bad because other people have it so much harder?” Oh yes my son all. the. time.

I knew what he was feeling. He was feeling blessed because of the wonderful life he has but also feeling bad for the plans that had fallen through. I told him, “Other people having a harder time doesn’t make what you are feeling any less hard.” Life hurts no matter how wonderful of a life you have been blessed with.

There were so many times in the middle of the depression that I felt guilty because I had so much and yet felt so terrible. I thought about all of the moms around the world that couldn’t feed their children, I thought about the dads that couldn’t provide a safe home for their families. And you know what happened? I felt worse, the guilt was overwhelming. It took me a long time to learn the lesson that the suffering of others didn’t make my suffering any less. I still hurt and I still struggled no matter what others were experiencing.

We often talk about how we shouldn’t compare what others have to what we have because it takes away the gratitude for what we do have. I also think that we shouldn’t compare the bad things we go through with the bad that others have to go through. When we do this we don’t let ourselves feel the pain of our own struggle. When we don’t completely feel the pain of our own struggles we are less able to feel empathetic to others. When we don’t feel our own pain we can’t heal it. Just as we shouldn’t compare our good we shouldn’t compare our bad either.

Does that mean that we should build a house and live in our pain and disappointment? No, it is something to go through not a place to live. By feeling and going through my pain, I was able to learn and grow. I am now better able to reach out and help others. I am more able to feel others’ pain and help them carry that pain.

Take a minute and breathe. Remind yourself that what you are feeling and experiencing is not going to last forever. Remind yourself that it is OK to feel bad when things don’t work out the way you wanted, hoped, and prayed for. Remind yourself that it is OK to hurt even though other people have it so much worse than you. Remind yourself that you are loved and needed in this world.

When you have these reminders firmly in mind. Open your eyes and spread that peace and joy throughout your day and around your life. Your life, the good and the bad is yours to live, no one else.

Prayer has changed me

One thing that anxiety has brought me that I am most grateful for, is better prayers. I love to listen and feel when people truly pray. I love the spirit and peace that is brought into a room and a heart when a person shares their faith through prayer.

Honestly, I have never been good at prayer. I have had a hard time quieting my mind enough to feel a connection to God when I pray. I often feel that I repeat the same thing all of the time or that I am just repeating a long list of things I want. It feels like I am just writing a letter to Santa.

To combat the anxiety I have learned how to quiet my mind, how to slow down my thoughts, and to really think about what I am doing in the moment. Meditation has helped in doing this. I have also learned to change my prayers.

The other night I found myself praying over and over again: please just fix this, please just fix it, please just take this away. This has been a common prayer in my life. I sob and beg for the Lord to just change me and take all of the anxiety and depression away. When I start to go down into the spiral I just want it gone. As I knelt there my thoughts and prayers changed.

I remembered that I am an adult and I can choose the way I act. I also know that the depression and anxiety will probably never completely go away. So I started to change my prayer. I asked to be made stronger, to be able to handle the down days. I asked to know what else I need to learn from the anxiety and depression. I asked to know what is the next thing I need to do to overcome the anxiety.

Although, I didn’t magically change, answers didn’t start dropping from heaven, my attitude changed. Instead of just praying to be changed in an instant I was reminded that this life is a marathon not a sprint. When I choose to partner with the Lord in changing my life the change I was begging for begins. As I changed my prayer from begging to listening I was able to open my heart to communication from God.

Nothing in my life will change until I make a change. I may still have some of the begging prayers. But instead of feeling forgotten by God I remember that He wants to work with me. Healing will come. As we work together toward that healing I am learning and changing more than if the Lord just took away the anxiety. Although I don’t love having anxiety I am grateful that it has led me to a better relationship with my Father.

Flood of Love

I am still obsessed with The Greatest Showman. I cannot get over the music This is Me is one of my favorite songs from the movie. (Of course I would say that every song is one of my favorites.) I have been thinking so much about the lyrics to This is Me.

The first verse starts out “I am not a stranger to the dark, Hide away they say, Cause we don’t want your broken parts, I’ve learned to be ashamed of all my scars”

Every time I listen to this song this first part hits me in the gut. How many of us have been told to hide, to not show a part of them because it is scarred, we believe that no one wants to know about our broken parts?

The ironic part is that each and everyone of us has broken parts. We aren’t perfect. I saw this quote on Instagram from Hannah Marbach “Literally every person is messed up, so pick your favorite train wreck and roll with it.” I giggle every time I read this, because it is so true. We all have problems. So why do we shame each other for those broken parts? Why can’t we treat ourselves and others with more love?

This morning I was reading in Isaiah during my Bible study. In chapter 61:1-2 Isaiah is speaking of Christ and says “he (God) hath sent me (Christ) to bind up the brokenhearted”.  I don’t know how to stop the shame for our broken parts but I do know where to go to be comforted and loved. I love the picture this part of the verse gives me. The picture of Christ sitting with my broken heart. Binding it up and loving it and fixing it. The feeling and knowledge that Christ has experienced all of the pain I have felt. I know that I can go to Him with that pain and he will heal it.

The chorus of This is Me says, “When the sharpest words wanna cut me down, I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out, I am brave, I am bruised, I am who I’m meant to be, this is me”.

This is Me so I am going to send a flood of love, acceptance and peace into the world. I am going to send a flood of God’s love into the world. Because This is Me.

Do you like me?

adam-jang-260876-unsplashI have a personality trait that is good but taken too far causes problems for myself and sometimes other people. What is that trait you ask? It is wanting everyone to like me. On the positive side this trait can help me to make other people feel comfortable. On the negative side there is a part of me always worrying about what people think of me. I spend waaayyy too much time worrying about other people.

Another way this trait shows up negatively in my life is that after being around a lot of people I am exhausted. Because part of my brain is always on scan checking for what is upsetting people or what I can do to make others like me at the end of the evening I just want to be alone. Just coming out of the holidays and having some events over this last weekend. I decided I had to come up with some ideas to take care of myself. Read on to find out some ideas I came up with to make sure I don’t leave so exhausted.

The first idea I came up with is to accept that I am a people pleaser. Being around a lot of people is exhausting to me. That is just the way I am, being upset with that doesn’t change the way I am and it just makes me feel worse about myself. When I accept myself I can then focus on taking care of myself.  I can catch thoughts before they spin out of control. I can also remind myself that other people’s happiness is not my responsibility.

Another idea I came up with is to take breaks. I can do this by building some down time into a busy schedule or I can excuse myself from an event when I start to feel overwhelmed.  It is ok to leave the room, the restaurant or house for a few minutes to get my equilibrium back.  One of the best places I have found to go to when I am feeling overwhelmed is the bathroom. No one questions me when I say I have to go to the bathroom, then I can take a few minutes to gather myself.  When I go back to the crowd I feel more relaxed and ready to interact again.

When everything is over and you are on your own again a good cry does wonders.  Psychology Today reported that emotional crying release stress hormones and toxins that can help us to feel better.  In that case I am all in for a few tears to help get the stress out of my body faster.

Finally, I know that I need to take care of myself as much as I can. I know that exercise helps me to feel better overall. When I keep my workout program on tract I feel better and have more energy.  When I eat well I feel better. I am not a perfect healthy eater but when my blood sugar is balanced I have less of a chance of becoming hangry. (Which is good for everyone just ask my boys.)

I worry too much about what others think. I am working to embrace and accept that fact. While I do these steps will help me to deal with the effects of my thoughts. I would love to hear your ideas for dealing with negative thoughts! What do you do when worry overtakes you? Please comment below. I can always use more ideas to deal with life.

Creation is a Key

I am always looking for new ways or ideas that may help in dealing with anxiety and life.  I was reading an article with tips for dealing with people that bring drama into your life. One of the tips was to become a creator. So instead of letting them bring the drama create ways to head off that drama. This started me thinking about anxiety and how creativity can help deal curb the anxious feelings.

Personally when I am stuck in the anxiety I have swirling thoughts about what is wrong.  Worried about what may happen and trying to figure out what I could have done differently. As I have thought about becoming a creator it stops the anxiety. Because a creator is a doer it helps to stop the worry of what I should have done.

There are different ways to become a creator. One way I have started to become a creator is to create the life that I want. I have worked hard to deal with the negative thoughts. I have been working to create the world in my head that I want. The thoughts that I let stay in my head create the world that I inhabit.  I know you have probably heard this before but your thoughts make your life.

Another way to become a creator is to find a talent or hobby that helps you to create your life. What is something that you enjoy doing or maybe you want to learn? Having a hobby or craft that you can focus on when the anxiety comes to call helps to focus your thoughts. It helps to remind yourself that you are more than the anxiety.

I don’t even have to be working on something at that moment for it to help me curb the anxiety.  I usually have a few different projects going at the same time. When I start to feel the anxiety come on or even when I am in the middle of an anxiety attack I use one of the projects to help me focus. I am feeling overwhelmed or I am worrying about something I should have done differently I pick one of the projects I am working on and I start to focus on that. I am working on crocheting a blanket for my husband. I use this one to start thinking about what I need. Do I have enough yarn? When is the next time I can work on it? When do I want to be done with this project? How many rows do I need to do to meet this goal? By the time I have answered a few of these questions I am out of the anxiety loop and I can think clearly.

I have tried a few different crafts. I am not always good at finishing them but they help to focus my mind. I love the feeling of making our home a peaceful place for my family. “The bounds of creativity extend far beyond the limits of a canvas or a sheet of paper and do not require a brush, a pen, or the keys of a piano. Creation means bringing into existence something that did not exist before-colorful gardens, harmonious homes, family memories, flowing laughter.” Dieter F. Uchtdorf

What is one hobby that you enjoy? What is something that you have always wanted to learn? Give it a try, learn to play again, get back to something you enjoy. You are a creator, begin making the life you desire. You are worth every effort!