Category: habits

Summer Panic Attacks

Panic attacks in the summer surprise me. The majority of the time I don’t have many panic attacks anymore but having them during the summer throws me for a loop. I think it is because I feel that it is summer time so I should be relaxed and ready for anything.

The truth is though that I really like having a routine. I like to have some time in the mornings after the kids have gone to school to put myself together. I like to know where everyone is and what their plan is for the day. This is much simpler to do when all of the kids are in school.

Then I add in that more people will be in the library – which is good – but not the norm for me. I will be taking more time off because it is summer time and vacations – yay! But that throws off my routine. I know, I sound like I want to have the same day over and over again.

Although that does sound enticing I don’t really want it to be the same all the time. I like that I get to interact with more people at work. I like that my boys are home more and I get to hang out with them. I like that we get to see family more and get to know them better.

I just have to remind myself that change makes me uncomfortable. And when I am uncomfortable my body reacts with a panic attack. The most frustrating thing about these panic attacks is that I can’t trace them to a thought. Being able to find the thought that caused the panic is one of the fastest ways for me to end a panic attack. But when life is changing and I just feel uncomfortable I can’t find the one thought that started the panic.

So what do I do? I ride it out. I remind myself that it is common for me to fill uneasy during change. I know that I will settle into a new routine and everything will be fine. I just have to ride out the uncomfortable parts. I remind myself that the more I fight against the panic the worse it gets.

Give me two weeks and all of this change will be behind me and I will wonder what the big deal was. But for now I am going to fill anxious. Excuse me while I go finish this panic attack.

Panic attack at work?!?

I have had more than my fair share of panic attacks at work in my life (although to be honest, I am not sure how many panic attacks is a fair share). It has been an interesting and frustrating experience. I hate showing weakness at work. I feel like I have to be able to handle everything that may come my way. However, there have been days that is just not possible.

So what do I do when I have a panic attack at work? First, deep breathing. Part of the program I found from the Midwest Center for Depression and Anxiety included a recording on meditation. Each day we were supposed to listen to this recording and practice relaxation. The idea being that when an anxiety attack came we could go back to the teachings and relax in the moment of anxiety.

This took me a long time to be able to do. Because I was so entrenched in the anxiety loop it took time to re-train my brain. It is important to remember that change is not instant. I would get frustrated because I wasn’t making the changes I wanted as quickly as I thought I should. I had to remind myself that it took a long time to get this stuck in the anxiety. I had to let myself have the time to climb back out.

Second, I was lucky enough to have someone to call or text no matter what. My husband always answered his phone when I was in the worst of the anxiety.  I didn’t realize until later that maybe he was a little busy at his work. Now I am not advocating long phone conversations on your employer’s dime. That is not good employee behavior.

However, to ward off an anxiety attack there is nothing wrong with taking a quick break and talking or texting a friend. Oftentimes just by doing something to break the cycle of the anxiety I would calm enough to get back to work.

I was lucky enough to have great bosses during this time. I was able to go to them when I need support about something I felt I had done wrong at work.  I know that not everyone is that lucky. You can look for someone at work that can help  support you. Some that you can just say hey today is a rough day and they know what you are talking about. I know that it is hard to make connections when you are struggling. But having those connections is key to handling the anxiety well.

Finally, I would write myself notes. Writing down what I was worrying about would help me break the anxiety cycle. When I would see what I was so worried about in black and white it would help me see that it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I often carry a notebook with me just so I can write down worries.

Having a career while dealing with anxiety is difficult but it isn’t impossible. Each day all you have to do is put one foot in front of another. I would love to hear what tips and tools you have used to deal with anxiety at work. Please leave your ideas in the comments.

Scary Mommy

When the boys were younger I was not the best mom. Because of the anxiety I was constantly on edge. Ironically, I was trying to be the perfect mom, well the perfect everything, and this made me extremely stressed. Which means I would overreact to small annoyances.

Jamison was a toddler probably about 3 years old and we were having General Conference. This is a conference that happens twice a year in our Church. Because the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is a worldwide church the conference is broadcast on TV.

I was so ready for the conference. I was ready to the feel the Spirit, be encouraged and given direction in my life. At the time my husband was on patrol and was working. I had set the boys up with some snacks and helped them make a fort in the living room so they could watch from a fun tent. I know I had unrealistic expectations there are two sessions of the conference on Saturday and Sunday and each one is 2 hours long but I just wanted them to sit and listen.

Now remember I have 3 boys ages 3, 6, and 8. They didn’t sit still for two hours if they weren’t drugged. I don’t remember what happened or what they were doing but I got upset and grabbed Jamison. I took him into their bedroom and tossed him onto the bed saying through gritted teeth, “I just want to feel the Spirit!” Now this is not the best way to bring the Spirit into your life. I distinctly remember standing over the bed and looking down at his little face. This was not a proud mom moment.

I tell you this story because of an experience that just happened on Sunday. This conference fiasco is something we have talked about and it is something we joke about now. I want to be honest about what life was like then and I don’t want the boys to be worried about talking about that time. It is also a nice way to let me know I am getting to scary mom territory.

Sunday on the way home from church I mentioned how I was able to straighten out a mistake one leader made. She is usually on top of everything so I was feeling a little proud. (Again not the best reaction.) The boys started joking asking if I had tossed her across the room. I laughed it off. Then when my hubby and I were getting changed he jokingly asked if I had told this leader, “Haha I fixed this and you did it wrong, I’m better than you.” I know he was just teasing me, but this time I didn’t let it roll off my back.

I said, “You guys make me sound like a horrible person.” And then I started to feel sorry for myself. I started to let myself go down the rabbit hole of not doing things perfectly and not being perfect. Before I made it very far down this hole I thought wait a minute, do I really want to feel like this?

Do I want to get upset and ruin the rest of our day? Do I want everyone in the house to have to walk on eggshells around me? The answer to all of these questions was no. I wanted to have a relaxing day with my family without my drama of being overly sensitive.

So I stopped, I changed my thought. I told myself that everyone was teasing and that they don’t think I am horrible. I know they all love me and just wanted to have fun with me.

I know it sounds simple; just change your thought. But it really is that simple. If you don’t like the reaction you’re having, change the thoughts you are telling yourself. If you don’t like feeling like a loser because you aren’t perfect. Quit telling yourself you have to be perfect. If you don’t want to feel anxious because you made a mistake. Tell yourself that mistakes are ways to learn.

It may be simple but it isn’t easy. It takes practice. It is a skill that I practice every day. Some days I am more successful than others. But I keep trying. The good thing was I was able to get out of that rabbit hole quickly. I didn’t let myself get comfy down there.

Do you have thoughts you would like to change? Try this skill. What is the thought that you would like to change? How can you rewrite it in your brain to not be negative? How can you change the thought so you get the reaction that you want? I would love to hear your ideas. Please share your thoughts with me in the comments. And if you want help rewriting your thoughts I would love to help out! Leave me a comment or message me on Facebook.

Annoying

I can get super annoying sometimes. (I am sticking with sometimes no matter what my kids may say!)

When I get excited about something I hyper-focus on that thing. So let’s say that I decided to make a mermaid blanket for my sister, you can read more about that here. I spend the week looking for patterns, the best type of yarn and any embellishments needed. It is pretty much the only thing that I think about until I have all of the items I need.

Most of the time this is not annoying to other people. The focus is on what I need to do. However, there are times when other people are involved in what I am hyper-focusing on. This week I started a class to become certified as a life coach. In the introductory email the teacher explained that she had set up a Google Docs file for each of us with items uploaded there. She also stated that more would be added this week.

That meant that I checked my email and Google Docs file whenever I saw my phone. I had to check if there was something new. I wanted to know what to study next, I wanted to know what to expect from the class. When new was posted up to Wednesday I couldn’t handle it anymore. I emailed the teacher to find out if I missed something.

This hyper focus can be good because it helps me to get things done. But it interrupts my day and my thoughts. I get anxious and my thoughts start spiraling in a downward direction.

I am working on learning to control this hyper focus. I put my phone away where I can’t see it. I redirect my thoughts. As soon as I start worrying about what new items may be posted I move my thoughts to the sunny day outside. I make myself wait 5 more minutes before I check my email. I remind myself that people have a life outside of what I want them to do. I give them grace to accomplish what they said they would.

I am just starting this new focus. (Since yes I did just email by teacher Wednesday to know where the class schedule was.) I notice that I am feeling calmer. We had class last night and the teacher said she would upload more material today. So far at 8:30am I have only checked my email once!

Baby steps but I am making change. What is one thing that you would like to do differently or accomplish? What is a baby step you could take today to begin? I would love to help you out! Post your baby step in the comments and I will cheer you on today.

You are an adult

janko-ferlic-174927-unsplashIn my daily life I run a small library. This summer there is a conference lasting a few days held at a college just a few miles from my house. They are asking all participants to stay in the dorms. But it is just a few miles from my bed. I’m not sure I really want to stay in the dorms. My bed is just a few miles down the street.

I was talking with the consultant from the Commission for Libraries (that is a state agency that helps the libraries in Idaho). I told him about having to stay at the dorms and I’m not sure I wanted to go.

That is when he told me “You are an adult. You can leave if you want to.” It felt like a light bulb went on in my head. I am an adult I can choose. There are so many things I can choose instead of just letting it happen.

I can choose the way I act instead of just reacting. Yesterday my youngest was upset because he had a horrible day. No matter what I said he was upset and determined to stay that way. Instead of getting upset myself I backed off and let him have some time to work through his feelings. Once he was ready we talked about his day and his feelings. Because I choose to act I felt better and we were able to connect.

I can choose the way I think. For too long I believed that whatever thought came into my mind was true. I entertained way too many negative thoughts that I should have challenged. Now I know that a thought is just a thought. I choose whether that is something I want to keep in my life or if I want to get rid of it.

I choose the type of life I want to have. I get to choose what I focus on and what I work towards. I get to choose to be grateful for what I have or focus on the lack. I get to choose if I enjoy the time I have with my family or feel sad because it is all changing.

Guess what? You can choose your life also. You don’t have to wait for some magic moment. You don’t even have to wait until tomorrow. Today right now you can choose your life. What will you choose?

Do you like me?

adam-jang-260876-unsplashI have a personality trait that is good but taken too far causes problems for myself and sometimes other people. What is that trait you ask? It is wanting everyone to like me. On the positive side this trait can help me to make other people feel comfortable. On the negative side there is a part of me always worrying about what people think of me. I spend waaayyy too much time worrying about other people.

Another way this trait shows up negatively in my life is that after being around a lot of people I am exhausted. Because part of my brain is always on scan checking for what is upsetting people or what I can do to make others like me at the end of the evening I just want to be alone. Just coming out of the holidays and having some events over this last weekend. I decided I had to come up with some ideas to take care of myself. Read on to find out some ideas I came up with to make sure I don’t leave so exhausted.

The first idea I came up with is to accept that I am a people pleaser. Being around a lot of people is exhausting to me. That is just the way I am, being upset with that doesn’t change the way I am and it just makes me feel worse about myself. When I accept myself I can then focus on taking care of myself.  I can catch thoughts before they spin out of control. I can also remind myself that other people’s happiness is not my responsibility.

Another idea I came up with is to take breaks. I can do this by building some down time into a busy schedule or I can excuse myself from an event when I start to feel overwhelmed.  It is ok to leave the room, the restaurant or house for a few minutes to get my equilibrium back.  One of the best places I have found to go to when I am feeling overwhelmed is the bathroom. No one questions me when I say I have to go to the bathroom, then I can take a few minutes to gather myself.  When I go back to the crowd I feel more relaxed and ready to interact again.

When everything is over and you are on your own again a good cry does wonders.  Psychology Today reported that emotional crying release stress hormones and toxins that can help us to feel better.  In that case I am all in for a few tears to help get the stress out of my body faster.

Finally, I know that I need to take care of myself as much as I can. I know that exercise helps me to feel better overall. When I keep my workout program on tract I feel better and have more energy.  When I eat well I feel better. I am not a perfect healthy eater but when my blood sugar is balanced I have less of a chance of becoming hangry. (Which is good for everyone just ask my boys.)

I worry too much about what others think. I am working to embrace and accept that fact. While I do these steps will help me to deal with the effects of my thoughts. I would love to hear your ideas for dealing with negative thoughts! What do you do when worry overtakes you? Please comment below. I can always use more ideas to deal with life.

New Year, New You!

As we start this new year there are advertisements everywhere for ways to make a new you. You can join the gym or weight watchers. You can finally get yourself and your house organized. You can learn a new hobby or quit a bad habit. Although all of these can be good and helpful, all too often all I see is that I am not good enough. (I know that most people running these programs want to help people and improve their lives. It is just the way I look at it that is a problem.) To be good enough I must join or buy their program.

What if instead of falling into the trap of not being good enough this year we start the year knowing we are enough. Nothing we can do no amount of weight we lose will make us feel worthy. (Although I am a big proponent for a healthy lifestyle and do workout with a trainer.)  There isn’t a program we can buy that will fill up what we are missing.

So what is the answer? For me the answer comes in having a firm belief in who I really am. Knowing that I am a child of God. That He created us and he sent His Son to die for us.  Having that knowledge has made all the difference for me. It makes being able to see these advertisements for what they are; helps to build my life but not the foundation to build my life on.

As we begin this year I encourage you to find the basis for what you can build your life on. Take the time to build a firm foundation so that other people’s ideas don’t influence the way that you feel about yourself. Know that you are loved and that you have something unique to offer the world!

The world doesn’t need a new you and neither do you. What is needed is for each of us to just be the real us.  It is my goal this year to be the real me. To share the things I have learned. To help those around. One way I am going to do that is through this blog. I am going to share more of my story and things that have helped me. New posts will be here every Tuesday and Friday. Please come visit often. And remember you are perfect just the way you are.

What piano has taught me about anxiety

I started taking piano lessons a few months ago. I know a little bit about the piano but I am definitely a beginner. I still have to pay close attention to what I am playing. I have learned that the way I play best is by not thinking about anything else. Most of the time I can’t even think about what is coming next, I just have to play what is in front of me.

When I try to think about what is coming I mess up what I am playing at the moment. If I start to think about how many mistakes I have made on the piece I just keep getting worse and worse; especially if I am playing in front of my teacher. If I start thinking about something else I am bound to make mistakes.

We live in a world that encourages even idealizes multitasking. Even as I write this I am eating breakfast, thinking about what we will have for dinner and making sure that the kids get out the door for school. But when I play the piano I can’t do or think about anything else.

Playing the piano gave me an idea for dealing with anxiety. My brain cannot be left alone because it usually wanders into the anxiety playground. I don’t even realize what is going on until I can’t catch my breathe or I start feeling horrible about life.

So the tip that I have learned from piano is this: pay attention to what I am thinking about or to what I am doing right now. I have to keep my brain focused. Not worrying about what other people think of what I am doing. Not worrying about what I will be doing next. Just focus on what I am doing right now.

Multitasking might be the way to do things these days but it just doesn’t work for me or for my mental health. I am learning to slow down. Pay attention to what I am doing and what I am thinking about. (Obviously I am not perfect at this as shown above but I am working on it!) Not only does this help me stop anxiety attacks before they start but I also do better at the task I am working on.

I know single tasking is not what the cool kids are doing these days but I encourage you to try it. Slow down, pay attention to the task or person in front of you. Make them the most important part of this moment and you will be surprised at how your life changes.

The Days are Long, but the Years are Short

When the boys were little people would tell me all the time to enjoy this time because they would grow up fast.  They would tell me that they days were long but the years were short. I hated when people would tell me that. Each day seemed like it would never end and it was almost more than I could handle. I didn’t feel like we would ever get past the baby/toddler stage.

Next school year I will have two boys in high school and one in middle school and all I can think is where did the time go? Where are my little boys that loved to play with me? Now I want to tell people with little children the same thing, the years really do go by terribly fast. (I don’t, though, because sometimes I do know how to keep my mouth shut!)

So why am I telling you about my boys growing up? I have come to realize that life moves incredibly fast and because of that we have two choices. We can sit back and think things will never change, until they do. Or we can realize that time does go by quickly so we must use the time we have now.

This life we have is to help us learn and grow. I realize now that if I had the chance to do things over again with my boys I would. I don’t want to have those kind of regrets as they get older. I also don’t want to have those kinds of regrets about my own life.

To combat regrets I am doing scary things. I am setting hard goals that I have no IDEA how I will reach. I want to do things differently with my boys. I want to help you live your best life too. Instead of sitting back and saying “Oh there is time I will do it tomorrow.” I am doing what I can today to make a change. And boy is it fun!

Can you back a car?

I really hate backing into parking spaces. I know that is weird because if I go forward into the spot then I am going to have to back out of the when I leave. But I if I back INto the spot I can’t do it in one try. I am going to have to go forward and back a couple of times to get the car in straight. Why does this matter? Because I hate making mistakes. If I am going to do something I am going to do it right the first time or not at all.  That means I don’t back into parking spaces. It also means that I don’t do a lot of other things.

I started to think about this Sunday when we were parking for church. Aron always backs in because it is easier to get out when church is over. Aron is a really good driver and even he couldn’t just back in and be done.  He did at least one forward after he started backing to get into the spot like he wanted.

This started me thinking about life.  So often I want to know how to do something perfectly before I start. Or I want to know that everything will work out perfectly before I start something new. That just isn’t how life works. I have been kept from trying and working on things because I think I have to be perfect.

So instead of adjusting my journey just a little bit when something goes wrong I completely give up. I tell myself that this path must not be the correct one for me and I quit. That isn’t the purpose of life though. We are here to learn and grow.  I can do that by making some mistakes. I can try new things and then work it out when it may not go the way I want it to the first time. I can spend the time to learn, grow and have experiences good and bad.

Or I can say that I am just a bad backer so I am not going to try. Not anymore, Excuse me while I go practice my backing.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash