Category: confidence

Flood of Love

I am still obsessed with The Greatest Showman. I cannot get over the music This is Me is one of my favorite songs from the movie. (Of course I would say that every song is one of my favorites.) I have been thinking so much about the lyrics to This is Me.

The first verse starts out “I am not a stranger to the dark, Hide away they say, Cause we don’t want your broken parts, I’ve learned to be ashamed of all my scars”

Every time I listen to this song this first part hits me in the gut. How many of us have been told to hide, to not show a part of them because it is scarred, we believe that no one wants to know about our broken parts?

The ironic part is that each and everyone of us has broken parts. We aren’t perfect. I saw this quote on Instagram from Hannah Marbach “Literally every person is messed up, so pick your favorite train wreck and roll with it.” I giggle every time I read this, because it is so true. We all have problems. So why do we shame each other for those broken parts? Why can’t we treat ourselves and others with more love?

This morning I was reading in Isaiah during my Bible study. In chapter 61:1-2 Isaiah is speaking of Christ and says “he (God) hath sent me (Christ) to bind up the brokenhearted”.  I don’t know how to stop the shame for our broken parts but I do know where to go to be comforted and loved. I love the picture this part of the verse gives me. The picture of Christ sitting with my broken heart. Binding it up and loving it and fixing it. The feeling and knowledge that Christ has experienced all of the pain I have felt. I know that I can go to Him with that pain and he will heal it.

The chorus of This is Me says, “When the sharpest words wanna cut me down, I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out, I am brave, I am bruised, I am who I’m meant to be, this is me”.

This is Me so I am going to send a flood of love, acceptance and peace into the world. I am going to send a flood of God’s love into the world. Because This is Me.

New Year, New You!

As we start this new year there are advertisements everywhere for ways to make a new you. You can join the gym or weight watchers. You can finally get yourself and your house organized. You can learn a new hobby or quit a bad habit. Although all of these can be good and helpful, all too often all I see is that I am not good enough. (I know that most people running these programs want to help people and improve their lives. It is just the way I look at it that is a problem.) To be good enough I must join or buy their program.

What if instead of falling into the trap of not being good enough this year we start the year knowing we are enough. Nothing we can do no amount of weight we lose will make us feel worthy. (Although I am a big proponent for a healthy lifestyle and do workout with a trainer.)  There isn’t a program we can buy that will fill up what we are missing.

So what is the answer? For me the answer comes in having a firm belief in who I really am. Knowing that I am a child of God. That He created us and he sent His Son to die for us.  Having that knowledge has made all the difference for me. It makes being able to see these advertisements for what they are; helps to build my life but not the foundation to build my life on.

As we begin this year I encourage you to find the basis for what you can build your life on. Take the time to build a firm foundation so that other people’s ideas don’t influence the way that you feel about yourself. Know that you are loved and that you have something unique to offer the world!

The world doesn’t need a new you and neither do you. What is needed is for each of us to just be the real us.  It is my goal this year to be the real me. To share the things I have learned. To help those around. One way I am going to do that is through this blog. I am going to share more of my story and things that have helped me. New posts will be here every Tuesday and Friday. Please come visit often. And remember you are perfect just the way you are.

What am I willing to sacrifice?

Sometimes in life we need to give up something we want right now for something we want even more. Sacrificing is hard and most of the time I really hate it when I am doing it. I have been thinking about sacrifice this week because of my husband. He recently asked one of our boys what they were willing to give up to achieve their goals. This got me to thinking about my goals. Am I willing to move out of my comfort zone to achieve what I want?

Anxiety affected my ability to reach out and connect with other people.  I was so worried about what other people thought of me I couldn’t get past my own thoughts to reach other people. I had so much going on in my brain I had a difficult time slowing down my thoughts enough to be able to hear another person.

Now I am mostly on the other side of those feelings. I can shut down an anxiety attack much quicker. I can slow down my brain enough to listen to what another person is saying. (Sometimes I have to work to do that but I can do it!) But I am still struggling to connect with other people. I recently went to a women’s group and after it was over I stood in the corner like an awkward teenager. I was too scared to reach out to any of the women.

I was too scared to reach out because I still have a portion of the anxiety in my head telling me that I am not good enough.  This lie holds me back from connecting with people because it tells me that the other person wouldn’t want to be my friend. It tells me that I don’t have anything to offer and that I am not good enough to help them even if I did offer. I know these are lies but at times they still control me.

This brings me to my sacrifice. I want to give up my comfort zone to connect with other people. It means I’m going to have to be vulnerable. It means I will have to be uncomfortable. It means I’m going to have to work. it scares me because of the lie. But I am tired of believing the lie and living in it’s shadow.

I am going to start fighting this lie of anxiety by reaching out to others. But I would love your ideas and support. How do you push through when you know you want something but you are sacred? How do you fight the lie of not being good enough?

Photo by Matt Kochar on Unsplash

Learning to live with anxiety

As I write this I am having an anxiety attack.  I have dealt with them for quite a few years. If you have anxiety you know how it feels: your heart starts to speed up, your thoughts go down a dark hole of negativty and you are certain that your heart is going to explode at any second. I have learned a few things about anxiety in the few years we have been buddies. I hope that they will help you not to have to travell the same path I have gone down.

First off, it isn’t going to kill me. I have been extra sensitive my entire life but the full on panic has been part of my life for about the last ten years. Althougth it often feels like it my heart has not yet exploded. The anxiety feels horrible and overwhelming but it isn’t going to kill me. In the middle of a panic attack it is hard to remember this but I promise it is true.

Another thing I have learned is that I can make the anxiety attack worse by the way that I think. When the anxiety starts I have two choice I can think this is horrible it is never going to end why do I have to put up with this why am I not strong enough to deal with life. Or I can think this is going to be a difficult day I really don’t want to do what I need to but I know that I can do it. My thoughts in the first experience lead me further down into the black hole. They make the feelings worse and my thoughts begin to spiral further out of control.  In the second example I am still having a panic attack but it doesn’t have the same control over me. I can stay above the black hole instead of entering in.

I have learned that to stay above the black hole I have to keep my mind busy.  Because of experiencing the anxiety for so long my brain is now accustomed to running quickly all of the time. I have found that I when I keep my brain busy with other things the panic doesn’t have as much space to take over.

Here is an example of what I mean. Most of my worry centers on what other people think of me so I have to make sure I am making the perfect choice all of the time. When I start to fixate on a worry I move those thoughts to an area I can actually change. When I start worrying I will imagine a stop sign and then move my thoughts in another direction. What do my boys need to get ready for school. I can start a list and begin to get things ready. By the time I have finished the anxiety is down to where I can handle it.

The panic attack I was having when I started this post is now subsiding. I know that I will deal with it more today because of what it is centered on. However, I know that I can handle it and not let it get out of control. I have faith in you also. The anxiety is not who you are, it is just a party of you that you can learn to handle.

The Days are Long, but the Years are Short

When the boys were little people would tell me all the time to enjoy this time because they would grow up fast.  They would tell me that they days were long but the years were short. I hated when people would tell me that. Each day seemed like it would never end and it was almost more than I could handle. I didn’t feel like we would ever get past the baby/toddler stage.

Next school year I will have two boys in high school and one in middle school and all I can think is where did the time go? Where are my little boys that loved to play with me? Now I want to tell people with little children the same thing, the years really do go by terribly fast. (I don’t, though, because sometimes I do know how to keep my mouth shut!)

So why am I telling you about my boys growing up? I have come to realize that life moves incredibly fast and because of that we have two choices. We can sit back and think things will never change, until they do. Or we can realize that time does go by quickly so we must use the time we have now.

This life we have is to help us learn and grow. I realize now that if I had the chance to do things over again with my boys I would. I don’t want to have those kind of regrets as they get older. I also don’t want to have those kinds of regrets about my own life.

To combat regrets I am doing scary things. I am setting hard goals that I have no IDEA how I will reach. I want to do things differently with my boys. I want to help you live your best life too. Instead of sitting back and saying “Oh there is time I will do it tomorrow.” I am doing what I can today to make a change. And boy is it fun!

Blessings Flow

I have been listening to Colleen Coble’s book “Tidewater Inn”.  At one point a sister is talking about her brother and says that he was blessed with riches because the Lord knew that those riches would flow through him to bless those in need.  This description stopped me and made me think.  Do my riches and blessing flow through me to others in need or do I hold on to them so tightly I can’t see them?

I know for a long time I have had a death grip on my blessings. I didn’t want them to get away, I was afraid that there wasn’t enough. I thought I wasn’t enough. I thought if I didn’t hold on tight then my blessings would get away, that I would be left with nothing.

I have come to realize that fear was telling me lies. I have learned that when I squeeze my blessings so tight they can’t breathe it makes them die. When I believe that there isn’t enough, fear makes anything I do have smaller. I have learned that blessings multiply when they are given away.

I am still working on not being so afraid. But little changes are making a huge difference in how I feel. One simple mindset change has been to say I choose to spend my money somewhere else. Instead of saying we don’t have enough money for that thing. It seems small but it feels huge. By making this small mindset change I control how I feel instead of letting fear tell me what to feel.

Blessings are made to flow. They are supposed to flow to us and then out into the world to bless everyone. I have built a dam around my blessings but I am working to take it apart. I want my blessing to again be able to flow.

Photo by paul morris on Unsplash

Can you back a car?

I really hate backing into parking spaces. I know that is weird because if I go forward into the spot then I am going to have to back out of the when I leave. But I if I back INto the spot I can’t do it in one try. I am going to have to go forward and back a couple of times to get the car in straight. Why does this matter? Because I hate making mistakes. If I am going to do something I am going to do it right the first time or not at all.  That means I don’t back into parking spaces. It also means that I don’t do a lot of other things.

I started to think about this Sunday when we were parking for church. Aron always backs in because it is easier to get out when church is over. Aron is a really good driver and even he couldn’t just back in and be done.  He did at least one forward after he started backing to get into the spot like he wanted.

This started me thinking about life.  So often I want to know how to do something perfectly before I start. Or I want to know that everything will work out perfectly before I start something new. That just isn’t how life works. I have been kept from trying and working on things because I think I have to be perfect.

So instead of adjusting my journey just a little bit when something goes wrong I completely give up. I tell myself that this path must not be the correct one for me and I quit. That isn’t the purpose of life though. We are here to learn and grow.  I can do that by making some mistakes. I can try new things and then work it out when it may not go the way I want it to the first time. I can spend the time to learn, grow and have experiences good and bad.

Or I can say that I am just a bad backer so I am not going to try. Not anymore, Excuse me while I go practice my backing.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Circles in my mind.

My brain does circles sometimes.  It is not necessarily anxiety but it can turn into that if I let the circles continue.

I get fixated on one thought and I spend every minute trying to figure out how to make that thing work or make that thing make sense.  Today it has been the personality test Strengths Finder.  I was looking at the results today and one of my strengths in a connector.

I have been trying to figure it out because I don’t feel like I am a very good connector.  I like people and I like people to be happy and if someone is having a relationship problem I want to fix it.  But I don’t feel like I connect.

Then I start to wonder if the other strengths are really my strengths.  If this one is off then the other ones could be too.  I have a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology so I feel like I can figure out how to answer these tests so that I get the results I want.  If I do that then how can I trust any of these tests?

Yes I make myself dizzy with all of these questions.  Does anyone else have circles in the brain?

The point?  I have to stop the circles.  I distract myself with work or thinking about the Primary class I am teaching on Sunday.  I write, I play games with the boys.

The truth is the circles are there but I have the choice of stepping out of the circle.  Excuse me while I go get out of this circle.

I Have Learned…

This it the last day of my challenge!

What is it that I have learned?

I have learned that confidence is an action.  To really gain confidence you have to do something.  It is similar to learning how to play the piano.  You can read all of the books and learn all of the theory but until you actually put your fingers on the keyboard you don’t know how to play the piano.  I have learned a lot about confidence but I really gain confidence by doing things that scare me.

I have learned that confidence is a choice.  So much of life is what we tell ourselves.  I have told myself for years that I am shy so that has been true.  As I make the choice to be confident the things I tell myself change.  Or maybe the things I tell myself changes so confidence comes out more.

I have learned that there are more people on my side than I thought.  Because the anxiety taught me I wasn’t good enough I hid; I have been very closed off from people.  Sharing my thoughts and deep feelings has shown me that there are people all over the world that care about me. I don’t have to be perfect or to earn love.  I can be me and that is ok.  That is confidence!

I have learned that I can accomplish what I set out to do.  I don’t always feel that I accomplish my goals.  I accomplish things for work, for my family and church.  But not always a goal just for me.  This was a goal just for me.  I pushed myself to do it and I only missed one day.  My confidence has increased knowing that I can push myself to accomplish my goals.

I have learned that my life is much more important to my Heavenly Father than I thought.  Sometimes I feel bad asking for help because I know that there are people with much bigger problems than mine.  I have learned, however, that there isn’t a ranking system on problems.  If it is important to us it is important to our Heavenly Father.  My confidence in Heavenly Father has grown.

This has been an amazing journey for me.  I am very grateful for each one of you for joining me.  Confidence isn’t just for other people it is for each one of us.

Confidence takes Action

I broke my streak yesterday, so close to the end!!!

I have learned so much about confidence this month and so much about myself.

The number one thing I have learned is that confidence is something that you do. I can’t sit around reading and learning about confidence and just expect it to become part of my life.  I have to start doing things to bring that confidence into my life.

One thing that I need to do is be more vocal about this blog and my goals.  I spent last week with most of my siblings.  Only a couple of them even knew I was writing a blog. (I have 5 siblings.)  I mentioned it because I was writing in front of them.  But I never said “Hey check out my blog I would love your input and comments.”

I didn’t say anything because of fear.  (Although I did tell my mom she needed to read my blog about should!) I didn’t say anything because I don’t want them (or anyone) to laugh at me.  If I stay small, if I stay quiet there is less of a chance I will get laughed at.

I don’t want to stay small anymore.  I am tired of hiding my thoughts and dreams.  So this is when I marshal my confidence and step out into the unknown.

I am a life coach!!! There I said it.  This is a dream I have had for a really long time.  I love to help other people.  I love to see people change their lives and begin to love themselves and their lives.  I would love to work with you if you are seeking a change in your life.

Please contact me here.  Or connect with me on Facebook.

Day 29 – Do something today to build your confidence.  Do something scary just to show that you can.  I would love to hear what scary thing you did today!