Category: confidence

What is your Endgame?

Last weekend one of the most anticipated movies of the year came out: Avenger Endgame. First off – no spoilers here! I haven’t even seen the movie yet. But we are huge Marvel Comic Universe fans here at my house. If you want to have a discussion about Venom, Carnage, and Riot and which would win in a fight I am your girl. But that isn’t what I want to talk about.

This Marvel Universe has been evolving for 11 years starting with Iron Man. There are at least 22 movies with I am not sure how many TV shows in the saga.

Some have done better than others at the box office.

Some were released and then disappeared. I am looking at you Fantastic Four. (Although I do love you.)

Some have done better than others.

Some taught us about more than just super heroes.

The creators have been working on these movies for years. What if they had given up when it got hard? What if they gave up when one of the movies did bad? What if they stopped because some people didn’t like the way they portrayed a character?

We wouldn’t have these movies and the enjoyment they bring into our lives. What if I had given up when the anxiety got bad? What if I quit trying because it hurt too much? What if I just stopped because someone didn’t like the way I did my job? What if you stopped.

Sometimes life is hard and we are thrown every painful thing we can imagine. All we want to do is curl up in a ball and forget the world exists. If we do that though we miss the big ending we miss the Endgame. We miss the point when we break all of the records. We miss the point where it doesn’t hurt so much. We miss all of the good things that came out of the bad. We miss the people and relationships we could have had.

I want to know what is your Endgame? What is the thing that you had to overcome to get the point where you are today? As weird as it seems I am grateful for the anxiety. I have become a stronger woman, more compassionate and loving, more willing to give others the support they need than if I hadn’t gone through it. This is my Endgame!

Annoying

I can get super annoying sometimes. (I am sticking with sometimes no matter what my kids may say!)

When I get excited about something I hyper-focus on that thing. So let’s say that I decided to make a mermaid blanket for my sister, you can read more about that here. I spend the week looking for patterns, the best type of yarn and any embellishments needed. It is pretty much the only thing that I think about until I have all of the items I need.

Most of the time this is not annoying to other people. The focus is on what I need to do. However, there are times when other people are involved in what I am hyper-focusing on. This week I started a class to become certified as a life coach. In the introductory email the teacher explained that she had set up a Google Docs file for each of us with items uploaded there. She also stated that more would be added this week.

That meant that I checked my email and Google Docs file whenever I saw my phone. I had to check if there was something new. I wanted to know what to study next, I wanted to know what to expect from the class. When new was posted up to Wednesday I couldn’t handle it anymore. I emailed the teacher to find out if I missed something.

This hyper focus can be good because it helps me to get things done. But it interrupts my day and my thoughts. I get anxious and my thoughts start spiraling in a downward direction.

I am working on learning to control this hyper focus. I put my phone away where I can’t see it. I redirect my thoughts. As soon as I start worrying about what new items may be posted I move my thoughts to the sunny day outside. I make myself wait 5 more minutes before I check my email. I remind myself that people have a life outside of what I want them to do. I give them grace to accomplish what they said they would.

I am just starting this new focus. (Since yes I did just email by teacher Wednesday to know where the class schedule was.) I notice that I am feeling calmer. We had class last night and the teacher said she would upload more material today. So far at 8:30am I have only checked my email once!

Baby steps but I am making change. What is one thing that you would like to do differently or accomplish? What is a baby step you could take today to begin? I would love to help you out! Post your baby step in the comments and I will cheer you on today.

I Am…

Have you ever noticed how often you say I am during the day? I am tired, I am lazy, I am lost. I never really noticed it until I saw a Facebook post last week by a friend highlighting this phrase. She mentioned that when we say I am we are claiming something for ourselves. We are telling our own minds what to think of us.

Are the I am statements you say something you want in your brain? Are your I am statements as negative as mine? I talk a lot about the way we think because the way we thing makes all the difference. The way we talk to and about ourselves determines so much about what we think we are capable of doing.

Pay attention to how these different statements make you feel.

I am exhausted.

I am always making mistakes.

I am a fighter.

I am a winner.

The first two statements make me feel worn down and defeated. The last two statements make me hold my head up and get ready to fight. So what if you are exhausted? Instead of saying I am use I feel instead; exhausted is a feeling, not who you are at your core. Don’t claim things that aren’t who you really are.

I challenge you to pay attention to what you say when using I am. Only use positive thoughts and attributes after I am. Because at your core you are a child of God and that is the best I am.

Guided by the Spirit

A long, long time ago in galaxy far far away. OK sorry that story has already been told.

But some time ago I was asked how you can tell when it is the spirit or Holy Ghost warning you about something and when is it the anxiety just getting you spun up. Sometimes it is incredibly difficult to tell the difference.

I want to preface this discussion with a disclaimer. The thoughts and beliefs that follow are mine alone. They do not reflect the beliefs for teachings of anyone else.

That being said I want to start with the scripture from 2 Timothy 1:7. This is a letter that Paul sent to Timothy. The spirit of the letter tells me that Paul knew Timothy well and wanted to uplift and help Timothy in his calling as an Apostle. In verse 7 Paul tells Timothy “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

This was not an easy time to be declaring the good news of the gospel. Paul was in prison and was telling Timothy in verse 8 that he would also be a “partaker of the afflictions of the gospel”. But Paul is telling Timothy to not be afraid. God has not given us the spirit of fear. Paul was letting Timothy know that there may be hard times coming but not to give in to the fear. I thought about this scripture often when I was going through the anxiety.

How does this scripture help me to know if it is the Holy Ghost warning me or the anxiety? By the way that I feel. When my thoughts start racing and my heart is beating like crazy and I feel like my entire life is hanging on this decision and if I don’t make the correct choice then my life will be destroyed; I know that the anxiety is speaking. Because God does not give me fear. He does not want me to feel this way. When the spirit is warning me of something I may feel lost or confused but my thoughts and feelings do not start running wild.

There is another way that I use to determine if it is the anxiety or the spirit. This scripture is in the Doctrine and Covenants. This is a book of revelations that I believe were given to Joseph Smith as he restored the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. This revelation was given in response to Oliver Cowdery. He had tried to translate the Book of Mormon but was unable to do it. The Lord told Oliver in section 9 verse 8 “But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and it it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel it is right.”

Oliver had not done any work to be able to translate he just asked and expected to be able to receive the answer from God. When I am working to know if there is something I need to change or do differently. Usually when I am trying to decide if I have messed up and I need to apologize to someone (because I think way too much about the things I do and say and then I worry I said the wrong thing and I need to apologize) I make a list. I try to “study out” the situation for myself.

I write down what I did and all of the possible ways the other person may react. I then go through the list and cross out the craziest. You know the ones like they are making a voodoo doll to begin torturing me for being so horrible.

When I have all of the craziest responses marked out I am usually calm enough at that point to think clearly about the situation. I can then take the question to the Lord and ask Him if this is a situation that I need to change or work on. The end of the verse gives me the most important clue to knowing if it is the spirit or the anxiety talking to me.

The end of the verse says “if it is right I will cause your bosom to burn”. So to know if it is the spirit or the anxiety you have to know how the spirit talks to you. What do you feel when you have felt the spirit? How have you felt guided or led? For me I feel calm and peaceful. I often feel as though a blanket has been settled down through my mind calming the racing thoughts. It is at that point that I know that I am on the right track.

I don’t give in to the crazy thoughts of the anxiety as often but I listen to what God is trying to teach me. It has taken me some time to trust myself again. However, the work is worth it to have that guiding influence in my life.  How does the Spirit talk to you? How do you know when you are on the right track in your life?

Keep your eye on the Son

If you were to join us at church you would find us at the very back of the congregation. You know the hard uncomfortable seats in the nosebleed section? That is where we are. We sit there for a few different reasons. But there is a consequence to sitting back there. I can see everyone else and there are lots of distractions to what should be my focus at the front.

I love watching people and when you sit at the back of the church it is prime people watching time. The problem is, it is not time to watch people or let my mind wander. This last Sunday I was working hard to pay close attention to what was going on.

During the Sacrament at The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints the bread and water are passed to the congregation by the eleven and twelve year old boys. One of those boys is my youngest son. As I was working to keep my attention where it should be I watched him as he passed the Sacrament.

As I watched him I was able to block out the rest of the people and focus on Christ and what He has given to me. The thought came to my mind “keep your eye on the Son.” I knew the thought meant more than just paying attention to my son. As I keep my eye on Christ and look to Him what other people are doing falls away. As I keep my eye on Him what other people think of me doesn’t matter. As I keep my eye on Him the worries that I have about life become smaller and less of a hurdle.

Life is hard and we are all struggling with things that cause us pain. When I spend my time looking around me I get overwhelmed with my shortcomings. I find myself putting others down in my mind. I find that I am not a very nice person. When I focus my life and thoughts on the Savior I find that I am more compassionate with myself and those around me. Instead of judging those closest to me I share the love and compassion of Christ.

Instead of putting myself down and focusing on the things I do wrong; when I focus on the love of the Savior I am remind of whose child I am. I am reminded that I am loved and saved. I am reminded of how much was sacrificed just for me.

When life gets hard I would encourage you to “keep your eye on the Son”. Don’t focus so much on where you are lacking but on what you were given. I know that changing your focus will make all the difference in your life.

Good Questions Change Everything

I have told myself, and anyone else that will listen, for years that I am bad with people. I tell myself that I would much rather be on my own. If I have the choice between staying home in PJs or going out to meet people you can bet I will stay home. I tell myself that I like it this way but there are times that I feel lonely. I miss having friends to call and text.

I know that most of the beliefs that I am not good with people came from the anxiety. I spent so long worried about what people thought of me it was just easier to pull away. There is still a part of my brain that starts questioning everything I say when I start a conversation. The anxiety tells me that I am a dork and I don’t know what to say. It tells me that I don’t know how to make small talk. With this chatter going on in my head it is no wonder that I have a hard time connecting with people.

The crazy thing is I love to help people! I get so revved up by helping people and seeing them grow and change.

Recently I took Heather Quisel’s Level Up Challenge. If you don’t follow Heather on social media you NEED to, I promise. Go follow her I will wait. Ok everyone back now? In this challenge we looked at the ways we hold ourselves back. One thing that she shared that has stuck with me is that our brain is a problem solving machine. We put a problem in front of it, it will do all it can to figure out that problem.

I keep putting the problem of not being good with people in front of my brain. Why aren’t I better with people? Why am I always saying dumb and embarrassing things? So my brain is always working to figure out those problems. It is working to find examples of why I am not good with people. So any interaction I have my brain analyzes later for examples of what I did wrong.

Heather taught us to ask better questions. Instead ask: how can I become more comfortable talking with people? How can I be more confident in myself? The difference in these questions is incredibly striking. Instead of focusing on negative parts of my personality I’m focusing on how to make good things better.

When I began to focus on the positive questions I felt better. I am not so negative and scared. Instead of being afraid of what may happen I feel energized to try new things. Instead of being afraid of small talk I get excited to try out new skills.

I challenge you to do this with the questions you put to your brain. How can you change your questions to get your brain working for you? What positive questions can you give your brain to begin working?

What is a good day?

Hey everybody!

I am sorry that I missed posting on Friday. I am starting over today with posting every Tuesday and Friday. Please keep checking in for new content. I appreciate each and everyone of you for visiting.

I love doing craft projects. I love to look through Pinterest and check out all of the fun projects people are working on. I am pretty good at crochet projects. A few years ago I decided to crochet a mermaid tail for my sister. I couldn’t find a pattern that I really liked and I was having a hard time reworking the pattern I did find. One night while I was looking for a pattern my son saw a pattern for a crocheted shark tail.

So, of course, I had to start that project for him. It is so cute and when it is all finished it looks like the shark is eating you when you are in the blanket. I started working on that one while I was still trying to decide what to do for my sister’s mermaid tail. I had purchased some yarn for the tail for my sister. But it just didn’t work for the tail so I started working on a blanket with that yarn.

Both the shark tail and the blanket are still sitting in my closet waiting to be finished. I do this a lot. I get super excited about a project, I go out and purchase all of the materials I need to complete the project, I start the project then I get bored and it is stored in my closet. I don’t even want to tell you all of the projects I have partly finished in my closet.  But trust me when I say there are more projects in my closet than shoes.

Why do I tell you all of this? Because sometimes I think we link what we accomplish to how good of a person we are. I know that I do. Oftentimes at night I go through everything I did that day. If I accomplished all I set out to do then it was a good day. If not then I need to work harder the next day.

But I don’t always or really ever take into consideration all of the things that I did that weren’t on my list for the day. Was I able to help a hurting heart? A short conversation that took up the time I was going to use to make that doctor’s appointment was an accomplishment.  Taking time to help someone else finish a project was an accomplishment. Even when that means I wasn’t able to finish my project that day.

There is a gentleman that comes into the library. He always has a wonderful story for me and spends a few minutes talking. (Sometimes more than a few minutes but he has the best stories!) Oftentimes when he leaves he says “I smiled again today. Thank you.” I don’t tell you this to brag but as an example that a few minutes to me means a lot to someone else.

How about we change the way we judge a good day? Instead of looking at what we were able to check off our lists we look at the connections we were able to make. Instead of thinking we need to accomplish more to be important. We remember that we are important now, just as we are. Instead of feeling bad because we aren’t as successful as the next person; we remember we are all working hard for what we have. Life is so much more than lists. You matter so much more than any accomplishment you could check off of a list.

P.S. Yes that picture is my closet with my piles of projects!

Prayer has changed me

One thing that anxiety has brought me that I am most grateful for, is better prayers. I love to listen and feel when people truly pray. I love the spirit and peace that is brought into a room and a heart when a person shares their faith through prayer.

Honestly, I have never been good at prayer. I have had a hard time quieting my mind enough to feel a connection to God when I pray. I often feel that I repeat the same thing all of the time or that I am just repeating a long list of things I want. It feels like I am just writing a letter to Santa.

To combat the anxiety I have learned how to quiet my mind, how to slow down my thoughts, and to really think about what I am doing in the moment. Meditation has helped in doing this. I have also learned to change my prayers.

The other night I found myself praying over and over again: please just fix this, please just fix it, please just take this away. This has been a common prayer in my life. I sob and beg for the Lord to just change me and take all of the anxiety and depression away. When I start to go down into the spiral I just want it gone. As I knelt there my thoughts and prayers changed.

I remembered that I am an adult and I can choose the way I act. I also know that the depression and anxiety will probably never completely go away. So I started to change my prayer. I asked to be made stronger, to be able to handle the down days. I asked to know what else I need to learn from the anxiety and depression. I asked to know what is the next thing I need to do to overcome the anxiety.

Although, I didn’t magically change, answers didn’t start dropping from heaven, my attitude changed. Instead of just praying to be changed in an instant I was reminded that this life is a marathon not a sprint. When I choose to partner with the Lord in changing my life the change I was begging for begins. As I changed my prayer from begging to listening I was able to open my heart to communication from God.

Nothing in my life will change until I make a change. I may still have some of the begging prayers. But instead of feeling forgotten by God I remember that He wants to work with me. Healing will come. As we work together toward that healing I am learning and changing more than if the Lord just took away the anxiety. Although I don’t love having anxiety I am grateful that it has led me to a better relationship with my Father.

You are an adult

janko-ferlic-174927-unsplashIn my daily life I run a small library. This summer there is a conference lasting a few days held at a college just a few miles from my house. They are asking all participants to stay in the dorms. But it is just a few miles from my bed. I’m not sure I really want to stay in the dorms. My bed is just a few miles down the street.

I was talking with the consultant from the Commission for Libraries (that is a state agency that helps the libraries in Idaho). I told him about having to stay at the dorms and I’m not sure I wanted to go.

That is when he told me “You are an adult. You can leave if you want to.” It felt like a light bulb went on in my head. I am an adult I can choose. There are so many things I can choose instead of just letting it happen.

I can choose the way I act instead of just reacting. Yesterday my youngest was upset because he had a horrible day. No matter what I said he was upset and determined to stay that way. Instead of getting upset myself I backed off and let him have some time to work through his feelings. Once he was ready we talked about his day and his feelings. Because I choose to act I felt better and we were able to connect.

I can choose the way I think. For too long I believed that whatever thought came into my mind was true. I entertained way too many negative thoughts that I should have challenged. Now I know that a thought is just a thought. I choose whether that is something I want to keep in my life or if I want to get rid of it.

I choose the type of life I want to have. I get to choose what I focus on and what I work towards. I get to choose to be grateful for what I have or focus on the lack. I get to choose if I enjoy the time I have with my family or feel sad because it is all changing.

Guess what? You can choose your life also. You don’t have to wait for some magic moment. You don’t even have to wait until tomorrow. Today right now you can choose your life. What will you choose?

Building a Tribe

tyler-nix-525388-unsplashI have been struggling to decide what to share with you today. So many different things have been running through my head; a book review, how to handle anxiety at work, anxiety vs. the spirit (this one has been on my mind for a long time but I can’t seem to get it right), and how to find and/or deal with a doctor.

But then yesterday we watched Bohemian Rhapsody. To tell you the truth I was not interested at all in watching the movie. I know who Queen is but I am barely a fan and wasn’t sure why a movie was made about them. Then the movie started and I was enthralled from the start.

The life and family that Freddie Mercury built was inspiring. He had parents and a sister that loved him. I am not sure his dad understood or supported him in the beginning. Then Freddie joined a band and began to build his tribe of supporters. The band became his family. He met a woman that stayed with him throughout his life. He went through a time when fame and money become more important to him. But he came back to his family.

He came back to his band and mended those relationships. He came back to his family and received the love his family had for him. I have had this experience on my mind all night. I can’t get it out of my mind because of the bonds he built with others. He knew who actually cared about him and he worked to strengthen those relationships.

These type of bonds are vital to each one of us. It doesn’t matter how many friends or family we have around us but the type of bond we have with them. Are we being authentic and honest with them? Or are we showing them just what we want them to see? This is something that I struggle with every day. I want so much for people to love me that I try to be what they want instead of who I am.

As I have become more secure in myself my relationships with others have become stronger. It has given me a stronger support system for when I am struggling. It also gives me the opportunity to help and support them.

Today take a few minutes to do just one thing to strength the bonds you have with family and friends. You will be grateful you did.