Category: choice

What is Your Focus?

 

I got new glasses last year. I have been using reading glasses for a few years but this year I took the plunge and got old lady glasses. Yep progressive lenses, this way I can read all the time not just when I have my reading glasses with me.

This got me to thinking about the things that I focus on. Have you noticed that the things you focus on seem to get bigger? This is especially true with negative thoughts. Once the thought comes into my head that something is scary it just starts growing and growing. Pretty soon everything I think about is now focused in fear.

What about when you decided to start making healthier food choices? Soon all you can see are the treats that you want to eat. Or that the lunch you made can’t be as good as a drive thru burger.

What happens if you decide to change the focus of your thoughts? Instead of focusing on the thought that everything is scary I can be truthful with myself that what I am trying may be scary but it is something that I choose to do. Or the drive thru thought, if I change my focus to looking at how I feel when I get that drive thru burger or how I feel when I eat the lunch I made making the choice may not seem like I am losing out on something yummy.

I know that I make it sound so simple: Just change your thoughts! The truth is it is simple but it isn’t easy. It takes work everyday to change the focus of your thoughts. The good news is that it is like a muscle. The more that you practice changing your thoughts the easier it gets to focus on the good things in your life.

If you need help with a specific thought that has been bothering you please contact me. I would love to help you learn how to change that thought.

PS Yes I really do have my Christmas decorations still up!

Dealing with Travel Anxiety

A few weeks ago I flew to Palm Springs to attend my sister’s wedding. I was excited to see her and my family and to have some sunshine during a very gloomy few weeks here in Idaho. One thing I knew I would have to deal with is travel anxiety. It has been a long time since I flew and even longer since I did it by myself. I was nervous about being on my own but over the weekend I came up with a few tips to help myself and hopefully others when traveling.

One of the most important things to remember about anxiety is that no one else knows you are nervous. Although it feels like the anxiety is shooting out of your body and everyone should be able to tell you are freaking out they really can’t tell. My family are the only ones that have an idea that I am having an anxiety attack. So don’t worry about what other’s may be thinking, it really doesn’t matter anyway.

As much as you can while you are traveling get in some movement. If you have time between flights walk around. Being able to move your body will help to work some of the nervousness out. Plus it is good for you and helps when you have to sit for long periods of time in cramped space.

I always bring way too many things with me to “work on”. I have finally gotten a smaller purse that I can’t carry books and my lunch in. But when I travel I carry a lot of stuff. I have a notebook for writing down thoughts I want to get out of my head. I bring a project I am working on, usually a crochet project. The repetitive motion helps to calm me and I have something besides my own thoughts to occupy me. I always have lotion and essential oils with me. My favorite right now it tangerine. You can see why I usually carry a big purse. Oh and of course something to read. Having a Kindle has drastically reduced the size of my bag.

Finally, when I have gone on long trips I have brought notes with me. I have notes from family and friends that I bring to remind myself that I am loved and that I don’t need to believe the negative thoughts. If you need a letter like this please message me. I would love to send you a letter to help strength you.

The trip was wonderful. The wedding was beautiful. I was able to enjoy myself and I made every flight I needed to. Although it is scary to do something out of my normal routine it is good for me too. It reminds me that anxiety doesn’t control me.

Change is Change

Change is change and change is hard. Even when you choose a change it can still be hard to handle all of the emotions that come along with the change. I decided last month that it was time for me to change. So I am leaving a job I have had for almost 19 years, starting a business, and looking for a new job. All of these are choices that I have made and changes that I want but I have noticed that in some ways I have not been handling the changes very well.

I decided that I didn’t want to keep going down this road of stressing about what was coming and instead to take back control of my life and emotions.

One of my favorite ways to take back control is to make lists. I love lists because I can see everything that I need to do. I had a friend tell me yesterday that she calls her agenda her stress agenda. She calls it this because it has everything in it she is stressed about so then she doesn’t need to think about it anymore. I have started calling my list my own stress agenda. Writing things down gets it out of my head and it doesn’t keep circling and making me worry more.

Another tool you can use is to talk to someone you trust. My son and I were talking the other day about what was bothering him. He knew what he needed to tell himself to deal with the stress but he just needed a sounding board to get the feelings out. Sometimes just getting the words out gets the stress out of your mind. You are then able to move forward with whatever you need to do.

Taking care of yourself physically is also important when you are under stress. Sugar and caffeine can make your body bounce between high and low energy throughout the day. This can make it more difficult to deal with stress because your emotions are all over the place. As much as I would rather eat chocolate I know that when I am struggling it is the time to nourish my body with good food. I am not 100% at this but I am getting better. I can definitely feel a difference when I am eating good food because my body feels better.

Remember that stress is just a feeling. You can let it come and go quickly through your body. Today I caught myself saying I am so stressed. I stopped and told myself, I am feeling stress and it will pass. I was able to let the stress pass through me instead of holding on to it. Just because you are feeling something doesn’t mean you have to keep holding on to it. Hold on to the positive feelings and let the negative ones pass through your body.

Finally, get enough sleep. Take a nap when you can. Let your body rest when you are feeling overwhelmed. Even a 5 minute rest listening to peaceful music will help to reset your brain to deal with the stress.

Change is change. Change good and bad can cause stress in your body. Knowing how to take care of yourself can help to deal with the negative effects of stress. How do you take care of yourself when you are feeling stressed?

Change is constant…

Change is constant growth is optional.

Today as I was driving to work with my son I was thinking about changes. It seems like this Spring is bringing change to many people. Personally, I have a really hard time with change. I like things to be the same and to always know what is happening.

I avoided change for a long time. To keep my brain straight and life half way manageable I kept everything the same. I have been mostly under control for a while now. I have slowly been venturing out in to things that are a little scarier. I took a class to become a life coach, I have been working to get my national certification and I started a business. (I even have business cards!)

And the biggest scary thing I have done in about 20 years is I gave my notice at work. I have been lucky enough to run a small library. Honestly, it has been my dream job. It it part-time, mostly during the time the boys have been in school. Plus I get to be surrounded by books. But it is time to make a change for myself and my family.

When we choose to make changes it does help to make the changes easier to handle. However, there can still be difficulties in doing life differently. There are a few ways that you can help yourself make the transition easier.

First, remind yourself why you are making the change. When the hard part of the change comes, and it always does, reflect back on why you wanted to make this change. It can be helpful to even write down all of the reasons you choose this path in the first place. Then when it gets difficult you can read over them to remind yourself of the good things that will be coming to you.

Second, keep the rest of your routine as close to normal as possible. The more you can keep on an even keel the easier it is to accept the change in your life. If you decide to live a healthier lifestyle don’t change everything at once. Start exercising and as that becomes a habit begin to work on your food choices. Small changes you can stick to make more of a difference than large changes that don’t last.

Finally, treat yourself with kindness. The change will be difficult and at times it could be upsetting. The more you can be gentle with yourself the easier it will be to accept the difficult times. Remember that no one is perfect and that you are loved no matter what.

If you are facing change in your own life I hope these steps will help. If you are needing more help to face the changes in your life I would love to support you. Please comment below or message me and happy changing!

 

What is Self Care?

Have you heard about self care? What do you think self care is? Do you practice self care? From a lot that I read many people believe that self care is all about going to the spa, taking baths and generally pampering yourself.

I believe that is part of self care but self care is so much more. Self care is setting yourself up to take the best care of yourself. It is meal prepping so that you have healthy food to eat throughout the week. It is cleaning your house weekly so that you can feel comfortable. It is exercising even when you don’t feel like it because you know it will help you feel better. Self care is doing the hard things that you may not want to do so that you can feel better.

How did self care get so twisted around? I think it is because when people think about taking care of themselves they think of the nice things that feel good to do. Meal prepping isn’t fun but having healthy food ready for the week sets you up for success. Eating good food consistently will also help you feel better more often.

Self care is also learning what experiences or people will trigger you to feel off. When you know what may set you off you are better able to make a plan to deal with those triggers. I recently had an experience that in the past would have put me in a tailspin. Because I have been working to strengthen and understand myself I didn’t react like I would have in the past. This is part of self care.

I will never pass up a spa day but I am not going to put off taking care of myself today. Self care is more about creating a life you love. What do you consider self care that someone may not have thought of?

Spread Love and Confidence

Last week during my Thursday Facebook live I talked about having the confidence to do just one step toward your goal. When I was talking it about it I think that I made it sound like you find this confidence just laying around. But we don’t find confidence. We have to drag it up out of the belief in ourselves and the knowledge that God has put us here for a purpose.

It is scary to take a step out of what is comfortable into something new. Change is always hard and scary, especially when it is something that is important to you. But it doesn’t change anything if you hold onto the fear instead of confidence. Let the fear go through you then take the strength left and step forward.

You may have to gather your confidence every step of the way. You may feel that your little steps aren’t moving you forward but they are. It doesn’t matter how long it takes you, any step forward is a win. You may feel like you don’t have enough to offer but you do. Everyone of us has something to offer this world.

I may never be known by more than 50 people but if I have made those 50 people feel important and loved I have fulfilled my purpose here in life. It doesn’t matter how big or small my life purpose is. Fulfilling it with love is all that matters. As I do that more people feel confident in their journey. And they are able to reach out and help others.

So your little piece of confidence leads someone else to using their little piece of confidence. As we gather all of the little pieces together we can change the world.

Let’s spread love and confidence.

Hi my name is Janna…

And I am a people pleaser.

I have spent YEARS trying to make everyone happy. Twisting myself into what I thought other people wanted is what caused the majority of the anxiety. I constantly try to figure out what other people will expect and then figure out how I can meet that while I do all of the other things that people want.

I just want people to like me.

It hasn’t mattered if I like me. It hasn’t mattered if I am doing something I enjoy as long as I know the people around me like me.

I am changing.

I know that making people like me is my Achilles heel. So I pay attention to how I am reacting to people. I am reaching out more to make friends. I pulled away from everyone for a long time because it was too hard to continue to be everything to everyone. Now I am working to figure out how to be friends with people without making them like me.

I think I am doing better. I am happy to have friends over. I am learning how to do small talk. (Which is not easy for this introvert!) I follow my husband’s example with how to talk with people. I am even reaching out to people more.

The one thing I still hate to do is tell someone no.

I still try to do everything that I am asked to do. Espically when the person asking never asks for help. I want to do everything to be able to serve them. But sometimes I just have to say no. I am learning that saying no doesn’t mean the other person is going to hate me. They may be disappointed and it may cause them to have to do more work. But if it does cause them to hate me then they weren’t a real friend to begin with.

Letting someone be disappointed in me is tough. But I am learning that I am tougher. I have learned that when I do need to say no I feel the disappoint that I can’t help them. It is so important to feel my feelings. If I just push them away then they come back stronger in a panic attack. I remind myself that I am still a good person even if I couldn’t help them. I remind myself that they are not angry with me although they may be disappointed. But I am not responsible for how they feel, I can’t control their feelings. If the feelings are very strong I will journal them to get them out. Then I go and do something else to get my mind off the disappointment.

If you are a people pleaser I challenge you to step back just a little bit. (I was going to challenge you to go say no to someone but that may be too big of a challenge to start with.) Let your kids do something for themselves, don’t answer that text as soon as it comes in, take 5 minutes just to breathe and collect yourself before heading in to work. Taking tiny steps back from people pleasing will help you to take better care of yourself.

I would love to hear what you did today to take a step back from people pleasing!

Be Kind

I saw this meme on my Facebook feed today and I have to share it! I have to share it because I know that I am not always gentle and kind to myself. I say things to myself that I would never say to other people. Are you the same way?

I shared on a live yesterday how I have been down the last few days. Nothing in particular just not feeling the best. When this happens I automatically start judging myself and trying to figure out why I feel bad. I am going to tell you a secret though. Sometimes we just feel bad. There isn’t a reason and there isn’t anything we need to fix to “make it better”. Sometimes you just have to ride out the storm.

The one thing not to do is to start judging yourself for how you are feeling. This is where I run into problems. When I start feeling bad and I can’t figure out why I start putting myself down. My go to negative thought, “You have a wonderful life why do you feel down? You don’t have any right to feel down. There are people who have really hard lives nothing like yours.” It is true that there are people who have to live through horrible things but this isn’t a contest. It is depression and sometimes it breaks through all of the things I do to take care of myself. And sometimes it is just a bad day and I feel down.

When I talk down to myself it makes the downward spiral even worse. It makes what would have been a bad day into something much worse.

All of this to say, Please just be kind to yourself. Love who you are right now. Reach out for help when you need it. More people are struggling than you think, you don’t have to be perfect.

Word of the year

Do you make a word or intention for the year? I have seen this idea grow more popular over the last few years. This year is the first time that I have decided to choose just one word to focus on for the year. Before this year it kind of seemed silly. Why choose one word to focus on?

I know that just 3 weeks into the new year my year has helped to focus my mind, not get overwhelmed and gotten me excited about prospects over the year. My word for the year is create. Have the word create as my focus this year has helped me to realize that I don’t have control of the outcome but I can create a space for good things to happen.

Starting a business, raising a family and serving in my church I can often get overwhelmed with making things happen. But I can’t control other people. I can’t make my kids do what I want them to do. I can’t make people grow their belief in God. But I can create a home where it is easier for my kids to accomplish their goals. In church I can create a safe place for teenagers to explore their faith without judgement or worry. Focusing on creating space that people can explore what is important to them takes the pressure off me to make things perfect for them.

Having a word has helped me to focus my mind. I never ever wanted to start a business. It was too scary to think about, there are too many things I don’t know. But I do know that I can help people, I know that the things I have gone through will help others. Building a business takes time, having a word to remind me that I am creating a place for people to grow and change reminds me of why I started this business.

Finally, focusing on creation gets me excited for all that is possible. There are so many things I want to make, do and share. I love to remind myself that creation is a process and I don’t have to have it all figured out right now. Focusing on building instead of having it all figured out makes the process much more fun.

Is there an idea or feeling that has been calling to you? Is there something that has been on your mind to do or finish? I would love to help you create a way to accomplish your idea. Comment or message me I would love to work with you.

What does healthy mean?

The topic this time of year is all about goals and since this year is 2020 everyone is using 20/20 vision as their metaphor for goals. Well I am going to steal it too, because if you don’t know where you are going with your goals it is impossible to get there. That is why 20/20 vision for your goals is so important.

Last week I was talking to my trainer about a healthy goal. I know your goals need to be S.M.A.R.T. to be more achievable. But when I try to think of healthy goals the only measurable thing I can think of is my weight. Weight shows how healthy you are right? (I know this isn’t true but in my mind I think if I’m losing weight I am doing all of the healthy things.)

The only problem with using weight as my marker is that I start to obsess about everything. I obsess about what I eat, how much I workout and how much water I drink. Then because I am obsessing about all of this I get mad and rebel because I really want my head to be filled with more than just what I “can” eat.

So I asked Teri what I can do to set a healthy goal. Her simple question was genius, “What does healthy do?” This is perfect because it is about more than weight. For me healthy means I get at least 8000 steps in each day. Healthy means I eat 4 servings of vegetables each day. Healthy means that I don’t worry so much about what I am eating that day. The first two are measurable I can count if I have done them. (The last one I am still figuring out how to make it measurable.)

The point is sometimes you need to look at your goal in another way to take some of the pressure off yourself. I am never going to look like Jillian Micheals but I can make healthy habits that allow me to live the type of life I want.

Are you stuck on a goal? How can you look at if differently to bring back some excitement? If you need some help comment below or message me, I would love to help you rethink your goal.