Category: anxiety

What is Your Focus?

 

I got new glasses last year. I have been using reading glasses for a few years but this year I took the plunge and got old lady glasses. Yep progressive lenses, this way I can read all the time not just when I have my reading glasses with me.

This got me to thinking about the things that I focus on. Have you noticed that the things you focus on seem to get bigger? This is especially true with negative thoughts. Once the thought comes into my head that something is scary it just starts growing and growing. Pretty soon everything I think about is now focused in fear.

What about when you decided to start making healthier food choices? Soon all you can see are the treats that you want to eat. Or that the lunch you made can’t be as good as a drive thru burger.

What happens if you decide to change the focus of your thoughts? Instead of focusing on the thought that everything is scary I can be truthful with myself that what I am trying may be scary but it is something that I choose to do. Or the drive thru thought, if I change my focus to looking at how I feel when I get that drive thru burger or how I feel when I eat the lunch I made making the choice may not seem like I am losing out on something yummy.

I know that I make it sound so simple: Just change your thoughts! The truth is it is simple but it isn’t easy. It takes work everyday to change the focus of your thoughts. The good news is that it is like a muscle. The more that you practice changing your thoughts the easier it gets to focus on the good things in your life.

If you need help with a specific thought that has been bothering you please contact me. I would love to help you learn how to change that thought.

PS Yes I really do have my Christmas decorations still up!

When to volunteer…

The years during the worst of the anxiety I quit doing anything that didn’t have to do with my job, my family or my church. I stayed home where I was “safe” and didn’t need to expend extra energy. Because I didn’t have the extra energy to spare.

The last few years I have been adding in some extra things that I cut out. Because I want to and also because I know it is important to keep stretching myself to do hard things. The one area I am still struggling with is doing thing I know are good but I don’t want to do.

My son is a Senior this year. (Que the tears!) There is a fundraiser this weekend for the Senior Grad Party. I know they need help because I just looked at the sign up sheet. And the purpose of the Grad Night Party is a good one, to keep kids from drinking. But I just don’t want to go. Is that enough of a reason not to go?

Sometimes I think it is. I have learned to check my schedule and make sure that I am not over-committing myself. When I do over schedule I get run down and anxiety attacks are more prone to happen. This week is a little busy but not out of the ordinary.

I also check to see if the event is going to be emotionally draining. Honestly, I don’t think that I will volunteer to help the night of the Grad Party. It is an all night party and I do not do well with sleep deprivation. So this is something I can help with to make the Party a success.

This is how I make decisions. Often writing it out like this to help myself see what I am feeling. Many times I just think I don’t want to do something but I am not sure of why. When I am able to write it out I see what is actually going on in my mind. I signed up to help because it is something that I can do.

How do you make decisions about how you will use your time?

Dealing with Travel Anxiety

A few weeks ago I flew to Palm Springs to attend my sister’s wedding. I was excited to see her and my family and to have some sunshine during a very gloomy few weeks here in Idaho. One thing I knew I would have to deal with is travel anxiety. It has been a long time since I flew and even longer since I did it by myself. I was nervous about being on my own but over the weekend I came up with a few tips to help myself and hopefully others when traveling.

One of the most important things to remember about anxiety is that no one else knows you are nervous. Although it feels like the anxiety is shooting out of your body and everyone should be able to tell you are freaking out they really can’t tell. My family are the only ones that have an idea that I am having an anxiety attack. So don’t worry about what other’s may be thinking, it really doesn’t matter anyway.

As much as you can while you are traveling get in some movement. If you have time between flights walk around. Being able to move your body will help to work some of the nervousness out. Plus it is good for you and helps when you have to sit for long periods of time in cramped space.

I always bring way too many things with me to “work on”. I have finally gotten a smaller purse that I can’t carry books and my lunch in. But when I travel I carry a lot of stuff. I have a notebook for writing down thoughts I want to get out of my head. I bring a project I am working on, usually a crochet project. The repetitive motion helps to calm me and I have something besides my own thoughts to occupy me. I always have lotion and essential oils with me. My favorite right now it tangerine. You can see why I usually carry a big purse. Oh and of course something to read. Having a Kindle has drastically reduced the size of my bag.

Finally, when I have gone on long trips I have brought notes with me. I have notes from family and friends that I bring to remind myself that I am loved and that I don’t need to believe the negative thoughts. If you need a letter like this please message me. I would love to send you a letter to help strength you.

The trip was wonderful. The wedding was beautiful. I was able to enjoy myself and I made every flight I needed to. Although it is scary to do something out of my normal routine it is good for me too. It reminds me that anxiety doesn’t control me.

Change is Change

Change is change and change is hard. Even when you choose a change it can still be hard to handle all of the emotions that come along with the change. I decided last month that it was time for me to change. So I am leaving a job I have had for almost 19 years, starting a business, and looking for a new job. All of these are choices that I have made and changes that I want but I have noticed that in some ways I have not been handling the changes very well.

I decided that I didn’t want to keep going down this road of stressing about what was coming and instead to take back control of my life and emotions.

One of my favorite ways to take back control is to make lists. I love lists because I can see everything that I need to do. I had a friend tell me yesterday that she calls her agenda her stress agenda. She calls it this because it has everything in it she is stressed about so then she doesn’t need to think about it anymore. I have started calling my list my own stress agenda. Writing things down gets it out of my head and it doesn’t keep circling and making me worry more.

Another tool you can use is to talk to someone you trust. My son and I were talking the other day about what was bothering him. He knew what he needed to tell himself to deal with the stress but he just needed a sounding board to get the feelings out. Sometimes just getting the words out gets the stress out of your mind. You are then able to move forward with whatever you need to do.

Taking care of yourself physically is also important when you are under stress. Sugar and caffeine can make your body bounce between high and low energy throughout the day. This can make it more difficult to deal with stress because your emotions are all over the place. As much as I would rather eat chocolate I know that when I am struggling it is the time to nourish my body with good food. I am not 100% at this but I am getting better. I can definitely feel a difference when I am eating good food because my body feels better.

Remember that stress is just a feeling. You can let it come and go quickly through your body. Today I caught myself saying I am so stressed. I stopped and told myself, I am feeling stress and it will pass. I was able to let the stress pass through me instead of holding on to it. Just because you are feeling something doesn’t mean you have to keep holding on to it. Hold on to the positive feelings and let the negative ones pass through your body.

Finally, get enough sleep. Take a nap when you can. Let your body rest when you are feeling overwhelmed. Even a 5 minute rest listening to peaceful music will help to reset your brain to deal with the stress.

Change is change. Change good and bad can cause stress in your body. Knowing how to take care of yourself can help to deal with the negative effects of stress. How do you take care of yourself when you are feeling stressed?

Teens Need Our Help

Our youth are being bombarded with more stress and trauma than at any other time in history. When I was a kid I was bullied but I was able to go home and be safe. Now with cyber-bullying they can’t get away from the bullies. When I was a kid, school and work place shootings were a rarity. Now schools have school shooting drills. When I was a kid pornography was something in magazines you had to be brave enough to buy. Now pornography can be found with a few simple clicks of the mouse.

Our children are facing all of this and more daily but I feel that we are not giving them the tools they need to succeed. Teen suicide rates are increasing but we are too afraid to talk about it. The mentality still is that if we mention suicide people will be more likely to die by suicide. This isn’t true. When I was a Crisis Text line counselor we were taught to ask every texter if they were thinking about suicide. We need to be more comfortable talking about suicide.

As I listed earlier our youth are dealing with things that we never had to handle. They need our help. We need to be more comfortable talking about mental health. Our kids don’t know how to get through hard times. We need to be more comfortable letting our kids be uncomfortable. They need to know that they are strong enough to handle hard times. They need to be given the skills to get through the hard things.

They need to know that it is OK to ask for help. Too often as kids we see adults as being perfect and not having any problems. Kids need to know that we struggle, get help and become stronger. We don’t need to burden them with every bit of our struggle but when they see us seeking help it is easier for them to ask for help.

Our youth need us to listen to them. They need to know that they are important and that they matter. If you are a teen or a parent of a teen needing help I will be putting together a class to help strengthen teens, Comment below or message me and I will keep you updated on the class.

Change is constant…

Change is constant growth is optional.

Today as I was driving to work with my son I was thinking about changes. It seems like this Spring is bringing change to many people. Personally, I have a really hard time with change. I like things to be the same and to always know what is happening.

I avoided change for a long time. To keep my brain straight and life half way manageable I kept everything the same. I have been mostly under control for a while now. I have slowly been venturing out in to things that are a little scarier. I took a class to become a life coach, I have been working to get my national certification and I started a business. (I even have business cards!)

And the biggest scary thing I have done in about 20 years is I gave my notice at work. I have been lucky enough to run a small library. Honestly, it has been my dream job. It it part-time, mostly during the time the boys have been in school. Plus I get to be surrounded by books. But it is time to make a change for myself and my family.

When we choose to make changes it does help to make the changes easier to handle. However, there can still be difficulties in doing life differently. There are a few ways that you can help yourself make the transition easier.

First, remind yourself why you are making the change. When the hard part of the change comes, and it always does, reflect back on why you wanted to make this change. It can be helpful to even write down all of the reasons you choose this path in the first place. Then when it gets difficult you can read over them to remind yourself of the good things that will be coming to you.

Second, keep the rest of your routine as close to normal as possible. The more you can keep on an even keel the easier it is to accept the change in your life. If you decide to live a healthier lifestyle don’t change everything at once. Start exercising and as that becomes a habit begin to work on your food choices. Small changes you can stick to make more of a difference than large changes that don’t last.

Finally, treat yourself with kindness. The change will be difficult and at times it could be upsetting. The more you can be gentle with yourself the easier it will be to accept the difficult times. Remember that no one is perfect and that you are loved no matter what.

If you are facing change in your own life I hope these steps will help. If you are needing more help to face the changes in your life I would love to support you. Please comment below or message me and happy changing!

 

What is Self Care?

Have you heard about self care? What do you think self care is? Do you practice self care? From a lot that I read many people believe that self care is all about going to the spa, taking baths and generally pampering yourself.

I believe that is part of self care but self care is so much more. Self care is setting yourself up to take the best care of yourself. It is meal prepping so that you have healthy food to eat throughout the week. It is cleaning your house weekly so that you can feel comfortable. It is exercising even when you don’t feel like it because you know it will help you feel better. Self care is doing the hard things that you may not want to do so that you can feel better.

How did self care get so twisted around? I think it is because when people think about taking care of themselves they think of the nice things that feel good to do. Meal prepping isn’t fun but having healthy food ready for the week sets you up for success. Eating good food consistently will also help you feel better more often.

Self care is also learning what experiences or people will trigger you to feel off. When you know what may set you off you are better able to make a plan to deal with those triggers. I recently had an experience that in the past would have put me in a tailspin. Because I have been working to strengthen and understand myself I didn’t react like I would have in the past. This is part of self care.

I will never pass up a spa day but I am not going to put off taking care of myself today. Self care is more about creating a life you love. What do you consider self care that someone may not have thought of?

When to Stop.

I have been obsessed with people pleasing lately. Not so much doing it but trying to figure out why making other people happy is so important to me. Sometimes my brain gets like this, I get hyper-focused on one thing. Honestly, it is crazy annoying.

I love to figure out why and how. I love to know why I do the things I do. And I love to know how to fix the things I don’t like that I do.  That is why I focus so much on my thoughts because I know that when I do I can catch an anxiety attack before it happens. Because I pay close attention to myself I know how to combat the anxiety.

But at times all of this attention backfires and I really start annoying myself. Because I have been hyper-focused on people pleasing, I have been trying to figure out how to stop it. So then I pay really close attention to how I am interacting with other people. Am I doing this to make them happy? How are they reacting? Do they look happy? How do I know when she is happy with what I do? How will she react? What are they thinking about me?

Right now I just need to stop. All of the focus is just making me more annoyed and more focused on people pleasing. Most of the time I know that focusing on my thoughts helps me to stop the crazy. But this time I think the focus is making more crazy. Sometimes just stopping the thought makes more of a difference.

From now on when it comes to people pleasing I am done trying to figure it all out. When the thoughts come I am going to shut them down. Maybe less focus will make the issue smaller.

Hi my name is Janna…

And I am a people pleaser.

I have spent YEARS trying to make everyone happy. Twisting myself into what I thought other people wanted is what caused the majority of the anxiety. I constantly try to figure out what other people will expect and then figure out how I can meet that while I do all of the other things that people want.

I just want people to like me.

It hasn’t mattered if I like me. It hasn’t mattered if I am doing something I enjoy as long as I know the people around me like me.

I am changing.

I know that making people like me is my Achilles heel. So I pay attention to how I am reacting to people. I am reaching out more to make friends. I pulled away from everyone for a long time because it was too hard to continue to be everything to everyone. Now I am working to figure out how to be friends with people without making them like me.

I think I am doing better. I am happy to have friends over. I am learning how to do small talk. (Which is not easy for this introvert!) I follow my husband’s example with how to talk with people. I am even reaching out to people more.

The one thing I still hate to do is tell someone no.

I still try to do everything that I am asked to do. Espically when the person asking never asks for help. I want to do everything to be able to serve them. But sometimes I just have to say no. I am learning that saying no doesn’t mean the other person is going to hate me. They may be disappointed and it may cause them to have to do more work. But if it does cause them to hate me then they weren’t a real friend to begin with.

Letting someone be disappointed in me is tough. But I am learning that I am tougher. I have learned that when I do need to say no I feel the disappoint that I can’t help them. It is so important to feel my feelings. If I just push them away then they come back stronger in a panic attack. I remind myself that I am still a good person even if I couldn’t help them. I remind myself that they are not angry with me although they may be disappointed. But I am not responsible for how they feel, I can’t control their feelings. If the feelings are very strong I will journal them to get them out. Then I go and do something else to get my mind off the disappointment.

If you are a people pleaser I challenge you to step back just a little bit. (I was going to challenge you to go say no to someone but that may be too big of a challenge to start with.) Let your kids do something for themselves, don’t answer that text as soon as it comes in, take 5 minutes just to breathe and collect yourself before heading in to work. Taking tiny steps back from people pleasing will help you to take better care of yourself.

I would love to hear what you did today to take a step back from people pleasing!

Be Kind

I saw this meme on my Facebook feed today and I have to share it! I have to share it because I know that I am not always gentle and kind to myself. I say things to myself that I would never say to other people. Are you the same way?

I shared on a live yesterday how I have been down the last few days. Nothing in particular just not feeling the best. When this happens I automatically start judging myself and trying to figure out why I feel bad. I am going to tell you a secret though. Sometimes we just feel bad. There isn’t a reason and there isn’t anything we need to fix to “make it better”. Sometimes you just have to ride out the storm.

The one thing not to do is to start judging yourself for how you are feeling. This is where I run into problems. When I start feeling bad and I can’t figure out why I start putting myself down. My go to negative thought, “You have a wonderful life why do you feel down? You don’t have any right to feel down. There are people who have really hard lives nothing like yours.” It is true that there are people who have to live through horrible things but this isn’t a contest. It is depression and sometimes it breaks through all of the things I do to take care of myself. And sometimes it is just a bad day and I feel down.

When I talk down to myself it makes the downward spiral even worse. It makes what would have been a bad day into something much worse.

All of this to say, Please just be kind to yourself. Love who you are right now. Reach out for help when you need it. More people are struggling than you think, you don’t have to be perfect.