Author: Janna

I am a wife, mother, librarian and lover of learning new things. Amazing and Terrifying is all about my journey in this world. My purpose is to help as many people as I can choose and live the life that they want. Thank you for visiting!

How do you want to boss yourself?

I was listening to a podcast about building a business, unfortunately I don’t remember which podcast it was, but the guest was talking about being the boss. She was referencing how we often treat other people differently than we treat ourselves. She asked, “How do you want to boss yourself?”

I have been thinking about this question for weeks. I think this has applications to so much more than just business. How do you want to boss yourself when it comes to your goals? How do you want to boss yourself when it comes to family traditions? How do you want to boss yourself when it comes to your mental health?

I know that I give other people so much more grace than I give myself. If I am struggling with something I am hard on myself. I feel that I must figure things out right away and then do that thing perfectly. As Jeffery Holland has said, “Except for Jesus, there have been no flawless performances on this earthly journey we are pursuing, so while in morality let’s strive for steady improvement without obsessing over what behavioral scientists call ‘toxic perfectionism.'”

Toxic perfectionism is when we get so wound up in being perfect we forget why we are trying to make the change in the first place. It is easy to think that we want perfection or nothing. However, when we have this mindset any roadblock becomes more than we can handle. Instead of an experience to learn from it becomes a failure that we are stuck to.

As we come to the beginning of a new year it is a common time to set goals. Then if we start to falter from those goals we beat ourselves up for not doing better. When this negative self talk begins ask yourself, “Would I talk like this to my best friend?” If not it is time to stop talking like that to yourself. You can be honest without tearing yourself apart. You can evaluate your performance honestly while giving yourself grace. I encourage you to ask yourself, “How do I want to boss myself.” Then make needed changes if you aren’t bossing yourself like you would someone else.

I hope that as you go into this new year you will give yourself grace. I hope that you will let yourself fail and learn from it. I hope that you will love yourself enough to not need to be perfect.

Happy New Year! Here is to 2020!

Be Comfortable with being Uncomfortable

 

I have been thinking about the importance of being uncomfortable. I wrote about this last week, to conquer anxiety you have to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. It is too easy to think that to keep the anxiety at bay you have to keep yourself safe. It is better to just stay where you know nothing bad is ever going to happen.

I have been trying something different this week. I have been putting myself in situations that are uncomfortable. Monday night I drove my husband around on some errands. I know this doesn’t sound that uncomfortable but I never drive when my husband is in the car. I don’t love driving and I worry too much about what people are thinking.

We had a family dinner on Sunday. I often get overwhelmed and leave early when in a big group. There are just too many different things happening. On Sunday I did my best to communicate and enjoy my time with family. Even though it was uncomfortable I tried to focus on making memories.

Why am I trying to put myself in situations that are uncomfortable? Because I think this is my next step in combating anxiety. I am tired of being safe just so that I don’t have an anxiety attack. Being uncomfortable helps me to see that I won’t die. Even though I may have some anxiety I am learning that I have control over it. I have learned that anxiety can’t destroy me so it no longer has as much control over me.

I am on a mission to make myself uncomfortable!

Merry Christmas

I am grateful for each of you for joining me in this journey. I pray that you have a Christmas that will bring love, peace and joy to your life and to your family.

If you are struggling during this time please reach out. Know that there are people that are concerned for you and want you to be healthy and happy. This time of year can be difficult as we feel we “must” be happy. I know that Christ is there to lift you and guide you.

If there is anything I can do to help please reach out.

Be Uncomfortable

I am always on the look out for new ways to deal with anxiety. I hate the anxious uncomfortable feeling that comes when I am doing something new or difficult. I want to find the magic cure that will make it so I never have to feel that way again. I think I have finally found it!

The cure? Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. There is a new book out called “Needing to know for sure”. In this book the authors discuss how to get out of the loop of always checking on things or always having to do more research before you make a decision. Basically they are teaching how to stop the anxiety cycle.

I have not read the book yet but I am excited to find out more. They have a four step process for dealing with anxiety. The second step is to embrace the feeling of uncertainty. For most of my life I have been trying to figure out how to calm the feeling of uncertainty. I want to feel confident and unafraid. As a child I would get so scared when my parents were gone I would make all of my siblings go to the neighbors house, often late at night, just so I could be reassured by an adult. (Everyone had to come so that nothing bad would happen to the ones left at home.)

During the worst of the anxiety I would call my husband at least once a day so that I could get reassurance from him that everything is OK. I wanted him to calm me down so that I didn’t have to keep feeling so uncomfortable. And it would work for a little bit but then something else would happen and I would need to check in with someone to calm me down.

Seeking for constant reassurance actually increases the need to seek for reassurance. Because you feel calmer for a little while your brain convinces you that seeking for help is the only way to calm yourself. That is why step two of this program is so important. Learning to be uncomfortable for a little while actually decreases the number of panic attacks faster than seeking reassurance.

In this new book they teach that getting comfortable with being uncomfortable is a key to moving forward with anxiety. Going forward even though you feel scared teaches the brain that there isn’t anything to be afraid of. The brain can’t tell the differences between a true threat and one that we imagine. That is why when we feel afraid the gut reaction is to run. That is why we seek reassurance.

However, when the threat is not actually something that will kill us we have to learn how to feel the fear. To do this acknowledge to yourself that you are feeling afraid or uncomfortable. You don’t have to pretend you are feeling fine when you aren’t. As you know I love lists so I make a list of why I am feeling afraid. I love to write the list down because it helps me get it out of my head instead of dwelling on it.

Then I announce, sometimes out loud, that I am afraid but I don’t care I am going to do this thing anyway. Then I remind myself that I have survived every panic attack I have had and this time will not be different. I may not like the way it feels but I can survive it so bring it on. Then I get busy. I do something to distract my brain, especially, if what I had been worrying about was a made up stress scenario.

I am not very good at feeling the fear yet. I have been stress eating to distract myself from the fear. But I have been trying. Will join me in feeling the fear?

Practice with a Purpose

Last week at my piano lesson my teacher was explaining how I should practice. She said that I should not just play through a song hoping I would figure out the parts I was struggling with. Instead, I should practice with a purpose. Meaning that I should find the parts I’m struggling with and work on those either until I get them or I get too frustrated. Then move on to the next part I need to work on.

She said that when you practice with a purpose you progress faster and you more easily learn to play a song. I have been thinking about this advice for the last few days. I know that there are times in life where I just coast through life hoping that I figure it all out. I keep thinking I will work on that tomorrow. I will understand this better latter. The problem is I never really work on that thing I want to figure out.

When I take the time to “practice with a purpose” I more quickly figure out what I have been struggling with. As I have explained before I have struggled with anxiety throughout my life. The last few years I have learned tricks and solutions that have helped my overcome most of the anxiety. However, the last few weeks the anxiety has been flaring up again. The tricks and tips I have been using in the past weren’t working.

Today as I was working to calm myself down I realized I needed to think about the anxiety in a different way. I have always thought of the anxiety as something to control or get over. Instead, I decided that it was something I would need to get comfortable with for the next few months. I am choosing to make changes and try new things in my life and this will trigger the anxiety. Instead of stepping back from my goals I am going to live with the anxiety and use it as a sign that I am moving in the direction I choose.

I stopped just moving through my day and decided to “practice with a purpose” by understanding what was causing the anxiety to flare. Then choosing to live with the anxiety and not to let it control me. How can you use the “practice with a purpose” idea in your own life? I would love to hear your ideas. Please share them with me here.

Mindset – Scarcity or Abundance?

When my husband and I were first married we lived 9 miles away from the closest grocery store. And it was a small grocery store. We were 26 miles away from the closest Walmart. It took at least 20 minutes to drive round trip, to the little grocery store, if I forgot anything. To make sure I always had all of the groceries I might need I made a weekly list, I checked the staples to see if we were running low. I checked and rechecked to make sure that we had everything we may need for the week. My sister laughed at me whenever she came to visit because our fridge was always packed.

Fast forward almost 20 years. We now live within 3 miles of 2 different Walmart’s. I still make the weekly grocery list and I still worry trying to decide if we need more milk or if it will run out before the next grocery trip. Will I have enough eggs or should I get more?

What does this have to do with mindset? Just like I get stressed about making sure I have enough groceries I don’t always recognize the talents and abilities I have. Instead of focusing on all of the great things I can do I hyper focus on the things I don’t know how to do. I worry that there isn’t enough for me.

I having been learning about the abundance mindset. This is where you believe that there is enough for everyone. There is enough wealth, happiness and respect for everyone. Just like I don’t have to worry and stress about having enough groceries, believing that there is enough for everyone makes a huge difference.

So how do you change your mindset to focus on what is available instead of what you are lacking? One thing is to practice gratitude. Having just come through the Thanksgiving season I have tried to remain focused on all of the wonderful blessings I have been given. Focusing on the things, people and places we are grateful for helps shift our mindset to abundance and opportunity instead of focusing on all the things we lack.

Another way to change your mindset is to focus on growth. Instead of staying where you are find ways to grow your mind, talents or experiences. You can start a hobby just to learn something new. Listen to a podcast or read a book that stretches your mind to the possibilities of life. I personally love David Goggins and the things he teaches. He challenges me mind and my way of thinking.

Being open to trying new things is another way to help yourself grow. This one is probably the hardest for me. I love my world and I love things to be predictable. But there isn’t growth in staying the same. There isn’t a chance to learn if I never try something new. The stimulation that you get from the fear of trying something new helps to propel you forward.

Always being focused on what you are missing only amplifies all of the things you don’t have. To truly grow and change focus on all the possibilities and opportunities you have in your life. And try something scary.

Minimalism and Thoughts

People are getting rid of stuff! There are more books coming out about the minimalist lifestyle. (Which I think is kind of ironic.) Less is more seems to be the mantra.

As I have been thinking about this it of course leads me to the idea of getting rid of beliefs that don’t serve you. The belief that you aren’t good enough. The belief that you have to be perfect. The belief that no one would like the “real” you. You know the one that you don’t show to people because it is too scary. Any negative belief that isn’t helping you to live a positive life.

I was reading “Bouncing Back from Rejection” last night. The author of the preface mentioned that our brains are not wired for positive thoughts. Our brains are wired to find the negative because that is what kept us alive. We had to find what might kill us quickly. We had to be able to identify what may get us kicked out of the tribe before we got kicked out.

We don’t have to be so focused on the negative anymore. So how do we change the way we think? First off, we have to know what we are thinking about. If we don’t pay attention to our thoughts we can’t change them. Our brains are always working to make sense of the world. It is interpreting data as we go about our day, that is how we can drive to work without remembering how we got there.

If we let our brain drive us it will seek out all of the negative. When we start paying attention to our thoughts we are able to better control them. Once you start paying attention to what you are thinking about you can then tell your thoughts where to go.

I remember a saying from Brigham Young, “If you have a negative thought about yourself tell it to go to hell, because that is exactly where it came from.” Although this is funny it is true. When we have those negative thoughts they need to be kicked out. Challenge the thought; is it true? Does it describe what really happened? How do I know that it is true?

Once you have challenged the thought it is time to re-frame it. If it is completely false you toss out the thought. If part of the thought is true you rewrite it in your mind. I did say something rude to my mom but I apologized and we worked through it. I am not going to worry about it anymore.

After you rewrite the thought or you are ready to toss it out, you need to replace it by focusing on something else. If you simply rewrite the thought and don’t replace it with something else you will continue to focus on that thought. You can use a saying, a mantra, song lyrics or a scripture to distract yourself from the negative thought. This way it has less power over you and you can move on.

As you continue through these steps each day it gets easier. You will more quickly focus on the positive. And you will be able to accomplish the goals you have set in your life. If you would like more focused help on changing your thoughts please contact me here. I would love to work with you.

 

Yes is the worst answer

My son tried out for a school musical a few weeks ago. He has not been in choir and had never been in a play before. I knew he was a little nervous so I asked him how he was feeling. He said, “Well, the worst that they can tell me is yes.” It took me a minute to realize what it was he had said.

Usually, people think the worst that they can be told is no. But he had but a twist on it. He wasn’t invested in the outcome because it was something fun that he was trying out so no wasn’t horrible.

I have been thinking about this for weeks. So many times I get so stressed because I don’t want to be told no. I just know that no will mean that I failed. If I am told no then I am not good enough. But when we take the emotion out of the no there is so much less to be worried about.

Instead of looking at no as a failure we can look at it as the next step. We can see that this may not be the best answer for us and move on to the next step. We can use the no to power us on to the next step. Maybe yes really is the worst thing we can hear.

Faith to be Healed

Thanksgiving was a much needed break and time with family. The only downside was coming home with a head cold. Unlike all of the memes that you see about how strong women are when they are sick and how wimpy men are, my house is the opposite. I am a horrible sick person, I am whinny and don’t want to do anything.

To help cut down on the length of the cold I took some NyQuil last night. I hoped that sleeping would give me an edge over the cold. The only bad thing is I am a lightweight when it comes to medicine. I don’t take a lot of medicine so when I do it knocks me for a loop.

I slept well last night but I had some really weird dreams! At one point I remember thinking that if I had faith then God could cure me of this cold in an instant. For the next I don’t know how long I prayed that I would be healed and I thought about what having faith meant.

Did I still have faith even if I woke up still sick? Did I have faith if I wasn’t cured right away? I am still not sure of those answers. I am still sick but I have seen tender mercies that show that Heavenly Father is still watching over me. My husband suggested medicine that would help deal with the symptoms. It has worked great and has helped me to be able to think more clearly.

My son went the extra mile this morning and I was able to get the kitchen cleaned. I don’t know about you but having a clean kitchen always makes me feel better. Probably because I spend so much time there.

So I haven’t been healed of the cold but I have seen that the Lord is watching out for me. Maybe being healed means more than just getting over a cold. What do you think? What does having faith mean to you even if you don’t get what it is you’re praying for? How do you continue to have faith in God when you don’t see the blessing you are wanting? I would love to hear your thoughts.

What is My Job?

 

Quick reminder: You are not responsible to make other people happy. It is not your job to make other people feel comfortable. You do not need to be on high alert to be sure that no one says something to offend someone else.

Sometimes we take so much responsiblity on ourselves to make sure that everyone is happy. I have done this most of my life. But when the anxiety become overwhelming the need to control everything really kicked in.

I had to be sure that everyone around me was happy. I had to be sure that no one was mad. Especially not mad at me. But I had to be on high gear to make sure that no one offended someone else. And if that did happen then I had to fix it.

Guess what? That is exhausting! And it is not my job. It is not up to me to make everyone happy. Not even Disneyland can do that! It took me a long time to learn that lesson. It has taken me even longer to learn how to have boundaries.

It is ok to not be responsible for other people’s feelings. In fact it makes socailizing so much more fun. It takes so much less energy for me to be around people now. I don’t have to spend so much time worrying.

Life is hard enough. Take making other people happy off of your responsibility list. Then you can truly enjoy being around people and getting to know them.