Today’s post is short because we are hanging out at the BSU football game. Go Broncos! (And I’m writing this on my phone.)
Confidence for me means choosing what is good for me instead of feeding my fears. I eat way too much garbage because “it makes me feel better”.
Today because I’m focusing on confidence on said no to the candy at the grocery store.
Day 5 is believing in yourself enough to make good choices.
Today isn’t so much about what I learned but more about what I practiced.
My brain is very good at going downhill when I think I have done something wrong. And I am very good at putting myself down when that happens.
A little background. Last year I bought a VW Beetle from my mom. I love my little car but the lights stay on when you turn it off. And the car doesn’t beep at you when you leave. (Those Germans don’t think for you!) Because of that I have left the car lights on a few times and killed the battery.
Also, you need to know how we park our cars. (I promise there is a reason for telling you this.) We have my hubby’s police car in the garage with our newer SUV. The bug is parked behind the SUV. This works out well because we usually only drive the SUV on the weekends when we need space for all of us to ride together.
Last night I left the lights on in the bug. This morning when my hubby was going to work at the Temple Open House. He was taking the SUV and needed to move the bug. Since I left the lights on the battery was dead and he couldn’t move it. He got the battery charger on it and all was well. All was well after, he pushed the bug out of the way, got the SUV out of the garage and then pushed the bug back into the driveway. All while dressed in his suit.
At this point I am starting downhill feeling really bad about myself because I am so dumb. How hard is it really to remember to turn the lights off? Why can’t I just use my clothes pin? (I came up with a great idea to clip a clothes pin on my keys when I turn the lights on. That way I remember to turn the lights off when I take my keys out of the ignition.) I am sure that my hubby is so upset with me. He is going to be late and it is all my fault.
Practicing confidence has made a difference though! When I realized where my mind was going I yelled out stop (only in my brain it was still earlier and I really didn’t need to scare anyone.) I thanked my hubby for taking care of my car, again. Apologized for making him late. Then I stopped thinking about it.
There wasn’t anything I could do at that point to change what had happened. Letting my mind go downhill was just hurting me in this moment. And maybe my hubby because going downhill also involves me pulling away from the people I care about. I decided to start using the clothes pin again. And then I forgave myself for making a mistake.
Because that is all it was a simple mistake. (That I luckily usually make at home so I’m not stuck somewhere!)
Day 4, remember we all make mistakes. Don’t let your brain take you downhill when you make one.
My mom gave me some advice today about gaining confidence. First, become a widow and travel overseas. The travel overseas part I am all for! Becoming a widow not so much.
Then she told me we are all working on stuff so you don’t need to pressure yourself. Besides if you were confident about everything you would be arrogant and annoying and no one wants to be around that. That one made me laugh. I don’t think I will ever be confident about everything so I should be ok!
But she had two really good points. Sometimes we just need to do hard things to become more confident. I believe that confidence is like a muscle the more we use it and exercise it the bigger it becomes. That is why I am doing this 30 day challenge!
The second thing she reminded me about was to relax. We are all working on different things and probably will be the rest of our lives. So there really isn’t a reason to become stressed out about the changes we want to have happen.
When I was getting my brain back from the anxiety I realized that I had a choice when stress and anxiety came calling. I could either get upset and angry that I was having ANOTHER anxiety attack or I could relax into it. When I started to relax and let life happen the anxiety would go away.
Finally, my mom reminded me to have a sense of humor. Life is too short to be serious about everything. Take some time to laugh and enjoy all of the blessings you have.
Confidence day 3 is a mess of different things but mostly just relax and enjoy life!
Me scrolling through Facebook:
Oh look her hair is so cute I wish I could do that with my hair.
Those school treats are so original. I wish I could think of something like that.
Wow she is totally killing it with her business I will never be that good.
Why would anyone ever post something like that. They should be so embarrassed. At least I have never done that!
She is so skinny. I will never be skinny like that.
I spend way too much time comparing myself to other people. Doing these comparisons is killing my confidence. I either don’t measure up or I feel guilty for looking down on someone else. (As I should I really don’t like the judgy side of myself.)
I am working to tame this constant comparing. Just the other day I was reminded that I am a child of God. One thing I remembered today is that so is everyone else. Heavenly Father has given all of us different talents and abilities. I didn’t get the artistic gene from my mom. But I do have other talents. None of which are better or worse than being able to paint. It is just different.
Today on Facebook this has been my attitude:
Oh I love their Halloween costumes. I love that she has such a great talent in designing and making costumes.
That is so amazing that she was asked to be a speaker at that event. I bet she is going to KILL it.
I love the crafts that she makes. Maybe she could help me design something for my home.
I have only been working on it for one day but I notice a huge difference in how I feel when I am happy for others. Other people’s successes don’t take anything away from my life. But comparing myself to them takes all the joy out of mine.
Confidence day two is all about being me and not comparing myself to other people. It is not easy but it is definitely one I am going to continue working on! Why? Because I really like the way I feel when I am happy for my fellow travelers.
Yesterday we were able to attend the open house at the Meridian Idaho Temple for the LDS church. It was very peaceful even with all of the people there. I am very grateful for the time I was able to spend there with my family.
I was reminded of who I am. I am a child of God. My worries and concerns are actually very small when I remember this fact. God is there, he loves me. He wants me to be confident and he wants me to be happy.
I watched Demi Lovato’s documentary “Simply Complicated” at one point she talks about her addictions. She said that she just had to submit to a higher power to help her overcome.
As I thought about this I realized that I don’t have to try to be anything I am not. I am already perfectly formed by God. Because I am loved the way I am I can be confident in that love. I can be confident in who I am. When I submit to God and listen to what he tells me I am filled with confidence. I know in whom I have trusted (2 Nephi 4:19) I know that he will help me.
My first day of finding confidence is a reminder in who I am. A reminder I needed and for which I am very grateful.
PS If you are interested in visiting the temple I would love to go with you!
Last week I finally got the courage to read back through my journals from the time the anxiety was out of control. I was nervous to read them because this time was so hard to go through I wasn’t sure if I wanted to read it again. They were hard to read but the thing that really struck me was how often I said I just wanted to be good enough.
Not feeling good enough is not really a new feeling for me. When I was little my mom asked my Aunt to be my secret friend. She sent me a few cards (which I still have) with notes building me up and a necklace (which I lost). My mom signed me up for Girl Scouts to give me something of mine own. Why did my mom do this for me? I didn’t ask her for either thing. She did it because I was so shy I wouldn’t do anything unless my older sister was also going. I followed her around for years!
Truth be told I am still shy and unsure of myself. I don’t really like doing things without my hubby. He is the one I follow around now! I am tired of being scared of everything and feeling unsure about who I really am.
I made a decision. I am going to research, look for, pray about and generally do everything I can to find confidence. My goal is to change the way I feel about myself and the way I react to the world. To keep myself on track and accountable I am going to post here on my blog everyday for 30 days. I will post the things I learn, how my journey is going and the scary things I am doing to gain more confidence.
I hope you will join me in my journey and that some of the things I learn will help you also!
I did a thing and to most people this thing is not that big of a deal. To me it is HUGE!
My thing?? I just set my alarm for 5:15am for tomorrow morning!! And I am excited about it! Why is this such a big deal? Because I have never liked to get up. In fact when my hubby and I were engaged we were at a family reunion and my siblings were ready to go hiking and I was still asleep. They sent my hubby up to wake me up. When my Dad noticed he was gone from the living room he asked where my hubby had gone. When my sister said to wake up Janna. Dad said well that engagement is off.
Through the dark days of anxiety and depression sleep was even more precious to me. I could escape through sleep. In fact when my oldest was in first grade he would have to come and wake me up for school. Yep a 6 year old was waking up his mom for school.
Why does all of this matter? It matters because I want you to know that things change. You will get better. The days aren’t always hard and the world isn’t always scary.
I am excited to wake up in the morning now because I have dreams and goals. I still deal with depression and anxiety; some days are just hard. It does get better. There is a light. Life changes for the better. There are so many people rooting for you and cheering you on. You don’t even know!
You are loved, keep up the fight!
Like everyone else the last few days some part of my brain has been focused on the tragedy in Las Vegas.
As I was listening to a news broadcast yesterday. One of the people talking said that the feeling of being safe in your world has been taken away. That for his children they no longer felt safe. My kids have not grown up with the feeling of safety other kids do. Most kids grow up believing that bad things don’t happen. Tragedy and sadness and hurt is something that belongs to other people.
Not my kids. They know bad things happen. They know that kids are hurt everyday. They know that people die everyday. Now let me be clear my kids live a very protected and sheltered life in most ways. They have a safe place to live and they know we will do everything to protect them. They don’t have to worry about where their next meal will come from or if they will have a place to sleep tonight.
However, my husband is a police officer and a SWAT team member. They know bad things happen. They know that when those bad things happen their daddy will go running into the fray to protect everyone he can. They know that this world is not safe. Sometimes I feel bad for them because they have not grown up with a feeling of safety that most people take for granted.
But in other ways I am so grateful for the lives they lead. I am grateful that they know what a true hero is. They don’t care what sports players, actors or politicians do or don’t do because those aren’t their heroes. They know police officers, EMTs, paramedics and firefighters. They know soldiers current and veterans. They know teachers that give everything to help them succeed. They know that even when scary things happen there are people that will stand up for what is right. Those people will stand up and save those that they can, often with their last breath.
Bad things happen and it hurts. But good things and good people are all around us. They are their standing up and helping each other. They are their standing up and saving each other. They are there standing up and fighting to make this world safe, to make this world fair. They are there standing up and doing all they can to take care of each other.
I choose to stand.
People are scary! Wait didn’t I just write this post? Oh yea I did.
I wrote that post knowing that there was a women’s group, meeting at my church. (The women’s group is called Relief Society.) I knew that I needed to start going to make some friends. And I had been asked to make cookies. Perfect excuse to go right? It was also a get to know you night because there are lots of new people coming so I wouldn’t be the only “new” person there.
All day yesterday all I could think is I don’t want to go. I made the cookies thinking well I can just drop them off. Or I can just go for half an hour. At least if I go I can say I did it. I JUST WROTE A BLOG POST ABOUT BEING FRIENDLY I HAVE TO GO.
Well, I didn’t go. The world didn’t crash down. We had a great night together as a family. No one called me to ask where I was with the cookies. It was all good. Except I felt a little guilty because I didn’t go. I mean I did just write this great blog post.
This morning I met a fellow “This is my Brave” cast member. To be honest I thought she just wanted to meet to sell me her product. I couldn’t figure out why she wanted to get together. She is gorgeous, accomplished and totally awesome. Why would she want to get together with me??? Yes these are all of the thoughts I have running through my head.
I really wanted to tell her that I wasn’t coming. But I didn’t. And you know what I was totally wrong!! She just wanted to visit. We talked for an hour all about life and goals and how we are doing mentally. It was an amazing hour.
Maybe I can make new friends. I just need to do it on my terms.
Gymnastics seems to be taking over my life.
For awhile I would go to two different gymnastics classes every Monday. Now I only need to go to one. But that class is 2 hours long. I sit there and watch kids a quarter, yes a quarter, of my age doing things that I have never and will never be able to do. (I know we should never say never but even as a kid I could’t move like that. Now that I am considerably older it is not going to happen.)
Anyway, one of the coaches mentioned that gymnasts mess up 95% of the time. They practice so much to train their muscles to do the correct thing the 5% of the time they are in front of the judges.
It amazes me to sit and watch these kids for just a fraction of the amount of time they spend each week practicing. They spend hours doing the same thing over and over again. Why? So they can cut down the 95% failure rate. Because they know the more they practice the less failures they will have. Because they know the more they practice the bigger the 5% of doing things correctly becomes.
This of course made me think of my own life. I start something new and I want to be perfect right away. I don’t want to redo anything or keep trying. To tell you the truth the only time I argued with my mom is when she wanted me to take out stitches when she was teaching me how to sew.
I don’t have the patience to sit and work and work to figure out how to do something. However, I have goals and dreams. So I may not have patience now it is certainly something that I can develop. I choose to start now. Everyday I choose to do one thing that will get me closer to my goal.
Right now that means that I need to learn a lot about the technical side of blogging. I need to learn how to make changes to my website. How to add pages and make the content more interesting to look at.
I need to learn about marketing. How do I use different social media outlets to share my message? How do I make interesting instagram posts? Where do people find the awesome quotes from others? And seriously how do they write such great quotes?
I may keep failing 95%. But when I work everyday it gives me more of a chance to succeed the other 5% because I am doing more.
And these gymnasts that are on team are seriously ripped! I want to be the elite gymnast of supporting others to reach their goals! Do you have an exciting goal you would like help achieving? I would love to help you. Contact me for more information.