Author: Janna

Things I have learned from The Confidence Code by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman:

-Most women overthink life.  Honestly, I thought it was just me.  I thought I was the only one that worried about decisions and actions way too much.  The truth is a lot of women do this.  Even women most would consider successful and put together.

-There really is a gene for anxiety and depression.  It is SLC6A4, just in case you wanted to know.  This makes me happy to know that it really wasn’t a choice to have anxiety attacks.

-Confidence is more important than IQ in determining future success.  When people have confidence they are more likely to go after the things they want.  Women, generally, will only apply for a job if they meet 100% of the criteria.  Men, in general, will apply if they meet 60%.

I can’t wait to read more into the book to find out how to improve my confidence.  I have also ordered another book the “Purple Crayon Confidence”.  I can’t wait to learn more!

Day 15 – I am in a learning mode today.  Figuring out more about confidence and how to strengthen my own!

“When you over value what other people think of you it’s because you’re looking for someone else to fill your cup.  You’re looking for someone else to give you self-esteem.” Dr. Ashlee Greer

What you think of yourself is so much more important than what other people think of you.  Confidence will only grow when you are filling your own cup.  When you are giving esteem to yourself.

Esteem means admiration or respect.  How do you gain this admiration for yourself?  I think first off you have to understand who you really are.  You must remember that you are a creation of God.  He made you and He loves you.  If you can’t feel love for yourself right now remember that God loves you.

Next, find out the things you are good at.  My second son is awesome at telling corny jokes.  He makes us laugh and he is always searching for a new joke.  It may seem like a small thing knowing how to tell a joke.  But when it has been a long day and you just can’t deal with life anymore a good joke breaks the tension.  Our talents aren’t always found in the big things of the world.  Find what you are good at and treat those things with respect.  Those talents are how you will change the world.

Finally, find the things you really want to do.  The goals we haven’t won’t always come from strengths we possess.  Sometimes the goals we have will come from something you want to learn.  Or a shortcoming you want to overcome.  I hate heights and it is getting worse the older I get.  However, giving in to this fear is not something I am willing to do anymore.  As kids we always teased our Mom because she is afraid of heights. (I know this is called Karma!)  But Mom never gave up.  She came behind and she hugged the mountain but she never gave up.

My mom was always the last in the family to finish a hike.  But she always finished.  Make a list of the things you want to learn or accomplish and start doing them!  It doesn’t matter if you are perfect at it.  It doesn’t matter if you think you are too old.   Just go do it.

Day 14 – confidence comes by respecting yourself.  Do one thing today that shows you love and respect yourself!

Today was a crazy busy day.  I love having the nice, slow Saturdays when all I have to worry about is getting the grocery shopping done.  This was the opposite of slow.  We were so busy that my hubby and I didn’t even see each other until 6pm.

I started out in a really good mood.  Then this afternoon everything started to bug me.  I spoke too harshly to my son.  Everyone at the store was super annoying.  Just being around people was making my skin crawl.

When I got home from shopping I gave myself a time out.  I took a few minutes to myself just to breathe without anyone asking me for anything.  I listened to a talk from the last LDS Conference.

Sometimes confidence means knowing your limits.  Pushing beyond what you can handle mentally and physically can be harmful to yourself and those around you.  Make a list of all the things that helps you to feel better when you have hit your limit.  Then when you need a break you have a ready made list of ideas to choose from.

It is ok to take time for yourself.  It is good to treat yourself well.  Time outs aren’t just for kids anymore!

Day 12 – know your mental limits.  Confidence is taking good care of yourself.

When I first started this challenge I had two people tell me that watching their thoughts had made a huge difference in their confidence.  I know thoughts are so important;  I can think myself into an anxiety attack in no time flat!

It was also suggested that I read the book “The Confidence Code” by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman.  In the introduction I came upon the following gem:

“In the most basic terms, what we need to do is start acting and risking and failing, and stop mumbling and apologizing and prevaricating.  It isn’t that women don’t have the ability to succeed; it’s that we don’t seem to believe we can succeed, and that stops us from even trying.  Women are so keen to get everything just right that we are terrified of getting something wrong.  But, if we don’t take risks, we’ll never reach the next level.”

This one paragraph describes so much of my life.  I spent years afraid of my own shadow, wanting to do everything perfectly. (And I am so grateful to know that I am not the only person that was so afraid of failing that I didn’t even try!) It is time to take some risks, fail a few times and reach the next level.

All of this depends on what I believe can happen.  All of this begins with my thoughts.  Knowing this I have been paying closer attention to the thoughts I allow to stay in my brain.  Not everything I think gets the same amount of playing time.

When I start to feel depressed or anxious I think back about what I had just been thinking.  When I find negative thoughts I counter or refute them.  It can go something like this: “I don’t know what I’m doing I am never going to make this happen.” When I recognize the negative thought I change it to: “True I don’t know what I am doing but I do know where I can get the information.  I know that as I work more avenues will be opened for me.”  Simple thought changes make a huge difference in how I feel and how I act.

I know I make it sound easy.  It is not always simple to change negative thoughts to positive ones but you must keep practicing.  The more you do it, the better you will become at it.  And the more you tell yourself positive things the more you will believe them.  We are such wonderful creatures we deserve to feed our minds and hearts good, strong thoughts.

Day 11 – take care of the thoughts you entertain.  They will determine the actions you take.

How do you keep negative thoughts from overcoming you?  How have your thoughts helped you to achieve?  Any other advice for my confidence challenge?

Today my youngest got his braces off.  It was very exciting and he was happy to get them off.  Until it came to all of the work of actually getting them off.

I have never had braces so I didn’t know how it all worked.  They just pop the brackets off with a little tool.  They don’t loosen the glue or anything.  Then you have to lay there as they grind off all of the glue with a little baby sander.  (I don’t know what dental tools are called but I do know a few construction tools.)

Then they glued a wire on to his bottom front teeth for a permanent retainer.  Then they had to take impressions to make plastic retainers kind of like invisalign braces.  (I have had impressions done and those totally stink!!!)  Then all the pictures for before and after which are amazing!  Then a fluoride treatment that took 4 minutes with plastic trays in his mouth.

The entire process took about 2 hours.  Now if you know my monkey you know he doesn’t sit still very well or at all.  This is torture for him having to sit still,  keep his mouth open and tilted and have all of this stuff in his mouth.

The thing is though that he isn’t afraid of saying enough.  He isn’t afraid of telling them that something hurts.  Me?  I just lay there gripping my hands together until they finish.  Does it take longer when you ask to stop?  Yes, but you get a breather and a break for a minute.

I love that he was confident enough to say no let me breathe.  From now on I am going to be more confident about just asking for what I need.  Too often I am one of those people that just wants you to read my mind.  No more!

Day 7 – Ask for what you need and stand up for yourself!