Author: Janna

I am a wife, mother, librarian and lover of learning new things. Amazing and Terrifying is all about my journey in this world. My purpose is to help as many people as I can choose and live the life that they want. Thank you for visiting!

Take Time for Yourself

I have struggled today with what to write. There has been very sad news with friends. I don’t know how to share about confidence when people I know are struggling with much bigger challenges.

Grief changes you.  It changes the way you feel about life and about yourself.  Grief can pull you down into an ugly pit.

Having a firm foundation helps to pull you back when grief threatens to overcome you. That foundation can be confidence, faith in yourself and God, or self worth.  Please strengthen that foundation each day to take care of yourself.

Confidence means knowing when you need to take care of yourself.  It means slowing down before life overcomes you.  It means being who you are and not hiding yourself.

Day 25 –  Build confidence by taking care of yourself.

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is the time of year that reminds us to slow down and be thankful for the blessings we have.  I am grateful to all of you for going on this journey with me.  I am grateful that I get to share my story and all of the things I am learning.

Being grateful helps us to be happy and optimistic.  Many studies have shown this is true.  This TED talk helps us to learn how to incorporate grattitude.

He tells us to stop, look and then go.  Stop for a minute.  Look around to find something to be grateful for.  Then go and do something about that grattitude.

What does this have to do with confidence? When you are optimistic you are more likely to feel confident about your life.  When you feel optimistic you are more willing to try new things.

Besides being optimisitic makes a huge difference in your life.

Day 24 – use more gratitude in your life.

PS.  Happy Thanksgiving to your family from ours!

I’m sorry

I had a customer at the library tell me to stop apologizing it makes me look weak.

Do you apologize for everything like I do?

Almost bump into someone. I’m sorry.

Someone can’t find what they want. I’m sorry.

The computer doesn’t work correctly. I’m sorry.

Apologizing for what you do wrong is important. Apologizing for anything that happens is getting out of control.

I have been looking for other words besides I’m sorry when something happens.  It feels so different when you don’t take responsibility for things that aren’t your fault.

Confidence helps you take responsibility without being the martyr.

Day 23 – stop using I’m sorry for everything.

 

 

Don’t think just Do IT

Today we went hiking to see an arrow.  It is kind of a cool story.  When the postal service first started to use planes to deliver mail they made cement arrows on the top of the mountains to direct the pilots.

When we got to the top of the mountain I decided to do some immersion therapy.  I am really afraid of heights and I want to get over it.  So I kept going out to the edge.  My mom was not happy about me doing it.  She is afraid of heights too.

At one point I was trying to climb over a little chasm.  I had gotten across a little bit but then froze.  My oldest came up behind me and was cheering me trying to help me get across.  He said, “Don’t think just do it.  OK maybe that is not the best advice coming from a teenager.”

But sometimes that is the best advice.  I know that I way over think anything that I want to do.  I worry over any choice that comes up. Sometimes I just need to do it.

Too much thinking often keeps me from doing what I really want.  Overthinking kills confidence because I can find any little reason why something won’t work.  I often give up before I even try because of overthinking.

Day 22 – don’t think just do it!

And yes I did unfreeze and get over the chasm!

Small Steps to Big Confidence

This week I am sharing some of the ideas I have learned from “The Confidence Code” in how to strengthen your confidence.  This book is focused on women but I highly reccomend it to anyone that is wanting to improve their confidence.

Small steps is one way to improve confidence. They suggest that if you have a big goal to break it down into small steps.  As you accomplish the small steps it gives you confidence to continue on.

This has worked so well with my confidence challenge.  It has been a little thing to focus on confidence over the last 20 days.  However, it has made such a huge difference in my life.

I challenge you to choose one thing that you have been putting off.  Then take the first step in accomplishing that thing.  I promise that you will feel more confident in your goals.

Day 21 – take small steps in accomplishing your goals.  You feel so good and will want to keep moving forward!

 

 

I am not the Judge

I have been thinking about this post for some time now.  Truthfully it is not something I want to share.  Mostly because it shows too much of my worst faults. But it is one I feel I need to share.

I have mentioned in the past that I am very judgy of other people.  No matter who it is I see I measure myself against them.  I want to see if I am better or worse than the person I am judging.  I know I do this to try and make myself feel better.  To show myself that maybe I am not that bad.  But all it does it tear me down and tear down the people I am judging.

People always say don’t worry about what other people are thinking because they aren’t thinking about you.  I know that is a lie, though, because I am thinking about other people all of the time.

Doing this confidence challenge has shown me two things about myself that I am not very proud of.  First, I am very insecure.  This is why I judge other people.  I am trying to make myself feel better.  I am trying to show that at least I am better dressed than her.  Or I am not as heavy as her.  Or I would never be so embarrassing as her.  It is exhausting!

The other reason I am so judgy is because I am jealous.  I don’t feel that I will ever be as good as that woman.  I know that woman is so talented I don’t have anything to offer like she does.  I will never be as successful as that person!

I guess really jealous and insecurity are essentially the same thing.  Both are exhausting and both keep me from really connecting with people.  I know when I am being judgy I am keeping people away from the real me.  When I am being judgy I am putting myself on a pedestal and other people below me. (I told you this wasn’t a pretty picture of me.)

The other day I was reading in the book of Alma in the Book of Mormon.  Alma was talking to the people about their sins and how the things they were doing were a trap from Satan.  Satan was using these sins to keep the people away from connecting with God and each other.  I sat back and thought about my life.  I know that my lack of confidence keeps me from really connecting with God.  I don’t feel like I am good enough to be loved by Him.  As long as I am stuck in this trap I am not progressing.  I am not becoming the person Heavenly Father wants me to be.

As I have focused on confidence and strength I have realized I am better than I thought.  I don’t have to be perfect I am loved the way I am.  I am working on tearing down the walls of jealousy and insecurity.  I don’t want them anymore.  I know it is time to leave them behind.

So I have made myself change the way I think.  Whenever I find myself judging someone else I have to come up with 5 nice things about that person.  I would much rather find nice things about another child of God.  This has helped me to start breaking the habit of judging.  And it helps me feel happier because I am focusing on the positives of other people

Day 19 – are there personal traits that are holding you back from confidence? Find them and tear them down.  You don’t need them!

Should is Not Worth It

As I have been learning about confidence I keep coming back to thoughts.  Especially the things I tell myself I should do.

I should only wash my hair every other day.

I should always wear jewelry.

I should wear makeup more.

I shouldn’t be so loud.

I should be more outgoing.

I should be skinnier.

Just writing these sentences makes me sad and anxious.

Shoulds hurt the heart and drain the energy to do the things you really want.  Shoulds usually come from other people, not from our own desires.

As I have paid more attention to my thoughts I have begun to stop the shoulds.  My hair may be healthier if I didn’t wash it everyday but it is seriously nasty after a workout. I really don’t think the dry shampoo is going to take care of it.  So I happily wash my hair everyday.

I do want to be more outgoing.  But telling myself I SHOULD be more outgoing puts too much pressure on myself.  Instead, I choose to be more outgoing and social.

Pay attention to your thoughts.  If you are using should over and over again re-frame those thoughts.  If it is something you really do want to do then change it to I choose to do….  If it is something that you really don’t want to do then throw it away.  I choose not to do….

Day 18 – get rid of shoulds.  Either choose to do something or don’t.  But quit battering yourself with shoulds!

I added a video here!

 

Fail Fast, Fail Now

The first tip in gaining confidence from “The Confidence Code” is to fail fast.

This is kinda funny because I really hate the idea of failing.  I have to be perfect and do everything perfectly so that everyone is happy with me.  Evidently perfectionism is another trait that most women share.  That is why failing fast is so important.

So what does failing fast mean?  It comes from the tech world.  A company develops different products and sends them all out to the market.  They see which ones catch on and further develop that one.  The others get scraped.  Tech is changing and developing so quickly they don’t have time to perfect every product before it goes to market.  By failing fast they can see where to put their time and resources.

Failing fast is important for women because we are such perfectionist.  By trying something and failing we see that the world doesn’t fall apart.  No one curses your name in the middle of your presentation because you forgot a few words.  No one hates you forever because you didn’t know the right words to comfort your friend.

“Our quick failures will let us be choosy about how we spend our time.  No longer will we need to try to get everything right.  A lot will land in the garbage heap.  We would do well to remember that it’s not the strongest species that survives in the long run-it’s the one that is the most adaptable.” The Confidence Code

I know I am not the most adaptable.  If there is something out of the ordinary going on in my family life I ask my hubby at least 5 times (a day) what is happening.  I really hate to get last minute invitations to things because I already have it set in my head how I want the day to go.  I try and come up with conversation ideas before I ever go to a party. (Because I usually blank out on what to talk about. I actually forgot my own name when I did a pageant! My own name that I have had for 40 years!!!)

One idea Claire Shipman, one of the authors of the book, had was to try giving a speech without notes.  Because this was a new experience she decided to type the first part of her speech and not the rest.  She found that this was not a good way for her to present.  She rambled at some parts and didn’t make all of the points she wanted to discuss.  Next time she said she would right down points she wanted to hit in her speech.  This would help her stay on topic but still give her the chance to connect with the audience in a way that you can’t when you’re reading a speech.

This was an easy fast way to fail.  She tried something new, found out it didn’t work and moved on to another idea that may work.  Was it hard? Yes I think it was but I think it also helped her relax about other choices in her life.

Perfectionism is never going to get me where I want to be.  Being afraid to fail is never going to move me.  But trying and failing will because that means I am moving.  Failing means I am at least in the game.

I need some ideas!! What are easy, fast things I can fail at? (That won’t hurt too bad I really don’t like pain!)

Day 16 – figure out a way you can try and fail.  Excuse me while I figure out what to do.