Author: Janna

I am a wife, mother, librarian and lover of learning new things. Amazing and Terrifying is all about my journey in this world. My purpose is to help as many people as I can choose and live the life that they want. Thank you for visiting!

The Days are Long, but the Years are Short

When the boys were little people would tell me all the time to enjoy this time because they would grow up fast.  They would tell me that they days were long but the years were short. I hated when people would tell me that. Each day seemed like it would never end and it was almost more than I could handle. I didn’t feel like we would ever get past the baby/toddler stage.

Next school year I will have two boys in high school and one in middle school and all I can think is where did the time go? Where are my little boys that loved to play with me? Now I want to tell people with little children the same thing, the years really do go by terribly fast. (I don’t, though, because sometimes I do know how to keep my mouth shut!)

So why am I telling you about my boys growing up? I have come to realize that life moves incredibly fast and because of that we have two choices. We can sit back and think things will never change, until they do. Or we can realize that time does go by quickly so we must use the time we have now.

This life we have is to help us learn and grow. I realize now that if I had the chance to do things over again with my boys I would. I don’t want to have those kind of regrets as they get older. I also don’t want to have those kinds of regrets about my own life.

To combat regrets I am doing scary things. I am setting hard goals that I have no IDEA how I will reach. I want to do things differently with my boys. I want to help you live your best life too. Instead of sitting back and saying “Oh there is time I will do it tomorrow.” I am doing what I can today to make a change. And boy is it fun!

Blessings Flow

I have been listening to Colleen Coble’s book “Tidewater Inn”.  At one point a sister is talking about her brother and says that he was blessed with riches because the Lord knew that those riches would flow through him to bless those in need.  This description stopped me and made me think.  Do my riches and blessing flow through me to others in need or do I hold on to them so tightly I can’t see them?

I know for a long time I have had a death grip on my blessings. I didn’t want them to get away, I was afraid that there wasn’t enough. I thought I wasn’t enough. I thought if I didn’t hold on tight then my blessings would get away, that I would be left with nothing.

I have come to realize that fear was telling me lies. I have learned that when I squeeze my blessings so tight they can’t breathe it makes them die. When I believe that there isn’t enough, fear makes anything I do have smaller. I have learned that blessings multiply when they are given away.

I am still working on not being so afraid. But little changes are making a huge difference in how I feel. One simple mindset change has been to say I choose to spend my money somewhere else. Instead of saying we don’t have enough money for that thing. It seems small but it feels huge. By making this small mindset change I control how I feel instead of letting fear tell me what to feel.

Blessings are made to flow. They are supposed to flow to us and then out into the world to bless everyone. I have built a dam around my blessings but I am working to take it apart. I want my blessing to again be able to flow.

Photo by paul morris on Unsplash

Can you back a car?

I really hate backing into parking spaces. I know that is weird because if I go forward into the spot then I am going to have to back out of the when I leave. But I if I back INto the spot I can’t do it in one try. I am going to have to go forward and back a couple of times to get the car in straight. Why does this matter? Because I hate making mistakes. If I am going to do something I am going to do it right the first time or not at all.  That means I don’t back into parking spaces. It also means that I don’t do a lot of other things.

I started to think about this Sunday when we were parking for church. Aron always backs in because it is easier to get out when church is over. Aron is a really good driver and even he couldn’t just back in and be done.  He did at least one forward after he started backing to get into the spot like he wanted.

This started me thinking about life.  So often I want to know how to do something perfectly before I start. Or I want to know that everything will work out perfectly before I start something new. That just isn’t how life works. I have been kept from trying and working on things because I think I have to be perfect.

So instead of adjusting my journey just a little bit when something goes wrong I completely give up. I tell myself that this path must not be the correct one for me and I quit. That isn’t the purpose of life though. We are here to learn and grow.  I can do that by making some mistakes. I can try new things and then work it out when it may not go the way I want it to the first time. I can spend the time to learn, grow and have experiences good and bad.

Or I can say that I am just a bad backer so I am not going to try. Not anymore, Excuse me while I go practice my backing.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Circles in my mind.

My brain does circles sometimes.  It is not necessarily anxiety but it can turn into that if I let the circles continue.

I get fixated on one thought and I spend every minute trying to figure out how to make that thing work or make that thing make sense.  Today it has been the personality test Strengths Finder.  I was looking at the results today and one of my strengths in a connector.

I have been trying to figure it out because I don’t feel like I am a very good connector.  I like people and I like people to be happy and if someone is having a relationship problem I want to fix it.  But I don’t feel like I connect.

Then I start to wonder if the other strengths are really my strengths.  If this one is off then the other ones could be too.  I have a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology so I feel like I can figure out how to answer these tests so that I get the results I want.  If I do that then how can I trust any of these tests?

Yes I make myself dizzy with all of these questions.  Does anyone else have circles in the brain?

The point?  I have to stop the circles.  I distract myself with work or thinking about the Primary class I am teaching on Sunday.  I write, I play games with the boys.

The truth is the circles are there but I have the choice of stepping out of the circle.  Excuse me while I go get out of this circle.

I Have Learned…

This it the last day of my challenge!

What is it that I have learned?

I have learned that confidence is an action.  To really gain confidence you have to do something.  It is similar to learning how to play the piano.  You can read all of the books and learn all of the theory but until you actually put your fingers on the keyboard you don’t know how to play the piano.  I have learned a lot about confidence but I really gain confidence by doing things that scare me.

I have learned that confidence is a choice.  So much of life is what we tell ourselves.  I have told myself for years that I am shy so that has been true.  As I make the choice to be confident the things I tell myself change.  Or maybe the things I tell myself changes so confidence comes out more.

I have learned that there are more people on my side than I thought.  Because the anxiety taught me I wasn’t good enough I hid; I have been very closed off from people.  Sharing my thoughts and deep feelings has shown me that there are people all over the world that care about me. I don’t have to be perfect or to earn love.  I can be me and that is ok.  That is confidence!

I have learned that I can accomplish what I set out to do.  I don’t always feel that I accomplish my goals.  I accomplish things for work, for my family and church.  But not always a goal just for me.  This was a goal just for me.  I pushed myself to do it and I only missed one day.  My confidence has increased knowing that I can push myself to accomplish my goals.

I have learned that my life is much more important to my Heavenly Father than I thought.  Sometimes I feel bad asking for help because I know that there are people with much bigger problems than mine.  I have learned, however, that there isn’t a ranking system on problems.  If it is important to us it is important to our Heavenly Father.  My confidence in Heavenly Father has grown.

This has been an amazing journey for me.  I am very grateful for each one of you for joining me.  Confidence isn’t just for other people it is for each one of us.

Confidence takes Action

I broke my streak yesterday, so close to the end!!!

I have learned so much about confidence this month and so much about myself.

The number one thing I have learned is that confidence is something that you do. I can’t sit around reading and learning about confidence and just expect it to become part of my life.  I have to start doing things to bring that confidence into my life.

One thing that I need to do is be more vocal about this blog and my goals.  I spent last week with most of my siblings.  Only a couple of them even knew I was writing a blog. (I have 5 siblings.)  I mentioned it because I was writing in front of them.  But I never said “Hey check out my blog I would love your input and comments.”

I didn’t say anything because of fear.  (Although I did tell my mom she needed to read my blog about should!) I didn’t say anything because I don’t want them (or anyone) to laugh at me.  If I stay small, if I stay quiet there is less of a chance I will get laughed at.

I don’t want to stay small anymore.  I am tired of hiding my thoughts and dreams.  So this is when I marshal my confidence and step out into the unknown.

I am a life coach!!! There I said it.  This is a dream I have had for a really long time.  I love to help other people.  I love to see people change their lives and begin to love themselves and their lives.  I would love to work with you if you are seeking a change in your life.

Please contact me here.  Or connect with me on Facebook.

Day 29 – Do something today to build your confidence.  Do something scary just to show that you can.  I would love to hear what scary thing you did today!

Let Yourself Be Awesome!

Last night I prayed about what it is I need to do to get to the next step with confidence.  The answer came – let yourself be as awesome as you are.  Don’t worry about what you think you should be.

First off let yourself be as awesome as you are.  I know I don’t really see myself as I am.  I see all of my faults, all of the things that I do wrong, the things I could do better.  However, I am a child of God.  I am so much more than I give myself credit for.  I am so much more than I can even imagine.

How do I let myself be awesome?  By controlling my thoughts.  I know I have talked about thoughts before but they are so important.  How many times do you look in the mirror and start ripping yourself apart?  I know that when I look in the mirror I start picking apart everything I see.  I have even noticed that often I just glance in the mirror.  I don’t really look at myself; I don’t want to see me.

I think Heavenly Father was trying to tell me that I really need to look at myself.   I need to stop putting restrictions on myself.  I tell myself so often that I can’t do something before I even try.  Pay attention to your thoughts and remind yourself you are more amazing than you believe.

Second, is to stop worrying about what you should be.  Shoulds are another thing I have written about. So often when I start something I think I should be better than I am.  I should be able to do everything perfectly.  Should, should, should.  All shoulds do is make me feel worse about myself.  Just let them go.

I am who I am now and I don’t have to worry about what I should be.  Because Heavenly Father is happy with me right now.  Let everything else go!

Day 28 – Believe in who you really are, let all the rest go!

Take Vacation Home with You.

We just got back from a week of vacation in Southern Utah with my mom.  It is so hard to come back from vacation.  To be in charge again.

I have been thinking about how I can bring vacation home with me.  Wouldn’t that be great? To be as relaxed as you are on vacation.  I have come up with one answer: meditation.

Meditation helps with so many things.  It can help anxiety and depression.  It gives you a little mini vacation whenever you may need it.  There are meditation apps that can teach how to meditate.  I use Headspace, it does cost but is well worth the price.

Although it won’t give you a week off to enjoy family it does help to reset your mind.  I enjoy doing meditation because my brain is usually going so fast I can’t keep track of one thought.  With meditation I am able to clear my mind of most thoughts. (Not always all of them because there are so many!) I get clear on what needs done and my priorities.

Although today isn’t exactly about confidence it is one thing that has helped me.

Day 27 – take a few minutes to relax before going back to the grind tomorrow.

Do Something!

The authors of the “The Confidence Code” have taught me so much.  Another good thing I have learned is that mantras about who you want to be don’t really work.  There was a study done where a group of people with low self-esteem were assigned to say to themselves “I’m a lovable person”. The people in this group felt worse about themselves after repeating this phrase.

The study’s authors felt that this happened because of “the gap between what participants were told to feel and what they really felt. Repeating empty statements served only to underscore how far they felt they were from an ideal state of mind.”

I know I have felt this way.  I have tried repeating mantras of how I want to be; when I did I just felt bad.  So what is the cure? What does work?

Taking action on your goal is what changes how you feel about yourself.  I have noticed the change in myself doing this confidence challenge.  Just thinking about confidence didn’t change anything.  However, when I started to DO something to improve my confidence I started to change.

So if you want a better job, take that first step to change your job.  If you want better mental health, do one thing to change how you feel. Whatever it may be take that first step and you will be amazed at how quickly life changes.

Day 26 – take the first step to achieve your goal!