And I am a people pleaser.
I have spent YEARS trying to make everyone happy. Twisting myself into what I thought other people wanted is what caused the majority of the anxiety. I constantly try to figure out what other people will expect and then figure out how I can meet that while I do all of the other things that people want.
I just want people to like me.
It hasn’t mattered if I like me. It hasn’t mattered if I am doing something I enjoy as long as I know the people around me like me.
I am changing.
I know that making people like me is my Achilles heel. So I pay attention to how I am reacting to people. I am reaching out more to make friends. I pulled away from everyone for a long time because it was too hard to continue to be everything to everyone. Now I am working to figure out how to be friends with people without making them like me.
I think I am doing better. I am happy to have friends over. I am learning how to do small talk. (Which is not easy for this introvert!) I follow my husband’s example with how to talk with people. I am even reaching out to people more.
The one thing I still hate to do is tell someone no.
I still try to do everything that I am asked to do. Espically when the person asking never asks for help. I want to do everything to be able to serve them. But sometimes I just have to say no. I am learning that saying no doesn’t mean the other person is going to hate me. They may be disappointed and it may cause them to have to do more work. But if it does cause them to hate me then they weren’t a real friend to begin with.
Letting someone be disappointed in me is tough. But I am learning that I am tougher. I have learned that when I do need to say no I feel the disappoint that I can’t help them. It is so important to feel my feelings. If I just push them away then they come back stronger in a panic attack. I remind myself that I am still a good person even if I couldn’t help them. I remind myself that they are not angry with me although they may be disappointed. But I am not responsible for how they feel, I can’t control their feelings. If the feelings are very strong I will journal them to get them out. Then I go and do something else to get my mind off the disappointment.
If you are a people pleaser I challenge you to step back just a little bit. (I was going to challenge you to go say no to someone but that may be too big of a challenge to start with.) Let your kids do something for themselves, don’t answer that text as soon as it comes in, take 5 minutes just to breathe and collect yourself before heading in to work. Taking tiny steps back from people pleasing will help you to take better care of yourself.
I would love to hear what you did today to take a step back from people pleasing!
