I am not perfect.
I can’t make anyone happy or make them love me.
I can’t control what others think of me.
I am human, I make mistakes.
I get overwhelmed sometimes.
I want to shut down and be a hermit.
I want to reach out and help others.
I want to support others so they don’t have to hurt.
It is Monday morning as I sit here writing and thinking. We have just returned from an awesome weekend running Ragnar so I am physically tired. I am looking at the week ahead and the things I need to accomplish and I am feeling emotionally tired.
That list I started with is everything that I am feeling right now. The things I know to be true and yet I still try to accomplish. I know that I can’t make other people love me or even like me but there is still a part of me that wants to try. I know that people love me for who I am but I still try to change myself to what I think they want.
I love people and I want to help and support them. But sometimes I feel so tired from being around people that I just need a break. I know that I can’t do everything that I can’t be perfect right now but that doesn’t keep me from judging myself for being human.
So what do I do with all of this? I write. I write down all of the contradictory feelings, I write out all of my feelings, I write until I see that I am heading down the anxiety road again. I keep writing until I start to feel calmer and I can see that all of the stress is just my reaction to life. And then I remember that I have control over all of my reactions.
I get to choose the way that I look at my life. Do you I look and my calendar and get stressed because everything I want to accomplish this week? Or do I look at my calendar and get excited because of everything I want to accomplish this week? The choice is mine. I get to choose what my reaction will be and excitement is so much more fun.
So like I said last week, I am going to love myself through this. I hope you choose love in your life too whatever you may be going through.
