Scary Mommy

When the boys were younger I was not the best mom. Because of the anxiety I was constantly on edge. Ironically, I was trying to be the perfect mom, well the perfect everything, and this made me extremely stressed. Which means I would overreact to small annoyances.

Jamison was a toddler probably about 3 years old and we were having General Conference. This is a conference that happens twice a year in our Church. Because the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is a worldwide church the conference is broadcast on TV.

I was so ready for the conference. I was ready to the feel the Spirit, be encouraged and given direction in my life. At the time my husband was on patrol and was working. I had set the boys up with some snacks and helped them make a fort in the living room so they could watch from a fun tent. I know I had unrealistic expectations there are two sessions of the conference on Saturday and Sunday and each one is 2 hours long but I just wanted them to sit and listen.

Now remember I have 3 boys ages 3, 6, and 8. They didn’t sit still for two hours if they weren’t drugged. I don’t remember what happened or what they were doing but I got upset and grabbed Jamison. I took him into their bedroom and tossed him onto the bed saying through gritted teeth, “I just want to feel the Spirit!” Now this is not the best way to bring the Spirit into your life. I distinctly remember standing over the bed and looking down at his little face. This was not a proud mom moment.

I tell you this story because of an experience that just happened on Sunday. This conference fiasco is something we have talked about and it is something we joke about now. I want to be honest about what life was like then and I don’t want the boys to be worried about talking about that time. It is also a nice way to let me know I am getting to scary mom territory.

Sunday on the way home from church I mentioned how I was able to straighten out a mistake one leader made. She is usually on top of everything so I was feeling a little proud. (Again not the best reaction.) The boys started joking asking if I had tossed her across the room. I laughed it off. Then when my hubby and I were getting changed he jokingly asked if I had told this leader, “Haha I fixed this and you did it wrong, I’m better than you.” I know he was just teasing me, but this time I didn’t let it roll off my back.

I said, “You guys make me sound like a horrible person.” And then I started to feel sorry for myself. I started to let myself go down the rabbit hole of not doing things perfectly and not being perfect. Before I made it very far down this hole I thought wait a minute, do I really want to feel like this?

Do I want to get upset and ruin the rest of our day? Do I want everyone in the house to have to walk on eggshells around me? The answer to all of these questions was no. I wanted to have a relaxing day with my family without my drama of being overly sensitive.

So I stopped, I changed my thought. I told myself that everyone was teasing and that they don’t think I am horrible. I know they all love me and just wanted to have fun with me.

I know it sounds simple; just change your thought. But it really is that simple. If you don’t like the reaction you’re having, change the thoughts you are telling yourself. If you don’t like feeling like a loser because you aren’t perfect. Quit telling yourself you have to be perfect. If you don’t want to feel anxious because you made a mistake. Tell yourself that mistakes are ways to learn.

It may be simple but it isn’t easy. It takes practice. It is a skill that I practice every day. Some days I am more successful than others. But I keep trying. The good thing was I was able to get out of that rabbit hole quickly. I didn’t let myself get comfy down there.

Do you have thoughts you would like to change? Try this skill. What is the thought that you would like to change? How can you rewrite it in your brain to not be negative? How can you change the thought so you get the reaction that you want? I would love to hear your ideas. Please share your thoughts with me in the comments. And if you want help rewriting your thoughts I would love to help out! Leave me a comment or message me on Facebook.