The majority of the time I handle depression well. I take medication that helps control both the depression and anxiety. I have learned to raise my thoughts about depression’s black hole. I have learned that gratitude for my life helps to counter any sadness I may feel.
The bad thing about depression though is that it does sneak attacks. There are times when I am going along just fine and then I get clothes-lined with sadness. I feel like my life is horrible and that it will never get better. I feel like my family would be much better off without me. And I can’t find one small thing to be grateful for.
I have learned that there are going to be days like this. Even though the depression is mostly under control there are days the blackness breaks through. I have learned a few things from these days.
First off, it is ok that I still have these days. I will probably always have bad days. I don’t know that I will ever be able to say that I am cured from depression. But I don’t let it have so much control on those days. I celebrate that I am not on the floor crying even though I feel horrible. That is a win when it comes to depression.
Second, I have learned that I haven’t done anything wrong to make depression come back. The depression can lie and tell you that this all your fault. That you are a horrible person and that is why you feel this way. I have learned that those are lies. Sure my brain chemistry is different but I didn’t DO anything to bring the depression on.
Lastly, I have learned that the bad days don’t last forever. I have learned that on those bad days I don’t push as hard. I rest and I let myself feel whatever it is I am feeling. Because trying to force myself to feel better is too much work. I know that the depression is not going to last forever and I keep moving to make it through this bad time.
If I could change things, if I could wave a magic wand and take away the depression forever I probably would. But that is not going to happen any time soon. I have learned to live with that and to know that I can be happy any way. I hope that you learn that too. That you know your life matters and that it does get better!
