I have a spatula that I really dislike. From this first picture you probably can’t tell why I don’t like this spatula so let me explain. It was used for something it wasn’t supposed to be. I believe I was using it to get empanadas out of the hot oil. As you can tell the head of the spatula is plastic. So when I used it in the hot oil it melted into a fatter head. (Yes me, I can’t blame this one on the boys.)
As you can tell from this picture it is also no longer smooth. So when you go to flip something like a pancake or eggs it doesn’t slide under like it is supposed to. I was cooking eggs Sunday and I reached into the drawer for a spatula. The first one I saw was this deformed spatula. I stood there looking at it for a minute thinking I really hate this spatula. Why do we keep it? Why do I use it?
And then do you know what I did? I used that spatula AGAIN. Why? Because I thought this time it will be different. This time I will be able to get the spatula under the eggs. This time I will be able to flip the eggs. But what happened is I tried to flip those eggs, the spatula wouldn’t go under the eggs and I had a big mess in the pan.
There are other tools in my life that are similar to this spatula. I keep using them even though I know that they won’t do any good for what I want. I keep using food to make myself feel better, to relax or celebrate. I have numbed my feelings for most of my life with food. Even though my blood sugar numbers are too high and overeating is no longer serving me I keep grabbing it.
Not telling people how I really feel is another tool I need to throw out of the drawer. I have always been terrified of people. My mom put me in Girl Scouts when I was little just to try to get me to talk to someone besides my sister. (But it was right at cookie selling time and neither of us wanted to do that!) I keep reaching for that tool when I should be telling people what I honestly think.
There are so many other tools that I need to throw out to make room for the ones that will actually help. Why do I keep reaching for things that no longer serve me? Because it is easy. Because I know how it will feel to eat or keep quiet. I don’t know how it will feel to put the candy bar back or to speak my mind and that is scary. So instead I pick the easy way out.
But no more. Starting today I am choosing the scary path. I bought a food journal to write down what I eat. Not to lose weight but so that I have to think about the food before I eat it. When I have to write it down and actually see what I am eating it makes it more real. There is also space to write down feelings. So instead of just going on autopilot I can write, then decide if I am actually hungry or just wanting to eat.
What is one tool that no longer works for you? What is one way you can stop using that tool? I would love to hear your ideas in the comments! I am going to keep the spatula to remind me that some tools just aren’t worth using any more.
