It is just a thought

I think about thoughts and thinking ALL OF THE TIME. Why? Because of anxiety. The thoughts I have often lead me into a panic attack where the world is ending and everyone hates me, I am going to lose my job and then we will be homeless because we won’t be able to pay our bills. Yes, it is a joy to live in my brain.

I have learned a few things dealing with panic and anxiety. One of those things is to pay attention to what I am thinking. The first time I heard this advice I laughed. Of course, I paid attention to my thinking that is what gets me into the panic attack. But the truth of the matter is: I wasn’t paying attention to my thoughts until I started feeling upset. THEN I started to listen to what was going on in my brain.

When I began paying attention sooner to what was going through my mind I was then able to lead myself out of the panic attack.

I did this by first writing down what was worrying me. This was a great tip I learned from the book “When panic attacks” by Dr. David Burns. I highly recommended this book for anyone having problems with anxiety. Writing down my worries helps me to see in black and white what it is that I am so obsessed about.

Have you ever had to pick up a few things at that grocery store so you didn’t write them down? Then the entire drive to the store you keep going over and over the list. You feel like you will forget something so you have to keep going over the list. This is how I felt before I started writing down my worries. I felt like I had to keep thinking about them and going around and around and around. Writing them down got them out of my head.

Once I write down the worries I read over them and decide if they are true or not. I often worry about what other people think of me or worry that they are mad at me. My counselor asked me once how I knew if a certain person was mad at me. I said I didn’t know I just worried that they were. He said the only way you can know if they are mad or not is to ask them. Oftentimes I am overly sensitive so what I think is a nonverbal clue that someone is mad is actually something entirely different.

Now if I think someone is mad at me I ask. (Yes it sounds like I am in middle school but it helps!) Or I ask how they are feeling or how their day went. These questions give me more clues to what is actually going on. By asking these questions I can also find out if what I think is true or not.

Once I know if the thought is true or not I can move on to the next step. If the thought I am having is true it is now up to me to decide if I want to fix the problem or not. If the thought is that my husband is mad at me, I have asked him and the thought is true. It is then up to me to find out if this is something I can or want to fix. Is he upset because of something I did? Is he mad because of his commute? Was work really hard that day and he needs time to unwind?

If it is something I can and want to fix then I work at fixing whatever the problem may be. If it is not something that I can or want to fix then we get to the hardest part of the plan: letting the thought go. Ben Abbott said, “It’s like running a marathon, it’s simple because all you have to do is run until you cross the finish line. But it is not easy.”

I love this quote because letting the thought go is simple but it is not easy. Some of the ways I have let thoughts go is to distract myself with something else. I think about what is for dinner, what I need to do for my job at church, I think about what my kids have coming up. The other way I let thoughts go is to simply take a deep breathe and say OK anxiety if you are coming come on. You aren’t a lot of fun and I hate dealing with you but you haven’t killed me yet and you won’t this time so do your best.

Although this plan sounds counter intuitive it works for me. By telling anxiety to bring it on I remind myself that anxiety hasn’t killed me, that I have survived every panic attack I have had. It frees my mind of the downward cycle and puts me in a frame of mind to combat anxiety. I am in charge NOT anxiety.

I share all of this in hopes that it helps you when dealing with negative thoughts and anxiety. Life is hard and sometimes it really stinks but we don’t have to sink into that ugliness in our thoughts. I made this worksheet to help you deal with anxiety. It is my first printable so I would love to hear what you think! There is room for you to go through each of the steps I describe.

As you practice these steps you will get better at them. As you get better you will be able to go through the steps faster and won’t need to write everything down. Go forward conquering anxiety!