Trigger Warning: This post is about suicide and why someone would consider suicide. Please take care of yourself and do not read if this will not be healthy for your mental health. I am not a mental health professional. This is strictly my thoughts and feelings.
Suicide has been on heavy on my mind lately. As it slowly becomes more acceptable to discuss suicide in our society I often hear people saying I don’t understand how someone could do that. Don’t they know that things will get better? Why didn’t they just ask for help? What could have been so bad that they would want to leave this life?
I understand all of these questions because I have been on both sides of the discussion. I have never had a friend or family member die by suicide but I have considered it myself. I have also been in such a good place that it is hard to believe that anyone would ever consider suicide.
As I have considered the differences in my thoughts I have come up with a few different ideas to explain why sometimes suicide seems like the best answer. I believe that before this life we lived with God. When we came to earth we forgot what that was like however, part of our soul remembers and longs to be back there. I think that this feeling has often lead to my feelings of wanting this life to be over. I remember as a young teenager crying because I just wanted to go home.
I was in my home at the time confused as to why I felt like I wanted to go home. As I grew in my faith I have come to believe that my soul misses home. It misses that time spent with God. I believe that many people have the feeling of being away from home but don’t understand why. They feel out of place but can’t explain why. Being apart from God I gives us this feeling. So when life gets hard or emotional we long to be back in the loving arms of our creator.
Another reason people consider suicide is because life sucks. And if you are overly sensitive like me life feels even harder. Difficult and scary things seem insurmountable. It can feel that there is no way life will ever get better. You will never be able to figure out how to deal with all that is happening and all of your negative feelings. But you can and you will if you just give yourself time.
The worst of the anxiety I dealt with lasted for years. For at least a year I called my husband everyday just to get through the day. I have spent years on my knees asking God to take these feelings and worries away. I have spent time with counselors, I take medication. I have reached out to friends and family to build a support network. I know that it is hard and I know that it feels like nothing will ever change. But that is a lie that mental illness tells you. Life will change as you keep living as you do the things that help and nourish your soul you will be able to climb out of that pit. Give yourself time.
During this time I got into a very bad habit of not wearing my seat belt. I felt this was a way I could die by suicide without really doing anything. The other day I was driving home and I thought I need to put on my seat belt. The very next thought was I want to put on my seat belt. I want to live, I am excited to live. Feelings do change and life does get better.
People consider suicide for many reasons. To help make changes and to save others we need to stop judging and start loving. Although you may never understand why someone would consider suicide you can still love them. You can show the good things of life and be a support for them.
If you are having thoughts of suicide please reach out. You can text suicide to 741741 for the crisis text line, call 1-800-273-8255 for the national suicide hotline, a friend or to me. Private message or leave me a comment. (All comments on the blog must be approved by me before they show up public. You can comment here without anyone else seeing. I will answer!) Know that you are not alone and there is nothing to be ashamed about if you are having feelings of suicide.
Take the time to love each other today. Reach out to someone that you have been thinking about that may need to hear from you. You never know the goodness you will do.
This reminds me of the talk we had at Christmas and how people say it’s selfish to commit suicide. When, in reality, the person feels so horrible he or she thinks the loved ones will truly be better off without him or her. I think we too often judge others by our thoughts and feelings without realizing that others may feel things that we could never understand. We need to remember that we don’t live in some one else’s head.
It is so important to remember we don’t know what is going on. We just need to listen and be kind.