Last week I finally got the courage to read back through my journals from the time the anxiety was out of control. I was nervous to read them because this time was so hard to go through I wasn’t sure if I wanted to read it again. They were hard to read but the thing that really struck me was how often I said I just wanted to be good enough.
Not feeling good enough is not really a new feeling for me. When I was little my mom asked my Aunt to be my secret friend. She sent me a few cards (which I still have) with notes building me up and a necklace (which I lost). My mom signed me up for Girl Scouts to give me something of mine own. Why did my mom do this for me? I didn’t ask her for either thing. She did it because I was so shy I wouldn’t do anything unless my older sister was also going. I followed her around for years!
Truth be told I am still shy and unsure of myself. I don’t really like doing things without my hubby. He is the one I follow around now! I am tired of being scared of everything and feeling unsure about who I really am.
I made a decision. I am going to research, look for, pray about and generally do everything I can to find confidence. My goal is to change the way I feel about myself and the way I react to the world. To keep myself on track and accountable I am going to post here on my blog everyday for 30 days. I will post the things I learn, how my journey is going and the scary things I am doing to gain more confidence.
I hope you will join me in my journey and that some of the things I learn will help you also!
