I have dreams and goals. Ideas and visions. I also have fear. Lots and lots of fear.
I hear all the time do it scared. You don’t have to be perfect just go for it. I know, I believe, then I do.
The fear is still there but I feel better. Dreams and goals are being achieved. Then I decide I just need a day to relax. And the fear comes back in full force.
Why am I doing this? Why did I say that? Why didn’t I believe in them? Why don’t I have any friends? And I don’t want to move. If I do I will shatter I know that I will.
But I move, I start writing. I start believing in me again. I hope that I can soon breathe through the anxiety. I try connecting without overdoing the fear. But they don’t answer my text. I know it is because I offended them and they are never going to talk to me again. (OK really they are probably just busy but this is what my fearful brain tells me.)
I share what it feels like because that is the only way that I know how to get rid of the fear.
Breathe, breathe the fear isn’t real it isn’t me. It is part of me but it isn’t the real me. I have to learn to live with it. I thought I had this all figured out. Maybe I did. I just need to go back to what I know.
Take care of me, love me, believe in me. Love is the true me. Love is always the truth.
I keep forgetting who’s blog this is when it shows up in my inbox. I just see the title “Amazing and Terrifying,” and I know it has to do with how one can approach life, so I click on the link and read it. The words reflect how I feel and struggles I fight. I appreciate you sharing them and how you deal with them. I was thinking last night of that verse that says “Perfect love casteth out fear.” I am working to love myself and others more, and to teach my children the same. Love is the best answer. You are amazing. Keep believing in yourself and writing. You’re doing a great work.
First thank you so much for subscribing to my blog! I am so grateful that the things I write help. This one was just going to be for me because I don’t always like people knowing how my brain works. But I know I have to stop hiding if I’m going to change. How about we love more together!!!!
You are the best and I am so grateful for you!!!