So often when anxiety is active I feel like I don’t have a choice about what happens in my life. It feels as if all of the sudden I am sucked into this horrible feeling of panic and despair and there isn’t a thing I can do it stop what is happening or to change it.
Last week I was in the middle of a panic attack and I was feeling so horrible about myself that I was falling back into something I thought I had more control over. Not only did I have to deal with the panic but I also was dealing with horrible feelings about who I am as a person. I begin to have such horrible self talk that the spiral that began with the panic becomes worse. I am my own worst enemy. This time though something stopped me from sliding to the bottom of this well known slide.
I realized that I had a choice. The panic is going to come, I don’t always have control over that, but I do have control over my choices. When I was a child and would fight with a sibling I would tell my mom that they made me so mad! She would say they didn’t make you made you choose to be mad. I hated that because it just didn’t seem true (plus they didn’t get in trouble). Now I understand, I can’t control what others do or how anxiety will come into my life. But I do have control of my choices.
I can start to feel horrible and tell myself what a weak person I am because I am having ANOTHER panic attack when I should be stronger than this. Or I can be gentle with myself and acknowledge that anxiety will probably be a part of my life for the rest of my life. I can choose to be loving to myself and let the anxiety pass. I can understand that having anxiety doesn’t define what type of person I am, I do that. I can acknowledge the anxiety as something passing through my body it does not define who I am. I get to choose who I am, what type of friend, mother, wife, sister or daughter I want to be. I get to decide that from my choices.
And the really good part??? So do you! Whatever challenge you are facing right now is not who you are. It is part of your story but you get to write how it will turn out. You get to decide if you will let it define how you react to life or if you will choose a different path. It is all up to you! And me! For that I will always be grateful; I get to choose!
