I think a lot about how to be good enough. When I wake up in the morning I think about what I need to do that day that will make me good enough.
First I need to actually get up when my alarm goes off so that I can accomplish something before I get the boys up. That doesn’t happen very often so then I am already running behind in the good enough column. Then I get the younger two boys up so they can eat and get to the bus. I do have a win in the good enough column here though because I get them fed and lunches made so I am now back to neutral on the good enough balance sheet.
Now I wait for my older son to get up. I take him to school and come back home. Everyone is now gone for the day and I need to plan my day and figure out all of things that I need to do be good enough. I need to get something out for dinner. I need to exercise. I need to work on my blog. I need to work on a program I have been chosen to present at. I need to make sure clothes are folded that the house is clean that I have called my family that I will attend the church meeting tonight that I will … the list just keeps going.
Am I the only one that keeps these lists in my head and also keeps score? The sad thing is that no matter what I do I never feel like I am good enough. I wonder often why my husband wants to stay with me. I don’t really want to make friends because then they will know I am not good enough. As long as I keep people on a superficial level they will never know that I am really not good enough.
I know in my head that all of these thoughts and feelings are not true. I am still working on teaching my heart that they aren’t true. But I am not going to give up on teaching my heart!
