I am going to be honest here. Because really what is the point of this blog if I am not honest?!
I am scared. I am scared most of the time. I am scared that I will never be good enough. I am scared that no matter what I will never be enough for people to truly love me. I am scared that no matter how hard I work the dreams and goals I have will never really come true. I am scared of trying because what if trying and failing is worse that not trying at all.
The symptoms of anxiety and depression are so much worse in the winter. The holidays are over, it is cold, it is hard to get outside to exercise. I know I can go to the gym but just the idea of the cold makes me not want to move. My mind is in fast forward and I find a loooong list of things I am failing at.
Usually I can combat these feelings. I have been on medication for over a year and that has helped a ton. I have learned tools that help me fight these thoughts. But still somedays are just hard. Somedays I want to bury my head under the covers and hide. (Small space are my favorite. I love being curled up in a small closet. I told you lots of truth here.) Somedays the effort just doesn’t seem worth it.
So what to do on days like these? I get out of bed. I say a real prayer for help and faith and strength. Then I go to work doing as much as I can. Days like these I may not get much done but I do something. Because moving and doing defeats the depression and anxiety. Sometimes it feels like I am running from the ugly feelings but as long as I stay in front of them I am ok. I know that it will get better that days like these don’t stay around forever that I am stronger than the ugly feelings. I have been through worse and these feelings aren’t going to take me down now!
